Category: love

friendship, humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Heading Outta Dodge

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Tomorrow morning, the eight of us head for the hills – well, the Shenandoah Mountains actually.  Our annual summer getaway is upon us and I can’t wait to have the boys and their ladies with us for a few days.  We try to pick a place that doesn’t kill a day on travel, since it’s  four/five short days wrapped around a weekend.  We’re renting a house overlooking one of the golf courses (where much small money gambling and large trash-talking dialogues will occur a few times while we’re there).  I’ve got facials booked for all the girls (not that any of them have anything other than perfect faces, but they all work so damn hard, that this mama bear thinks a little pampering is in order).  Some pool time, couple time, mountain time, perhaps a zip-lining expedition for the more intrepid members of the pack – a not unreasonable amount of wine, laughter and room for everyone to just be.  We’re a pretty laid back group – no rules, no requirements – other than to kick back and enjoy the view.

So chances are you’ll hear from me, but perhaps not every morning.  I’m even going to try to take some pictures (which in and of itself is a particularly scary prospect).  But  more than anything I am going to take in the deliciousness of being with my family.  As corny as it sounds, I covet this time fiercely – and anticipate our getaways all year-long (and this excitement comes from a mom who has two of her three living within fifteen minutes of our house – yes, I am a bit nutty).  So enjoy the rest of your week and weekend..and as much as I look forward to going, I look forward to regaling you with more tales from the karma truck once it makes its way to points not yet seen.

discretion, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

5:15 AM & Almost As Inspired As David

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I want to thank Ivon Prefontaine (teacherastransformer@word.press.com)  and David Kanigan (davidkanigan.com) for nominating me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.  The irony of course is that David’s blog has inspired me from the first day I started blogging six months ago, and Ivon has been a recent, delightful and thought-provoking discovery.  That either finds me worthy of being in this category is super-surprising to me.  I don’t think I’m in their league, though like a persistent, pain-in-the-butt sibling, I keep knocking on the door… And then David whispers through the door “what’s the password”, I say “please?” and he laughs…Seriously, thank you both very, very much..

Ok, seven things about me that you don’t know…

1.  I’ve got a safari on my bucket list.  My sister is going on my fantasy trip next year, and I’m totally pumped for her.  And a little jealous too.

2.  I’ve got a lot of places I want to see – and I’m embarrassed to say that many of them are within the US.  It’s strange to talk about seeing other countries when you haven’t even seen your own.  Road trip anyone?

3.  I can cry just thinking about the music from “An Affair to Remember” with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr…”Dahling, I was looking up…”…let’s not even talk about the last five minutes of any rom-com, drama, cartoon or action movie.  This makes me a lousy movie date.

4.  But I’m a cheap date – which doesn’t mean I can be had.  Well, if you asked my husband..

5.  Andy and I are coming up on our 20th anniversary – which I will write about later.  Given that this wasn’t either of our first trips down the aisle, I’d say it’s an impressive number.  More importantly, I’d say we have at least another forty or fifty to go…

6.  Yes, as the admission above suggests, I plan on sticking around for a long time

7.  I have never been as transparent with my thoughts as I have within this community.

 

So…hoo’s next??  (Sorry I couldn’t resist and was looking for a chance to use this picture)…

I am hoping to list blogs that I have not written about before.  This is the fun part…Here are seven more blogs I find inspiring, rewarding, funny, thoughtful and rife with talent…

anakegoodall.wordpress.com – Anake posts incredible images and music – I anticipate each post with curiosity and enthusiasm

clotildajamcracker.wordpress.com – she is a hoot and very popular..you’ll read her and understand why..

magnoliabeginnings.org – Maureen’s journey is honest, open and welcoming.  You can feel her heart in her words, and I just love that.

lifeinthedashlane.wordpress.com – Lee is amazing – smart, frank and so full of life she practically jumps off the page.

awindowinthewoods.com – Suzanne is a talented photographer, sharing pictures that delight and remind us of the wonder all around.

shoesonthewrongfeet.com – I delight in the stories of day-to-day life with two very active, curious and gorgeous little boys as seen through the eyes of their adoring, busy and on-the-move mom.  You don’t have to be a parent to enjoy her posts and pictures!

newsofthetimes.org – Jenni is provocative, engaging and challenges her readers to think and engage in a dialogue about timely news making issues and topics.  I may not always add my two cents, but I will always read her perspective (and those of her followers) with interest.

