Sorry, I couldn’t resist…
Coming Home
We pulled into the driveway last night, and I exhaled. Home. We could hear the Sirs barking – they knew we were here. Everything was just as we had left it on Wednesday, nothing had changed. That craving for the familiar finally satisfied. My anchor, my protection, my comfort. Home. I need to be here right now.
I submit that in the medical lexicon, there is no more magnificent adjective than ‘benign’. The pathologist called me while we were in Hilton Head and said “benign”. I remember saying “Thank God and thank you so, so much for calling me.” She liked my hair – I gave her the name of the woman who turns my gray hair into some credible fictional derivative. I love horses – she told me about an organization where I can volunteer by helping children with disabilities experience the confidence-boosting experience of riding. Then she added that word I abhor – “but”. “But, I have never seen anything like this before…sending the sample to a colleague at Georgetown…probably should be removed.” Do I tell her that I feel a third little coffee klatch of ‘rogue’ cells getting together for a little chat? Does it matter? “Benign”, I tell myself and take long deep breaths. I really should learn how to meditate. Andy tried to teach me once, suggesting I select a word that I could repeat in my head to help eliminate extraneous thoughts from interrupting my concentration. I came up with ‘Pepsi Cola’ because I liked the rhythm of the two words together and started to laugh so hard that I ended up rolling on the bed, clutching my stomach and snorting. Pepsi Cola – really?
At the end of the day, all will be well – I know this – I have no doubts. It is just that time between now and getting-to-fine that makes me want to cocoon, and feel the safety of my familiar. Knowing how perfect the coffee will be each morning, which way to turn the kitchen faucet so it doesn’t drip, sharing my kitchen chair with Teddy and rubbing Archie’s tummy with my foot. Sunday crossword puzzles and fuzzy socks. Football. A storm coming in (actually a storm coming in wherever you may live on the East Coast of the U.S.) and power outages expected. I am ever hopeful that our lights will stay on this time, even though our history this year suggests otherwise.
When I walked the Sirs early this morning, the silence was too loud not to notice. A few crickets insisted on continuing their conversation; other than that – not even a whisper on the wind. A leaf fell on the asphalt. I heard everything acutely, having so few sounds to identify. An hour and a half later and the wind is beginning to wake, each bend of the trees an acknowledgement perhaps of what is about to come. ‘Get ready’, the air muses, ‘for change is always on the wing’. And despite the uncertainty, I challenge the breeze – for it is benign.
I kept returning to this post while we were away – it resonates with me big time. Words worth heeding.
You only directly control three things in the entire world. Interestingly, none of these are other people. You are in charge of your thoughts, your words, and your actions. That’s it. Most of us neglect these three key items, however. Instead we direct our precious, limited energy on thinking and talking about how others should be different. This is fruitless and even lazy. As long as I’m focused on what’s wrong with you, I don’t need to pay any attention to improving me. Focus on you. Rather than hoping you can mysteriously change the fundamental personality traits of those around you, direct your energy on perfecting your own sweet self.
Devora Zack, CEO of Only Connect Consulting
Source: Fast Company via John E. Smith @ Strategic Learner. Image: Thank you madamescherzo via popculturebuzz
So Much To Appreciate
Last week, Ivon Prefontaine (ivonprefontaine.wordpress.com) graciously included me among of list of bloggers he appreciates. His blog – “Teacher As Transformer” – delights, teases the imagination, encourages wonder and provides glimpses of beauty that can leave one sighing. I look forward to his posts, never knowing what I will read yet confident that I will feel inspired in some way. So first and foremost – thank you Ivon, for expanding my view, sharing your perspective and generously including me in this wonderful circle of impressive talent.
Interestingly, what Ivon appreciates about this blog helps me to meet the requirement of completing the sentence “A blog is…”. Although I’m hopeful that he enjoys the content most of the time, my posts weren’t the driver for his inclusion of me ‘in the circle’. Ivon appreciates the dialogues that occur after a post is published, that I respond to each comment. Of course I write back – that’s the greatest joy of blogging to me.
