Getting To Enough

Thank you Molly Mahar – whoever and wherever you are.   This resonates with me.  Especially the mistakes part.  I have made and continue to make a lot of mistakes.  Even if I were less self-deprecating, I wouldn’t register on the perfection scale,  and that’s a-ok with me.  Of course there are things I’d like to do better, and I’ll keep trying – but perfection?  No thanks.  Not only is it illusory, it’s a state of hubris which in and of itself is imperfect and insufferable, so there you go.  I choose to break the cycle before it starts.

What I can stop doing is obsessing about all the things that I don’t get right.  The conversations that miss a beat, the nuance I fail to notice.  Not checking in with my friends and family enough (whether or not they check in with me with the same frequency), taking tomorrow as a given when I should consider it a gift.  Over-thinking.  Oh that’s a big one.  I looked at the quarter moon this morning and thought it looked like the perfect tip of a french manicure (which by the way, isn’t really French at all..).  And then I considered this an insult to the moon.  All of the magnificent analogies about ‘la luna’ and I end up with a french manicure?  How ridiculous.  But I digress (something else I do way too often – please tell me that is part of my charm)…Holding on to something way past its expiration date.   Adding so many ‘shoulds’ to the ingredients of my daily stew that I end up stewing so long that the meat of the day is too tough and chewy to be delicious.  I could go on, believe me  – and this would end up being a tome.  Boring and self-focused, and a tome.

I’m working on the adventurous part.  Lately I have pulled back and in, needing the security of my home and the time to delight in little events in the day that often go unnoticed in the quest for intrepid activity.  There was some Hatfield & McCoy turf war in the trees yesterday afternoon (well at least that’s what I think was happening).  Scores of wrens were chirping at each other, flying back and forth frantically between two trees, circling with the derision that only one wren can have for another.  Despite the absence of wind, the trees were shaking with vigor generated by this family feud.  One woodpecker was apparently trying to broker a deal – giving up eventually because his shrieks did nothing to appease anyone.  An adventure?  Perhaps not, but in my head the story unfolded as one.

And yes, earlier this week a stranger in the Starbucks line started to talk to me and I responded with “You can see me?!” (Long story, but a few of us in the blogosphere agreed to do this – and I was the only one who did – do I know how to have an adventure or what?).  The person replied, “Of course..” and kept talking.  So much for seeking adventure.  I guess adventure comes to she who just keeps her eyes open throughout the day.

So I’m thinking that it’s time to arrive at the place where I accept myself as being enough.  Doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to try to be a better person, wife, mom, sister, friend – but perhaps with a little less self-flagellation in the process.  I’ll remember that the gorgeousness of humanity is in the sparkle of the soul.  And of one thing I am certain – we all look great in sparkles.

 

 

64 thoughts on “Getting To Enough

  1. Digressions, asking people to see you when you are right in front of them (do that to the wrong person and they might hospitalize you, sweetie)…it’s ALL part of your charm.

    • Thank you honey…and aren’t I the daring dudette to ask that of a stranger? Though I knew that I wouldn’t get hospitalized in the process – more often than not, the desire that people have to be listened to, trumps everything else. But point taken. And thank you for being my sister who finds me charming in spite of all my um…interesting characteristics..xox

  2. I absolutely love this post and can identify with everything you say. It really made me think a lot about how I waste a lot of time and energy feeling guilty for not being perfect. I am now a fan of imperfection – bring it on – ha! You are wonderful by the way!

  3. Are we all really that much alike? Here we are thinking we are unique. You made me wonder when the last time I paid attention to something simple and vow to do so. Oh, and for the record I did try the ‘you can see me’ with my son. Not really the same, but his response was…”yes Mom, youre still here. Now what’s for dinner?”Maybe you have to to not already be a little weird for this to make an impact?

    • Laughing…no Maureen my friend, it is not the same when posing such questions to our progeny..They already know we’re strange and love us anyway..And we are all unique in the crazy, mixed up way that people are, and we are all the same in that we are all a little crazy and confused and self-doubting and searching..always searching. And that’s why we have these days gifted to us…I hope you have a wonderful day..and yes, btw, I can see you too…;-)

      • No – I had seen a post it…”The next time a stranger comes up to me, I’m going to say “Wait, you can see me?” – and I thought I’d try it…and a few others did as well. Though so far, only one has – and that was in a conversation with her son, so I don’t think it counts..;-)

      • It was a facebook thing:

        “Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly…

        “You can see me?”