My thanks again to David and Ivon – I make no promises, but will try to get close to the bar you have set..

 

 

anxiety, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Carry The Weight

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I’ve written about my view that no one gets past the age of thirty without carrying some emotional baggage.  I think I also noted that after a while  you can choose which bags you may still need to carry and which you really need to leave on the side of the road (please don’t donate them – nobody needs what’s in this luggage).

So here’s a question for you to begin your day – if you had the chance to carry all the splendor of light on your back, you’d clearly have to let go of some stuff.  What are you going to let go of?  It’s time.

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

In Friendship Friday

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“This is how it works.  I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as necessary.  For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved.  So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you.  And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much.  Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.” — James Lecesne

It’s that simple.  And that complicated.  Coming out of my little migraine haze yesterday, I found that in a 24 hour time span, I had missed a lot of important stuff.  Stuff that is important to me.  My circle of friends is small – though it has grown in miraculous ways over the last six months.  At the ripe old age of not-so-young,  I hold my friends close.  Perhaps it is because I lost one of my closest friends to suicide ten+ years ago.  I’m not ready to write about that just yet.  But I would call her Winnie (long story) and she would call me Piglet (a size thing – not so long a story) and though we held few secrets, I never thought she would need to leave this world.  I truly believed that as long as she knew that I was always at the end of her rope when she reached it, she’d hold on.   But she couldn’t.  Again, a story for another day when the sun is shining and my heart can risk the mention of her name.

Yesterday one of my friends was circling the abyss which is filled with doubt and dread and darkness.  I wasn’t worried that she would slip, I worried  that she didn’t know that she had safe haven from the awfulness that was riding on a non-stop carousel in her head.  She kept switching seats;  some of the horses were magnificent (and went up and down); others were fierce though immobile, yet too seductive to ignore.  I’m not blessed with a sixth sense – but I do begin to feel uneasy.  Not hearing from Simon made me worry enough that I couldn’t let it go until I heard from him.  Reading a message that held a more important message behind the words sent me to a very special friend to check in.  The silence before she responded to me was interminable.  The fact that I caught her on the merry-go-round as she flew past one horrid thought after another was luck.  Luck and the evidence that there are invisible connections between friends that bind them in amazing ways.

Sometimes life overwhelms.  Despite all of our efforts to see the sky and believe in the beauty of all things, days can just…well, suck.  I don’t know that friendship can change the course of a day; it can perhaps slow down the carousel long enough so that someone can get on the ride and saddle up next to you.  You can each hold onto your pole and circle the darkness together.  Sometimes just having someone next to you makes the continuous rotation less dizzying.  The key to friendship is wanting to be there even if you hate carousels, if the depth of the abyss scares the hell out of you, but being present for your friend trumps any hesitation.  Other times you just have to hug hard and bring Kleenex.

Pain and confusion, the enormity of choices we make throughout the course of our lives – they arrive and take their own time to work through to resolution.  Friends can’t eliminate these realities; they are safe havens when someone needs it – whether or not they know it.  Friendship reflects the awesome power of love that won’t back down.

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh?” he whispered.

“Yes Piglet”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand.  “I just wanted to be sure of you”  (A.A. Milne)

That power of love – it can get you through an awful lot.  It can give you the gift of being your best self.  And in doing so – everyone feels they have received a prize at the end of the ride.

