anxiety, discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Coming Home

We pulled into the driveway last night, and I exhaled.  Home.  We could hear the Sirs barking – they knew we were here.  Everything was just as we had left it on Wednesday, nothing had changed.  That craving for the familiar finally satisfied.  My anchor, my protection, my comfort.  Home.  I need to be here right now.

I submit that in the medical lexicon, there is no more magnificent adjective than ‘benign’.  The pathologist called me while we were in Hilton Head and said “benign”.  I remember saying “Thank God and thank you so, so much for calling me.”  She liked my hair – I gave her the name of the woman who turns my gray hair into some credible fictional derivative.  I love horses – she told me about an organization where I can volunteer by helping children with disabilities experience the confidence-boosting experience of riding.  Then she added that word I abhor – “but”.   “But, I have never seen anything like this before…sending the sample to a colleague at Georgetown…probably should be removed.”  Do I tell her that I feel a third little coffee klatch of ‘rogue’ cells getting together for a little chat?  Does it matter?  “Benign”, I tell myself and take long deep breaths.  I really should learn how to meditate.  Andy tried to teach me once, suggesting I select a word that I could repeat in my head to help eliminate extraneous thoughts from interrupting my concentration.  I came up with ‘Pepsi Cola’ because I liked the rhythm of the two words together and started to laugh so hard that I ended up rolling on the bed, clutching my stomach and snorting.  Pepsi Cola – really?

At the end of the day, all will be well – I know this – I have no doubts.  It is just that time between now and getting-to-fine that makes me want to cocoon, and feel the safety of my familiar.  Knowing how perfect the coffee will be each morning, which way to turn the kitchen faucet so it doesn’t drip, sharing my kitchen chair with Teddy and rubbing Archie’s tummy with my foot.  Sunday crossword puzzles and fuzzy socks.  Football.  A storm coming in (actually a storm coming in wherever you may live on the East Coast of the U.S.) and power outages expected.  I am ever hopeful that our lights will stay on this time, even though our history this year suggests otherwise.

When I walked the Sirs early this morning, the silence was too loud not to notice.  A few crickets insisted on continuing their conversation; other than that –  not even a whisper on the wind.  A leaf fell on the asphalt.  I heard everything acutely, having so few sounds to identify.  An hour and a half later and the wind is beginning to wake, each bend of the trees an acknowledgement perhaps of what is about to come.  ‘Get ready’, the air muses,  ‘for change is always on the wing’.  And despite the uncertainty, I challenge the breeze – for it is benign.


59 thoughts on “Coming Home”

  1. Welcome home, sweet friend! Benign–is there a lovelier word in the lexicon? Keep breathing and know that you have MANY standing by you, come what may. Wishing you and Andy and the Sirs safe passage over the next few days….xoxox

  2. I do love that welcoming committee!

    You are fine. You will be fine. And your hair? It’s perfect.


    1. You knew I would cry if I read something from you my love..and yes, I am fine. And my hair? I pay for that perfection!! Laughing..and love you, me

  3. I’ve been anticipating how the karma truck would narrate the last few days of waiting and as with most things the happy ending is what we most remember. B E N I G N. What a beautiful word! Goes well with your hair for sure. Goes well with your life’s plan and the life plan all those of us who love you have for you as well. Glad you can take normal breaths again. Hope the weather spares you from angst. Looking forward to buying you a bottle of wine to celebrate “benign” this weekend. Hope the weather cooperates. If it doesn’t we’ll find another time. Anchor to your home, your loves and find the peace that has alluded you these passed few weeks. Benign, starts with “B” just like beautiful. Like you. Loved the LIFE poster as well. Remember it’s the Karma Truck, kiddo, you still have much “magic to do”. There may continue to be some bumps in the road but at the end of the day – BENIGN!!! Xoxoxoxo

    1. Sweetie, be safe as you make your way South and all hopes that things at home remain damage-free..I look forward to the weekend with high hopes – just keep fingers crossed that we get to enjoy that toast sooner as opposed to later..And yes, I know that should be our biggest worry, right? Love you, m

  4. I, too, have breathed easier since you told me the wonderful news. I cannot wait to celebrate with you. Snuggle in to ride out the storm! hugs

    1. Thank you Carrie…we’ll find some time this week (presuming that the storm leaves us quickly and with no power outages!)…Stay safe!! Hugs, m

    1. You know Susan, I didn’t think I needed a reminder to enjoy the simple things – and nonetheless, I find them even more delicious than ever. Thank you so much..