        We all vowed to do it bit only Mimi was brave enough. It’s not over till it over though! We have to get you on Facebook!!

      • Ok, so i get it now. It would actually be funny to watch the reaction. So do you all keep up with each other on facebook as well?. I struggle to reply to all the comments on my blog posts and that is only a few…….. to keep up with facebook as well would overwhelm me, i think.
        the kids seem to enjoy it (FB) and I log in occasionally to see what my kids are REALLY up to 🙂

        Have a great weekend …

      • I don’t know about everyone else, but I only keep up with four or five fellow bloggers. I too can’t keep up with it all, and there are days when I can stay in touch and others when it just doesn’t happen. 🙂

  4. I’ll remember that the gorgeousness of humanity is in the sparkle of the soul. I love that line. Everyone has that sparkle, you just don’t know where they sparkle until you invest the time to get to know them. Nicely done Mimi.

  5. I am right there with you on the same journey. I definitely over think A LOT. Sometimes, my over-thinking can be useful for writing and analyzing but other times, it’s downright silly and detrimental. So I guess I, too, am trying to remember the source of me and realize that I am enough just the way I am. Lovely poem in the beginning too. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  6. When working with profoundly impaired populations I used to insist on glitter due to its ability to make every project more tactile. So more sparkle was my mantra for years. Everything always looked, and felt, better with that little extra sparkle. You my friend sparkle and illuminate wherever you go. The sparkle of your soul lights the highway down which you drive this truck providing your readers and friends comforting light allowing us to see inside ourselves without fear. As we evolve and reflect it is this illumination that serves like a cocoon embracing and protecting until we are ready undergo the metamorphosis into better versions of ourselves. Your gift with words, the metaphors you use, comfort and inspire allowing us to be the best we can be. For that gift, thank you xoxoxoxo

    • I swear Jo, you should write…really..As for sparkle, yes everything looks better with a little glitter, and in the world of adults with profound impairments (my history being with the grown ups, yours with the children), there is sparkle to be found all the time. We forget to look; we forget that we emit a glow that is unique to each of us. I love that you’re on the truck with me..it’s a wonderful journey because you’re a part of it..xoxo

  7. I’m with Andy, Mimi, your line about “the sparkle of the soul” is pitch perfect, and oh so true. We ALL bring something to the table, that’s what I’m finally getting through my tiny little mind, and a gesture that may seem small (or self-serving) to us can make a BIG difference in another’s eyes. I told a woman in a store the other day that I loved her hair (which I did) and her whole face lit up. How easy was that? I do those sorts of things, but seeing her face, I vowed to do them that much more frequently.

    I’m also really struck by your line “What I can stop doing is obsessing about all the things that I don’t get right.  The conversations that miss a beat, the nuance I fail to notice.”. This is me to a ‘T’, always berating myself ’cause I didn’t pick up on something, wasn’t patient, giving, funny (you fill in the blank) enough. But what I’m realizing these days is that we all have foibles, and oftentimes they’re part of our charm.

    All that I’m trying to say, really, is THANK YOU for giving voice to so much that I feel and see each day. In case you haven’t guessed, I think you’re pretty amazing JUST the way you are….
         
    “Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as you; be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you.” Nicholai Velimirovic

    Xoxox, l

    • You know you leave me shaking my head with the perfection of your quotes…but I’m not shaking my head at our parallels dear one, for we have spoken of them often..So, we will remind each other when one of us forgets about the glow and sparkle that is always there..xoxox, m

  8. You can see me? I saw that little meme on FB and I’m going to try it. Giggle. Love your post today. I’m learning that I am also enough. In my own little world of a few friends and family, I am enough. And I’m sparkly too. So are you. Must be why we get along so well. It took a car accident and the possibility of hurt another human being for me to slow down and enjoy this life of mine. Darlin’ we are perfect in our imperfection. We ARE enough.

