In Friendship Friday

“This is how it works.  I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as necessary.  For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved.  So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you.  And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much.  Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.” — James Lecesne

It’s that simple.  And that complicated.  Coming out of my little migraine haze yesterday, I found that in a 24 hour time span, I had missed a lot of important stuff.  Stuff that is important to me.  My circle of friends is small – though it has grown in miraculous ways over the last six months.  At the ripe old age of not-so-young,  I hold my friends close.  Perhaps it is because I lost one of my closest friends to suicide ten+ years ago.  I’m not ready to write about that just yet.  But I would call her Winnie (long story) and she would call me Piglet (a size thing – not so long a story) and though we held few secrets, I never thought she would need to leave this world.  I truly believed that as long as she knew that I was always at the end of her rope when she reached it, she’d hold on.   But she couldn’t.  Again, a story for another day when the sun is shining and my heart can risk the mention of her name.

Yesterday one of my friends was circling the abyss which is filled with doubt and dread and darkness.  I wasn’t worried that she would slip, I worried  that she didn’t know that she had safe haven from the awfulness that was riding on a non-stop carousel in her head.  She kept switching seats;  some of the horses were magnificent (and went up and down); others were fierce though immobile, yet too seductive to ignore.  I’m not blessed with a sixth sense – but I do begin to feel uneasy.  Not hearing from Simon made me worry enough that I couldn’t let it go until I heard from him.  Reading a message that held a more important message behind the words sent me to a very special friend to check in.  The silence before she responded to me was interminable.  The fact that I caught her on the merry-go-round as she flew past one horrid thought after another was luck.  Luck and the evidence that there are invisible connections between friends that bind them in amazing ways.

Sometimes life overwhelms.  Despite all of our efforts to see the sky and believe in the beauty of all things, days can just…well, suck.  I don’t know that friendship can change the course of a day; it can perhaps slow down the carousel long enough so that someone can get on the ride and saddle up next to you.  You can each hold onto your pole and circle the darkness together.  Sometimes just having someone next to you makes the continuous rotation less dizzying.  The key to friendship is wanting to be there even if you hate carousels, if the depth of the abyss scares the hell out of you, but being present for your friend trumps any hesitation.  Other times you just have to hug hard and bring Kleenex.

Pain and confusion, the enormity of choices we make throughout the course of our lives – they arrive and take their own time to work through to resolution.  Friends can’t eliminate these realities; they are safe havens when someone needs it – whether or not they know it.  Friendship reflects the awesome power of love that won’t back down.

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh?” he whispered.

“Yes Piglet”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand.  “I just wanted to be sure of you”  (A.A. Milne)

That power of love – it can get you through an awful lot.  It can give you the gift of being your best self.  And in doing so – everyone feels they have received a prize at the end of the ride.

 

60 thoughts on “In Friendship Friday

  1. You write so eloquently, Mimi. I just love the way you speak your truths…. You are so right–friendship is about being there for the ups and the downs, sometimes just hanging on tight and squeezing your dear one ’cause no words will come, or if they do, they seem painfully inadequate. I think we are blessed with a handful of special people in our lives–folks that are always there, no matter the miles or time elapsed since the last visit, folks who see your soul clearly and love you in good times or bad. Those are the folks I cherish and say thank you for EVERY day. Thank you…..

    • They are blessings – sometimes making me wonder what I did to receive such amazing gifts. I too speak of ‘cherished friends’ and am appreciate that handful more than they will ever know.

  2. This has me thinking…..I was recently betrayed by someone I thought was a friend. I took a needed break from the friendship in May. Recently I heard disturbing news about her behavior that has me not only questioning my own judgement, but has me questioning her entire intent.

    This post confirms what I already know, but don’t want to admit…she was not a real friend, just a good actress.

    Eyes wide open today!

    • I’m sorry if this made you hurt…that wasn’t the intent. Sometimes friends screw up too – unintentionally, but we all do. Perhaps that is what happened here? Or perhaps not, I don’t know. If in fact she wasn’t a real friend, then maybe it’s better to know it than perpetuate an unhealthy relationship…

      • Friendships to me are just being there quietly knowing the other person needs you.If I need a tissue, just be there to pass the box. In my case, this friend was expressing her idea of friendship with more material gestures, which were actually just tools for control.
        Sometimes posts hit me right in the face at exactly the right time. Thanks for writing this today!

  3. Great heartfelt post about connection, that really connected with me. Thank you. You are right sometimes just sitting along side is all you can do.