In my head, a blog is a conversation. The post in and of itself represents the context for further discussion – and it is the feedback that propels the movement from one topic to another. I have no illusions about my talent as a writer – I wouldn’t buy a book of mine even if I had the focus to write one. I write as I speak, tangents included. What I am though, is really curious about how we think about the world, how we react to the big and little experiences that occur throughout our days. I will share an observation – from the silly to the sublime – to ‘hear’ what you think. It’s not a selfless expression, for I learn about myself while on the karma truck too. Those lessons? That should wait for another day.
The pleasure of being in a circle is found in the expectation that one can expand it further. As such, I am asked to invite two more bloggers along. This is tricky, for there are many I follow and admire and appreciate deeply. So I offer two, with the caveat that I could write an entire post just listing the incredible people who have found me and who I have found.
I appreciate Cathy Ulrich who writes largeself.com for the wide breadth of topics and genres she so beautifully introduces on her blog. I love her sensitivity to that which is around her, even if it is the subtle bend of a petal on a flower.
And I appreciate Keith who writes keiththegreen@wordpress.com. Keith also addresses diverse topics and observations on his blog. I appreciate his humor, his patience and consistent return to lessons about walking through life with the gentlest of steps. And he doesn’t mind answering some of my really ignorant questions!
Again, there are so many – and I would venture to guess that you know who you are because I have written about you often. You are all in my circle, because without you there is no conversation, there is no back-and-forth that define the best of relationships. For me that’s the best delivery from the karma truck.
A Monday Olio
I saw this and wanted to share it with you…
So? What were your first four adjectives?
Mine were ‘happy, patient, peaceful, elegant’. Although I am happy (for the most part) and patient (sometimes ridiculously so) and am a real believer in peace, I am affirmatively not elegant. No one under 5′ is elegant – trust me. In truth, there are no adjectives for vertically challenged women that don’t suggest the plight of a retired cheerleader – ‘perky, cute, spunky’…You may get a ‘pretty’ thrown in on occasion (though that’s usually from a relative). But of all the magnificent descriptives out there, we don’t get the $.75 words – ever. Where did I put my pompoms?
Lest you think this really bothers me though, let’s remember that I’m ‘happy’ and ‘peaceful’ too. What I was really more interested in was how I arrived at these four adjectives. I’m really very linear. For someone who typically finds the most circuitous path to get from Point A to Point B, I was pleased that my route was so direct. True, I did focus on the right, and I tend to lean to the left – but no one said this was a precise exercise.
I hope you have fun with this and don’t take any of it to heart. Unless of course you are over 5′ and you find ‘elegant’ – in which case, it’s a completely accurate assessment.
A Magical Moment
I hesitated to post this video – primarily because so many people may have viewed it already. Yet the more who view it the better – for the way it makes you feel your heart beating, for the glimpse of beauty for which language has yet to adequately evolve, for the chance to feel that you are witnessing a magical moment. Happy Friday all..
[youtube.com/watch?v=QX-xToQI34I]With Apologies To Ogden Nash
If you’ve ever had sciatica
Or other throes rheumatica
You’ll understand it when I say
My nerves are screaming “Attica!”
Such inflammation takes its time
Plays havoc with a peaceful mind
Reducing my thought processes
To plebian words and rhyme
Since sitting isn’t optional
Typing supine not optimal
I’ll go in search of heating pads
And accept this posture comical
‘What Becomes A Legend Most’
It’s isn’t Janet Jackson in a full length mink coat, of that I’m sure. I think the tag line is terrific – just misplaced.
We can all think of legendary people and moments for which books are written, songs are penned, clichés are born. And then there are the everyday legends who may have no famous (or infamous) public persona, but impact our days, change our thinking, inform our choices and enrich our hearts.