    1. Hi John – it really is a most beautiful word, one that I wish all those waiting for such results would hear over and over and over again. In fact, I like the idea of ‘love’ being the only thing that could become malignant in our society..I know, it’s corny.

  5. Oh my gosh – I have missed a few days and had no idea. I am so sorry to read that you are going through this – that sounds terrifying. I am so glad to hear that you got some good news. I am sending positive Pepsi Cola vibes and hige hugs your way in spades. XOXOXOXOXO Jenni

    1. Hugs back to you Jenni..and it’s all good – or will be. Scary yes, but at least I know that whatever it is, it’s benign. And you didn’t miss a thing – I hadn’t written anything about this..All will be well..XOXOXO, m

  6. YOU ARE PRECIOUS! – beyond all possible measure, Hevenu Shalom alechem. Your innumerable friends celebrate with you the most precious gift available to any of us – the ‘benign’ and kind gift of Love. You bring a ministry of healing to our lives. It’s been the stuff of your life as far back as your records go. We want to reciprocate – and to celebrate “benign”. Wishing you peace and good coffee on the porch. Sending love. And then some xx

    1. Simon…my wonderful friend. One day I hope we share a cup of coffee on my porch, for you are so much a part of my life. I think you imbue me far more effect than I can have on any life, but I do know that I look to you and your incredible emotional generosity and arms-wide-open faith as a touchstone for me. And for that, there aren’t words for the love I reciprocate – and then some. Right back at ya my dear friend..xx

    1. Hi Maureen..It’s good to be home and better to feel that whatever these strange little gatherings of cells are, they are just of the misbehaving sort and nothing more dire. 🙂

  7. Beautiful post ‘Twinky’. I am so happy that you heard that word, ‘benign’, sweet relief. Happy Sunday. hugs. Renee 🙂

  8. Damn it Mimi. Where the h*ll is the LOVE Button?

    When I walked the Sirs early this morning, the silence was too loud not to notice. A few crickets insisted on continuing their conversation; other than that – not even a whisper on the wind. A leaf fell on the asphalt. I heard everything acutely, having so few sounds to identify. An hour and a half later and the wind is beginning to wake, each bend of the trees an acknowledgement perhaps of what is about to come. ’Get ready’

    1. I think you found it…the ‘LOVE’ button that is..Thank you so much – I even felt it down here south of the Mason/Dixon line (albeit not by much).

  9. Loved your welcome home-there is nothing quite like that! And I am so glad the word benign is being celebrated! Hugs and kisses to you-and stay dry! Hope you do not loose power again.

  10. Gorgeous post Mims…and I am soo glad you got home, and can hunker down in your cocoon…and I love how you describe your familiar and how it starts with how perfect the coffee will be…

    Benign is a BEAUTIFUL word my beautiful friend and I exhale knowing that is your word of this moment in time. I wish that I could be there to raise a glass with you to toast this leg of the journey. love you xoxo

    1. You are with me dear Bon, you’re always with me! And yes, there is no better word to hear …We’ll have a glass of wine to toast life and love and hope and frienddship and tomorrow one of these days…xox

  11. Great post and really great news; a sigh of relief is a blessing. The sirs are so adorable. Your descriptions of being home are like reading a novel where you feel like you are there. Keep safe and sound during the storm. We are bracing ourselves, here in NJ. Thank you for the good read.

    1. Thank you so much Fran – your comments are like a warm sweater on this rainy, cold morning..Please stay safe in NJ – hunker down and be cozy!

  12. Benign – good lord – I have missed a few days of blog reading and must have missed something scary and large in your world. I am glad to hear the good news. I am glad you are safe and happy in your comfort of home. Hugs.

    1. No, no – you didn’t miss anything – I hadn’t written anything about it. It was too close and too uncertain – and I wasn’t ready..Thank you for your concern, really..I appreciate the

  13. This post began down a road I know too well. I am thrilled your call was one with celebration! GREAT news! Laughed and Loved Pepsi cola meditation – Nothing’s wrong with it. Once Pepsi, watermelon, etc get out, the other stuff comes in 🙂

    1. I’m ta king your word for it and I’m going to try it again!! I think it would be a very good practice for me to do..Thank you so much! 🙂

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