Category: humor

friendship, humor, life lessons

Steamy Saturday A.M.

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The sun is going to rise in a little while, and rather than inviting us outside, will be daring us to see how long we can remain in her company.  We will see each other in brief spurts today, for I do better with relationships when the intensity knob is not always set on ‘high’.  Lately she’s been giving me a lot of heat, taking my sweat and blistering my flowers.  I think that gorgeous orb has a bone to pick with us and she’s making sure we know it.

For those of you who are spending your Saturdays with this uncensored communique from the sun, I hope your day includes cool air, wonderful music, maybe a good read and a nap, laughter and love..always love.

 

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Today Is The Day

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It’s the middle of the week AND and it’s a birthday – two reasons to see something wonderful in today.  Oh don’t misunderstand – I still want my power back, it is still relentlessly in the triple digits and I know if I stay outside for too long,  I may melt a few more inches (would that those inches were around my waist).  But I am here with my delicious daughter-in-law, drinking coffee and grateful that I slept for longer than three hours.  And I’m beginning to feel it again…

Perhaps sassy shorts…it’s not been the greatest of weeks so far.  Nonetheless, here are some things you may want to consider doing on your day off today…or, any day..

Find something to marvel at – anything…


Go on a date that leaves you exhilarated..

Take a nap

 

Decide you’re going to wake up happy (you can do that you know)

Hug someone with all you’ve got – and if you grunt ’cause you’re hugging so hard, that’s even better..

(I concede these guys don’t look like they’re hugging really hard, but I loved the picture)

 

Remember that joyful abandon is not solely the bastion of children – find the beat and lose yourself..

I hope you hear some great music today – and everyday

 

 

 

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

WonderWoman – Not

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When I was in grad school, my mentor asked me why I felt I always had to be strong.  I thought it was a ridiculous question – I had two pre-schoolers, a difficult marriage from which I was extricating myself, no job, no proximate support system – uh, what were my choices?   Wise fellow that he was, he then rhetorically posited  – ‘Isn’t it possible for someone to be both strong and weak?  Aren’t there risks you run in being either one or the other?”

I loved that guy.

So here I am in the ridiculously, unforgivably hot and humid suburbs outside Washington, D.C., trying to remember what it was like last Friday, when we had power.  Some irate storm tore through here on a whim, arbitrarily kicking down power line after power line.  I’m not sure what the storm was so annoyed about – my hunch is it needed an attention.  It got it.  Initially in its wake, there were some amusing moments.  The only open Starbucks within miles had a line that slithered around the shopping center by 7:00AM Saturday morning.  We were all jolly enough – smiling indulgently at the babies in pajamas still dozing on their parents’ shoulders, the weary comparisons between strangers “have you heard when the power is coming back on?”, the snarky looks at people asking for two venti triple-soy-no foam-lattes, with one and three-quarter pumps of hazelnut (really?  there are six hundred people out here).  There was a run on gallon jugs of any kind of water so that people could flush their toilets (many of us are on well water – you get the picture), bags of ice and an abundance of good humor.

It’s been four days and counting.  No one is smiling.  There are some assurances that everyone will have power restored by Friday.  We have so lowered the bar when it comes to our expectations it’s ridiculous.  That’s a post for another day.  Suffice it to say, I haven’t seen one truck on any of our major roads, let alone our neighborhood.  I guess they’re starting farther out and working their way in.  Happily,  my son and daughter-in-law got their power back last night, so I am sitting in comfort at their house, happily connected and soooo thankful that the Sirs have stopped panting.  They of course are so wiped out, they’re snoring (which in dogs is kind of cute, in husbands not nearly as endearing).