There are people in my past who are legends in my memory. My family is legendary – in more ways than one can define the adjective. And then there are those who come into your days and you’d be an idiot not to recognize the karmic element of your meeting. So it was when I met Chris. He wouldn’t agree with me, he would argue that none of it is a big deal and perhaps when our time together is over, I will quickly recede from his memory. That’s cool – he is forever etched in mine. Meet Chris –
I began training with Chris a little over a year ago. Given some of my physical limitations, I had major trepidation about going to the gym. Chronic pain is well, a pain – long scars that extend from the neck down to places that haven’t seen the light of day in years, makes ‘flexibility’ a dirty word. Tendons, fascia, ligaments that are just generally ornery – and that’s on a good day. My body and soul are truly yin and yang. I was afraid that at the least, I wouldn’t accomplish anything, and at worst I would end up doing some further damage to myself, because at core I am still competitive and will ‘play hurt’.
Chris lost his leg a couple of years ago. He was riding his motorcycle and was struck by a drunk driver. I’m not going into the specifics of his accident – it was gory and awful and with or without hindsight, life-altering. Chris was a trainer before the accident; he’s a trainer now. He is an avid competitor – it seems that he’s in a marathon or triathlon every other week. He hears a lot of praise when he’s pushing the envelope, and deserves all of it. But to me, he deserves it because he held on to his heart throughout this ordeal, he didn’t compromise on his life and he didn’t lose the ability to laugh. He adores his wife, relishes his friendships and family and knows how to have a good time. He still has to deal with the frustration that comes with parts that fail, waiting for insurance companies to do what they’re supposed to do, having to consider what most of us don’t even think about at all. He still has to deal with the ghosts that dance in his head (even though he doesn’t think anyone knows about them) and get up every morning and dare the dawn to get in his way. And let me tell you, the morning steps aside. As it should.
Chris’ will, his expectations of himself, his laugh…it’s the stuff of good character. The way his eyes betray him when he thinks someone is in pain, his sense of commitment, his frustrations…it’s the stuff that makes him human. The combination of heart and head, determination and focus, reality and hope…that’s the stuff of everyday legends.
The Perfect October Song
Arguably not the most original of posts this morning, though the morning is clearly exceptional. It’s our first emphatically chilly morning, the smell of oak trees pervade the air, Archie is trying in vain to catch every falling leaf only to be confused by their trajectory and the sheer volume of movement around him (the purpose of being outdoors for his morning ‘business’ is completely forgotten). Teddy is stopping to smell the mums and I am inspired by the sounds and sights of the morning. It’s a wonderful day to take a slow walk into life..
Just For Fun
It’s Friday…one of my favorites from Gilbert & Sullivan. And if you can sing this all the way through without marveling at the lyrics and the speed, then good on you!! Have a great day all..
Getting To Enough
Thank you Molly Mahar – whoever and wherever you are. This resonates with me. Especially the mistakes part. I have made and continue to make a lot of mistakes. Even if I were less self-deprecating, I wouldn’t register on the perfection scale, and that’s a-ok with me. Of course there are things I’d like to do better, and I’ll keep trying – but perfection? No thanks. Not only is it illusory, it’s a state of hubris which in and of itself is imperfect and insufferable, so there you go. I choose to break the cycle before it starts.
What I can stop doing is obsessing about all the things that I don’t get right. The conversations that miss a beat, the nuance I fail to notice. Not checking in with my friends and family enough (whether or not they check in with me with the same frequency), taking tomorrow as a given when I should consider it a gift. Over-thinking. Oh that’s a big one. I looked at the quarter moon this morning and thought it looked like the perfect tip of a french manicure (which by the way, isn’t really French at all..). And then I considered this an insult to the moon. All of the magnificent analogies about ‘la luna’ and I end up with a french manicure? How ridiculous. But I digress (something else I do way too often – please tell me that is part of my charm)…Holding on to something way past its expiration date. Adding so many ‘shoulds’ to the ingredients of my daily stew that I end up stewing so long that the meat of the day is too tough and chewy to be delicious. I could go on, believe me – and this would end up being a tome. Boring and self-focused, and a tome.