  4. This does not just give me my usual Mim hug today…this has me sitting here counting the days so I can show a very, very, special woman what she means to me. Like you, I lost my closest friend way too soon and had not again felt that real a connection until now. She always knew, without word or deed, when I needed a second rider on my horse. I consider myself very blessed to have been found by you, hugged by you, and loved by you. Here’s to another go ’round…and this one goes both ways.
    xoxo and so much more
    R

  5. Thank you once again Mimi for a beautiful post. As I make big changes in my life I know some friends will leave and others will come in to my life, so this has been a topic in the forefront for me lately. Those real connections are precious and I feel blessed to have those people in my life, both old friends and new.

  6. Thank you for today’s prize and all the prizes from our past and those that we will be part of our friendship moving forward. Another home run – emotionally and spiritually. Wishing you the a Fantastic Friday!

  7. Beautiful post, Mimi. The fabric of friendship is so rich and varied…sometimes it involves doing, but sometimes it involves being. Thanks for the lovely reminders. Cathy

  8. Sometimes it takes me a ‘minute’ to let something sink in, find it’s place..and I’ve been sitting, and sleeping, and driving,and eating, with this since before I went to bed earlier this morning :), and I still feel late to this party, and that’s what it is, to me, a celebration of who we are to each other, and you help me to see this, feel this, know this, in such an eloquent way. I feel so many things at the same time when I read this; I too lost a friend in the same way, I am separated from too many good friends by time and distance, I feel incredibly blessed by new friends and know that I have work to do to nurture the friendships right in front of me. You say you are not blessed with a sixth sense; I say you are blessed with all senses, or something even more important and I just want to sit here and be in it. Ok? But first, can you please pass the tissues? xoxo

    • Oh shoot Bonnie, I’m hoarding the tissues while I’m reading your comments. I promise to pass them over as soon as I get myself a bit more together..:-) And you can sit over here with me anytime you want. I’d be honored to hang with you..xox

      • I’m officially sitting. And, I still need those tissues, so I went to get a box, so I think we have enough for the both of us now. I think we are going to need them. You are something else my dear…I am shaking my head at the serendipity of connecting with you
        xoxo

      • It really leaves me speechless – this karma truck has been delivering some incredible gifts at my door. I swear I keep feeling like pinching myself (though I don’t really like to inflict pain)…xoxo

  9. You’re so right. Life overwhelms at times and it helps to have someone to just hug and cry with. I’m sorry to hear that you lost your friend. Something like that can’t be very easy to think about, let alone talk about. Sending lots of love your way!

    • Thank you – she was a gift. And I have been gifted with some wonderful people in my life that have made her passing easier now – though it has taken a very long time to be able to say that!

  10. This is one of the best-written things I have ever read anywhere. You are an amazing writer. When you write I am there with you on that carousel, in your pain and theirs.

    You brought me to memories that are among my favorite yet often some of the saddest and most painful.

    Many of the most powerful moments in my life, the times I felt the most connected to my friends and loved ones–and the most connected with my own spirit and everyone else’s–were those times when I was there when someone needed me most.

    I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what I say or whether I say anything at all. Just being there and walking through the fire with them, never letting them go until the fire subsides and they are ready to walk alone for awhile, has meant much to them and everything to me.

    Thank you for your wonderful, powerful, and loving reminder, Mimi.

    Russ

    • Thank you Russ, though I can’t necessarily wrap my head around the idea that I’m a writer at all – and I accept that that’s my issue..:-)
      All that you write though is so true – the most poignant and powerful moments may very well be when we are being with those we loved through the harder times. Happy times are marvelous and fill the heart – and how uplifting it is to share in those moments with those we love. To be able to hold someone ‘through the fire’ as you write – is life-altering and self-defining. It shows the depth of our commitment to our friends and loved ones and it shows us what we are made of. With much appreciation for your glowing words, Mimi

  11. Mimi this was amazingly written and so moving. I do believe that a friendship can change the course of a day, a week, a month, a lifetime and while we can not be responsible in the ultimate for that friend, we can be there and make sure they know we are there. Sometimes that is all that is needed.

    • You’re so right – friendships affect the story of our lives. So often they are on each page in some way, shape or form. And how we need them and vice versa can change from moment-to-moment. But the knowledge that they are there – it’s truly life altering.

  12. Beautiful post. Sounds like you are a very special friend to a lot of people. I hope you have friends who will jump on your carousel at a moment’s notice too. You certainly deserve that and more!

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