I am strong – and I’m a wimp.  I don’t do heat well, and humidity even worse.  My fingers look like Viennese sausages, my joints look…gross.  Let’s not even talk about this oily slick that covers my skin, not necessarily an attractive glow per se.  It makes my shorts cling to me – and I don’t even like my shorts that much.  My flip flops don’t flip or flop – they’re glued to the soles of my feet.  When I left my house to drive over here, it was 96 degrees upstairs and a balmy 88 on the main floor.  I want my power restored.  The frozen food melted all over the kitchen floor yesterday – I want to refill the coffers.  I want my house back.  Don’t get me wrong – I am beyond grateful that my kids are here – they are gracious and loving and wonderful.  But I’m fried – literally.  And when the customer service person told me (after being on hold for twenty minutes) that we weren’t even on the repair list yet – I lost it.  I know that my mom would have referred to these as ‘silken worries’, but she was wrong.  Deny a person sufficient sleep and food while seated in a sauna and you can wear a body out.

I did learn a few things though (hey, it’s me, when don’t I learn something…amazing to be this old, and find a lesson in almost everything). I learned that people you’ve never met can matter more than you could ever imagine.  Rhonda, Lori, David – thank you for being my friends – in whatever universe we have found ourselves.  I only hope I can return the favor by telling you that I keep you in my thoughts pretty damn regularly – and they’re all good thoughts.  My sister who graciously confirmed for me that I AM royalty – or at least “royally pissed off” made me laugh while I was hiccuping with sobs.  Allie and Angus – ‘hang in there hugs’ that inclined me to do so.  Aaron – who called at just the right time and said just the right things to his mom.  Matt and Liezel who told me I was being ridiculous about my hesitation to invade their home – with the dogs.  My kids – my heart and soul.  I remembered that there is beauty in silence – unless you have tinnitis.  And of no less importance – for all the really ugly behavior that we see or read about everyday, there are still some really cool people out there.  And friends of course are cooler still – regardless of what the thermometer reads.  Happy to be back among the blogging…

friendship, humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Gimme A Hug

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People who don’t know how to hug.  This is a pet peeve of mine.  It’s more than a pet peeve, it can be a deal breaker.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the Hollywood ‘air’ kiss?  Well there’s an ‘air’ hug too.  I’m sure you’ve felt it – or more accurately, haven’t.  Someone leans his/her upper body into yours, vaguely placing one arm within breathing distance of your back and perhaps patting your shoulder.  I realize this isn’t very generous of me, but I jump to some pretty quick conclusions about people who don’t know how to hug – really hug (a caveat – I am culturally aware enough to know that in some places around the world, open affection like this is not common practice – you lucky people are exempted from my gross conclusion-jumping, which I know is wrong, but I do anyway – sometimes).

– I think you’re emotionally self-protective

– I think you’re not comfortable in your own skin

– I think I’m going to spend most of our time together trying to knock down your walls

– You’re missing out on one of the most renewing, reaffirming, loving gestures in the world

–  You don’t like me

– You’re not into nurturing

I could go on, but I won’t.  You know how much I dislike a lot of negative redundancy (positive redundancy however, is completely ok).  There is nothing in the world that feels as wonderful as a really good, wrap-your-arms-around-someone-with-all-you’ve-got-hug.  When the boys were little, we would often drive up to Westchester to see my parents.  My dad was their primary male role model – and he filled this role with enthusiasm.  He would come into the driveway as I was extricating the boys from their car seats, and they would start yelling for the “boa constrictor”.  They’d all run into the house and dad would sit down at the first opportunity and the boys would stand in front of him as he slowly  began to coil his arms around them, one at a time.  “And now” he would say, “the mighty boa constrictor winds his way around his prey”.  The boys would start to giggle and put their arms around his neck mimicking him “and I’m the boa constrictor…!”.  Slowly they would squeeze each other until their laughter dissolved the embrace, dad kissing their baby cheeks, each boy giving himself completely over to these powerful hugs.  The memory makes me cry – sadness yes, but I can feel their delight.  That man knew how to hug.  My friend Jo is an amazing hugger – she hugs so well that though we see each other rarely, I feel her hugs all the time.  Lori writes with hugs in her words – I want to learn how to do that.