  9. Mimi…honestly, how do you do this? You had me at the quote at the beginning, and I just hung on for the rest of it, reading as if I almost knew what would come next, except for the birds, but I digress… 🙂 In my view, you do sparkle {love what Andy said} and as to imperfections, can I just say how grateful I am that I don’t have to ‘suck it in’ with you? That makes you perfect. xoxo my sparkly friend.

    • Oh darlin’ I’m practically imperfect – never ever put me even close to the perfection categoy – I’d get too nervous about screwing it up! 😉 But I’ll take all of our sparkle and put it all together and realize that the result is shinier than any sun on any mega sun filled day! xoxo,

  10. Oh, yes! I relate well to the neuroses and obsessing over tiny, insignificant moments that become huge after a couple of hours in my mind! Your posts are the best. Always so relatable and entertaining!

  11. Well maybe the ‘over-perfect’ bit in you is writing such magnificent posts that the rest of us just cannot keep up!

    I can relate to this bit … “I’m working on the adventurous part. Lately I have pulled back and in, needing the security of my home and the time to delight in little events in the day that often go unnoticed in the quest for intrepid activity.”
    I REALLY enjoy my days off and weekends…just soaking in ‘today’ and being alive….
    I have been invited to a wedding overseas in a few months and I could join my daughter for a while on her travels and have a few adventures. Part of me wants to go ( and probably will) …. and yet there is this pull of taking my holidays at home to just stay and sit in the sunshine……

    Have a great day 🙂

    • I understand the allure..and the reluctance. But I hope you go, for it will be a wonderful opportunity to be with your daughter..Have a fantastic day!

  12. is today the perfectly imperfect day or what? this is the second wonderfully penned post i’ve read today celebrating our wholly imperfect selves with the realization that is OK. and while i don’t go in much for sparkles…i do kind of dig the idea that somewhere inside, there’s some sparkle left to my spark. your ‘mane’ man is da man Mim…he’s right. your friends rejoice in your imperfections because to us…they ARE your charm. Yes, charm. I love getting my warm and fuzzy (sparkly) hugs here everyday..and btw, i’m with you on the hatfield and mccoys…i think they have relative living in my trees and it’s a blast watching it all unfold.
    xo

    • Oh my Rhonda, if there is anyone with a spark left in their sparkle it’s you. And keep shining honey – though I really don’t think you could not shine even if you wanted to…And are these birds just in a snit or what? xox

      • I won’t admit to being sparkly. but glad you think i got some spark left. me too. and the birds are as entertaining this time of year as any leaf i could peep or leaf pile i could jump in. i love the fall, every living thing is so fiesty! and it’s funny, i have a woodpecker who does the same thing…just hops around on the two trees the others are squawking in…seems to enjoy the show as much as i do!

      • No worries…I’ll remind you of your sparkliness..all you have to do is keep on being your fabulous self..and yes, the fall is the time of re-energized bird dynamics. I wish I understood their language!!

      • Oh I know…I think we should ask Julie…she has a ‘way’ with the feathered masses. I can just hear her now! oi

  13. Oooh, the older I get, the more I love sparkles! I always have loved them, but I love them more unabashedly now 😉 You’re getting there, and I suspect you will arrive right on time, too. I am getting there, too, and arriving fashionably late . I just love your blog!

    • Thank you!! I think we’re sparkling right now (though I look like hell before coffee and some waking up time)!! And I am so happy you like the blog – I can’t tell you how happy that I’ve ‘found’ you and vice versa!!

  14. Hi Mimi, love the post and thank you for that gentle reminder to not take tomorrow as a given, but rather a gift. Sometimes I just get so caught up in everyday life and just think there will always be tomorrow when I really know that may not be true 🙂

    • I try to thank God every morning for giving me another day..sounds a little hokey I know, but it centers the reality of this gift for me..Have a lovely day Tina!

  15. Molly Mahar………said it right I can also relate to this but mostly it made me think of my sister so I am going to have it printed and framed and give it to her for her birthday which is in a couple of weeks time…………

  16. Wonderful post, Mimi and I’m glad you have reached this place. I can identify with what you are saying so much. Opportunities and adventures abound and are there for the taking by those with the correct adventure glasses. May you continue to reach out and grasp these small moments of adventure.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s