 

discretion, friendship, humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness, work life

Take Me As I Am – Whoever That May Be

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There’s always a little voice inside my head that questions whether I’m good enough.  As I’ve gotten older (please note, I did not say “matured”), it occurs to me that I’ve got to get on the stick and kick this hefty can down the road and out of sight.  It’s rusty, dented and contains so much stuff that I will likely never resolve, so I might as well get rid of it.  Besides, I like the look of this guy…

It feels so defiant to say ‘take me as I am’.  So risky.  At least for me.  Of course it also suggests that I am completely sure who I am – and I guess that is sort of  a work-in-progress exercise.  I’ve never been an either/or person, the world to me is so resplendent with colors and shadings that absolutes are the bigger challenge (one exception – the words of one of my first bosses  “Today, you have full authority to do the right thing” – I try to remember that daily.  Other than that, all bets are off).

So despite my continued lack of personal clarity, I marvel at my friends who love me in spite of myself.  Jo and I go months without seeing each other and literally pick up conversations mid-sentence.  When we finally saw each other Friday night, all Andy could do was shake his head with a smile and say “I totally get it”.  I know her eyes, can see what they’re telling me; I can tell by what she doesn’t say, exactly what she wants to say.  This friendship from childhood provides a secure knowledge and confidence that the elemental aspects of who I am is understood on the most intrinsic level. Whether or not you are sure, someone with a historic reference  is sure I’m more than ok.  The joy of rediscovery.

The prism through which friendship is viewed, can be seen from a different perspective with new friends.  Carrie, Donna, Lori, Rhonda…I have been blessed with these women through serendipity (waiting for a manicure, Andy’s bowling team and through our blogs respectively).  As Carrie and I spoke yesterday over mediocre Greek salad (a nod to my Jenny Craig efforts – I am craving a milk shake about now), I realized how our friendship developed without pretense or guile – we passed those markers somewhere along the road and no longer have any patience for either.  I have connected with women who are wise and strong, experienced and romantic, tender and tough enough to have withstood their share of challenges and pain.  They don’t suffer fools, but they embrace you if you hurt.  They hug hard (figuratively and literally) and protect fiercely.  If I am defined in part by my newer friendships,  I’m feelin’ pretty damn good.  The joy of renewal.

The knowledge that I have gained from less-than-positive choices runs deep and is beginning to hurt less.  Learning the difference between providing a service to someone v. sharing in a friendship is a tough lesson for me to absorb.  This first year away from the firm has been painful in that regard.  On the one hand I am surprised at myself – I know a little bit about human behavior, what drives office dynamics and what distinguishes mutual understanding –  ‘you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’  – from friendship.  I was unceremoniously dropped and the pain of landing on my butt was unexpected.  A year later, I wish I had chosen to be the one who walked away.  I certainly would have felt more graceful.

How cool to still have the time and luxury of finding me – if I choose to look – and to do so with the confidence that I may never know?  Better still is the feeling that I can look around and find the best, most flattering definition I will ever seek.   My friends.

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

The Beauty That Is Us

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..all of us.  I spent more minutes than I care to admit just marveling at these pictures this morning.  How can we look in the eyes of another human being and not feel connected to them somehow?  We love our families; want the next generation to enjoy a more peaceful, prosperous, kinder world; we value our traditions and celebrate love in a myriad of ways.   Our faces tell a story, our culture gives it context.  And each one of us weaves a story that is unique, marvelous, heartbreaking, celebratory.  I look in these eyes and I wonder – what is the story?   And though I may never know each and everyone, I believe with all my heart that there would be more that I would understand than not.

 

 

friendship, humor, life lessons, love

Puppy Love – Literally

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Ok, I’m a dog person…a crazy, mushy dog person.  I get the whole cat thing – really I do.  We’ve had cats in our family and when they snuggle and purr and deign to acknowledge you with an arbitrary display of affection, it feels good.  But for me, there’s nothing like a dog.  Teddy sits in my lap while I write, Archie encourages me to forget what I’m writing about by bringing me his ball in a never-ending game of ‘stop-taking-yourself-so-seriously-and-play-with-me’.  Neither of them are going to score off the charts on any canine I.Q. test, but they would be in Mensa if the requirement was affection and loyalty.  Teddy did get a certificate once for being ‘Perfection In Fur’ – but that was because he didn’t really take to the training for which completion certificates were issued.  And it’s true, neither is particularly discerning, and were it not for the barking, a robber would be made to feel welcome.  Ah well…they’re my guys..