I want to feel a hug so I can carry it with me.  Hugs send a message – a message of love and delight, of support and friendship, of spirit and life.  Hugs make you laugh, they can prompt your tears.  They help explain our humanity.  They let us throw our arms wide open to the world and then hold onto something so we don’t fly away, carried by the sheer magnitude of it all.  I hope you get a hug today – and I hope you give one.  Hold on with both arms.  Put your heart into it.  Tell me you don’t walk away feeling that much more connected to something wonderful.  Feels pretty terrific doesn’t it?  I told you.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Tuesday Morning’s Two Cents

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It’s 3:15 in the morning – a ridiculous hour to be doing anything other than sleeping or sitting outside listening to the night breathe.  Here was my first thought when I came into the kitchen…

Fortunately, we had some…

And this was my second thought (that’s not true, it was more like the ninth or tenth) that I wanted to share with you before you begin your terrific Tuesday..
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but that person you keep conjuring in your head?  It’s an avatar in an alternative universe.  That person that all of us see and marvel about?  That’s you.  Believe me.

More later – I’m off to the porch with my coffee.

discretion, humor, life lessons

Spam – The Eternal Mystery

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It is too unbearably hot to focus on any topic for longer than the time it takes for a bead of glow to travel from my forehead to my chin, or to consider how ridiculous it is that a walk down our driveway leaves me feeling like I’ve been on a steeply inclined treadmill for an hour (the driveway is flat by the way).  Such forced lethargy and abbreviated attention span sent me with mild curiosity to my spam file where I found 159 spam comments in the queue and another 657 in inventory.  I now get why they call it ‘spam’ – you have no idea how it came to be, what its content really is nor why the hell it lives longer than most messages do.

no spam!
no spam! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Spam..I’ve never tried to eat the stuff in the can, but I am amused by its literary counterpart.  Here are some excerpts from my spam file –

– “What I don’t understand is how you are not much more liked than you may be right now”

– “Wie wil let nou nut?  …Sexdating is naturlik helemaal gratis en anoniem”

– “I have certainly picked up anything new from here”

– “Have you tried Viagra?”

– “Cialis works!  Contact us @_______”

– “Incredible article, great sex dude”

– “Keep functioning, impressive job”

– “Hormone replacement therapy – no prescription needed”

– “Please cover protein shake diets in the future”

– “Definitely believe that which you have sated.  Nice site: check out sexdating – thanks for visiting”

– “Hello I have three children to register and didn’t see the registration form on the site.  Their names and ages are ….”

Interestingly a lot of the spam is in languages I don’t recognize – I don’t read Chinese, Arabic, Russian and though I can limp my way through French, that’s the one language that never appears.  A lot of the spam comes from some American Airways site – which is peculiar, given that United was the firm’s carrier of choice and the holder of all my personal information.  Other than that, the only other pattern I could find was in the number of comments about sex and the presumption that I was male.  Also amusing, given that I’ve never written about sex and I am confident that I’m a woman.  After enjoying the silliness and complete olio that defines spam, I did find one comment that pretty much summed up my view of the entire file – “Hi Max:  You have a fatal error”

Yup, I’d say so…

friendship, humor

It’s A Mighty Warm Wednesday

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Oppressively hot here in DC today – the kind of day where the lead story on the news is the weather (when we tip the thermometer at over 100 degrees, it’s a big deal.  You would think with the perpetual disharmony on the Hill, such elevated temperatures wouldn’t be newsworthy).  The good news – you can feel drenched as soon as you go outside, so if you like the feel of air conditioning against slick skin, this day is for you.  The not-so-good-news – if you’re like most of us, you will have to breathe the air with a straw and you won’t delight in the film of sweat that develops as soon as you get out the hair dryer.  So for anyone needing to start the day with a smile…Here you go – Happy Hot Humid Hump Day!