I’m working on the adventurous part. Lately I have pulled back and in, needing the security of my home and the time to delight in little events in the day that often go unnoticed in the quest for intrepid activity. There was some Hatfield & McCoy turf war in the trees yesterday afternoon (well at least that’s what I think was happening). Scores of wrens were chirping at each other, flying back and forth frantically between two trees, circling with the derision that only one wren can have for another. Despite the absence of wind, the trees were shaking with vigor generated by this family feud. One woodpecker was apparently trying to broker a deal – giving up eventually because his shrieks did nothing to appease anyone. An adventure? Perhaps not, but in my head the story unfolded as one.
And yes, earlier this week a stranger in the Starbucks line started to talk to me and I responded with “You can see me?!” (Long story, but a few of us in the blogosphere agreed to do this – and I was the only one who did – do I know how to have an adventure or what?). The person replied, “Of course..” and kept talking. So much for seeking adventure. I guess adventure comes to she who just keeps her eyes open throughout the day.
So I’m thinking that it’s time to arrive at the place where I accept myself as being enough. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to try to be a better person, wife, mom, sister, friend – but perhaps with a little less self-flagellation in the process. I’ll remember that the gorgeousness of humanity is in the sparkle of the soul. And of one thing I am certain – we all look great in sparkles.
The Family You Have, The Family You Choose
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” — Jane Howard
There are all sorts of families – the ones that we are magically born into or become a part of; the families that we build one person, pet, ritual at a time; the families of friends that may morph and change with the understanding that these connections are in many ways as binding as any others. Within the context of this forum in which we meet and discover virtual understandings and ‘aha’ moments, we are defining a new family. I think of many people in this community who I feel I know and love as members of my family too. People who are always there to support me when I write through my neurotic moments, laugh along with my silliness, commiserate when life becomes complicated or evocative of times that are painful to recount. Friends who I fret about and delight in, inspire me with their incredible talents, and celebrate with head-shaking wonder at the magic that they create regularly.
So it is within this uniquely bound family that I find myself accepting the Family Of Bloggers Award. I love the implication of this honor, for it suggests that we are in many ways a family of choice. We are together because we choose to be, minus some of the drama and trauma that come from nuclear units that are perhaps more complicated, defined by far different memories of shared history.
David Kanigan (DavidKanigan.com) who writes the blog titled Lead.Learn.Live and Laurie Barkman who authors PassionatePerformance.wordpress.com both nominated me for this award this week. David has a following that is remarkable in both its size, intelligence and loyalty. When I started following his blog, I hoped to come close to the quality, provocative writing and thoughtful commentary that his writing reflects all the time. I still don’t know how he does it, finding references, writers, images, videos that invite and engross the reader. He is incredibly self-effacing, and he is shaking his head as he reads this not able to admit that all of this is true. But I would bet an awful lot of money (if I had it, which I don’t, so I feel good about placing the bet) that there are many, many, many who agree with my summary. I have followed him from the first day I came to WordPress and I will follow him should the time come when I no longer post..
My line of work and Laurie’s closely parallel each other. The primary and striking difference is that she manages to imbue the topic of performance management and leadership with practical wisdom and a passion that is palpable. As some of you may know from earlier posts, I have a love-hate relationship with this topic – perhaps because I’ve been training and speaking about these topics for so long. But I return to Laurie time after time because her advice is wise and practical, her commitment sincere and passionate and the results always on point and well-considered. As much as I believe that there is nothing new under the sun because of a general reluctance to deal with the discomfort of change, Laurie gently encourages me to reconsider and remember what I loved about training and development.
So, I thank them both and embrace the metaphor that I am part of their family, as they are part of mine. I’d do the Sally Fields thing, but David would tease me – even though in my head I’m thinking “you like me, you really like me!” As inspirational blogs go, I have many to nominate and feel certain that I would inadvertently miss some. Which is why I am going to nominate all the people who are kind enough to read my posts each day, comment each day and travel on the karma truck through all sorts of topography. Thank you for being part of my virtual family. Thank you for embracing me from the moment I started seven months ago and for encouraging me to keep the gas tank full and ready to roll.
Waiting for the Karma Truck 