And here’s a weird one for you..the first dog we got when we moved here was Bubba The Wonder Dog.  And he was a wonder dog – probably could have been a brain surgeon but for his webbed paws and absence of impeccable hygiene.  A big guy, Bubba would sit on my lap during our regular drives up to NY and NJ – 70 lbs of lap dog.  When I was diagnosed with this funky autoimmune issue, Bubba would just stay with me on the bed, he’d lick my face when I cried and made it very clear that he was going to be my side 24/7.  After each surgery,  Andy would hold Bubba and lift him onto the bed so that he could arrange himself for the duration without bumping up against some unpleasant incision somewhere.  Bubba was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease too and when living became too much for his body, I couldn’t handle my sorrow.  How could we both get hit with the same ball??

This isn’t about sadness though – it’s about connections that we make that are not necessarily human-to-human.  Connections that reflect unconditional love, no pretense or guile, devotion and trust.  The lessons we absorb about ourselves, friendship, nurturing…the laughs we are given by goofy looks,  a relentless paw, wet licks and unexpected havoc when a certain you-know-who has to get his wiggles out.  Puppy breath and Buddha bellies that just beg for a rub…growing into four-legged friends with a capacity for love and devotion that in many ways is unparalleled.  We learn how to love from many teachers and in many ways.  If you have a bad day and feel just bummed with the way the world behaved towards you – just look at your dog’s face when you walk in the door.  He’ll remind you that you’re better than all the rest…

 

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Post This

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I did!  I have post-it’ed messages in lots of fun places today…This one was put on the napkin holder at Uno’s…

 

 

The Post-It notes had one of three messages – “You’re Terrific”, “Smile” or “Have A Wonderful Day”… I started at the gym, surreptitiously placing notes on the handle of an exercise bike, on the mirror in the locker room and on the windshields of two cars in the parking lot.  Honestly?  I felt both tremendously silly (and I do silly very well) and sneaky (I don’t do that as well) .  Onto a quick meeting, where I left one Post-It on the panel of the receptionist’s desk and again on a windshield.  At Starbucks I put one on the cash register (there was no one behind me in line – the place was empty for a change), left one on the sugar/cream counter and in the ladies’ room…Boldly I strode into the supermarket, where some unsuspecting soul will find a message on a package of chicken breasts, a yogurt container and the cover of a “Newsweek”.  And yes, another parking lot, another car…

Talk about stepping outside one’s comfort zone!  I haven’t passed hidden notes since junior high.  The best part of course is not knowing who the recipients are and recognizing that some will crumple them up and throw them away.  But maybe, someone will see it and smile, or laugh or shake his/her head while looking around to see if anyone remotely culpable is standing around.  Maybe it will make someone feel good on a really bad day, or maybe it will make no difference at all.  The best kindness is that which is extended with no expectation of anything in return, and given my stealthiness I am confident that I will remain unconnected to this crime of good fun.  My thanks to Christine for the inspiration behind this atypical day.  How fun it was to step outside myself  for a little while.  How intrepid and bold of me!!  And if it provided a small giggle for someone today, then all the better.

Perhaps as the karma truck keeps rolling along on its path, it will stop to pay the kindness forward.  Not to me, but to those I love – my sons and their wives, my son and his girlfriend.  Maybe the truck will make a pit stop in their respective driveways, and give them the blessings and peace and joy that they so richly deserve.  Perhaps it will stop near the homeless person who plays his sax on a corner in DC, or swing by someone who is bowed under the strain of getting through the day.  And that my friends, would be more than I could ask for – just because I ‘love-bombed’ a few unsuspecting souls today.