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

So Many Lessons, Not Enough Time

mimijk

It has certainly been an afternoon rife with instruction.  I sit here before you a far brighter soul than I was this morning (ok, I’m looking at a computer screen, but that didn’t sound nearly as wise).  How much can one learn in an afternoon?  Prepare to be amazed..

1.  Do not try and untangle the vacuum cleaner hose in a swimming pool while it’s on.  Definitely do not do this right before you are heading out the door.  Unless you like driving in wet clothes, in which case – please invert this lesson and go right ahead and try this regularly.  You will get the result you seek.  That said, you could also just hop into the shower after you’ve got your clothes on, make-up done and hair dried – it will serve the same purpose..

 Although this isn’t a picture of me, the resemblance is uncanny.  I will say, that if you can do this while your dogs are happily barking at said dancing vacuum, or better yet, while you have people around watching you wrestle  – even better.

2.  My sister can still silence me with one sentence.  This time it was (I’m paraphrasing) ‘the one who drives the narrative, drives the response’.  Now you tell me – how lyrical is she?  How smart?  Yeah I know I have typical younger-sister-syndrome – I think she rocks the world every which way the world can be rocked, but come on – who comes out with stuff that good off the top of their heads?  The good news for me is that we’re genetically connected, so I may come up with something like that without a script or an edit one of these days.

3.  Laughing over lunch with a new friend is the best way to spend part of an afternoon.  Perhaps sitting outside when it’s ridiculously hot and humid isn’t the best idea, but if you’re both glowing it makes it okay.

4.  While we were away, I was given ‘The Commentator Award’ by the very inspirational and candid author of the blog GenieSpeaks.wordpress.com.  My understanding is that this is an acknowledgement of my comments when she posts.  She makes it easy – I enjoy her blogs and her sheer delight in the world around her.  Travel.Culture.Food.wordpress.com was kind enough to give me ‘The Sunshine Blogger’ award.  If you ever want to be transported visually and carried away in your daydreams, visit this blog.  You will enjoy the commentary – the exuberance is almost palpable.  I have received this award once before from SimonMarsh.wordpress.com, but have just figured out exactly how to post these images without the assistance of one of my kids or kids-in-law.  If there’s a ‘Really Smart Blogger Award’, I hope no one ever thinks of me as a possible recipient – it would be disingenuous, I think.

5.  I don’t want to minimize this praise, nor diminish the fact that I am continually surprised by such largesse.  I am beyond appreciative and I thank you.  But today I  learned that there aren’t sufficient written alternatives in the English language (or perhaps it’s my limited vocabulary) to express the sheer joy that I have found in this welcoming, forgiving and generous new group of friends.  For I feel that those who read this blog have become my friends.  I look forward to your posts, I run back to the computer to read your comments, some of us have emailed separately, others reblog…And in this way, we continue to get to know each other and show each other who we are without some of the filters that might exist were we to be introduced in person.  I started writing this blog in January – since then it’s been visited by over 10,000 people (presumably most of them have come in error) and there are hundreds of people who are following with intention.  I’m not sure why.  I do know that five months ago I thought I would try this and see where the road led.  It led me to you.  You give me far more than awards – you give me your laughter, your stories, your tears,  your encouragement, your opinions, your perspective, your talent.  Certainly you have given more than I could have asked for or expected.  How do you thank people you feel you know but have never met, for the gift of trust and love and friendship?  This is a meager attempt to express the abundant gratitude and joy that you have given me.  Which leads me to…

6.  There are surprises in each day.  There is krazy karma and indescribable, head-shaking moments of wonder and humility.  And if you know that, no matter how drenched you may get, you’re never all wet.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Caffeine Anyone?

mimijk

A post about the joys of coffee?  No – although perhaps a nod to the nectar of the gods, especially as it is being brewed.  I realize that many could argue that there are other olfactory stimuli that parallel the sense of delight that coffee elicits, but I believe you’re wrong (caveat – freshly washed baby smells don’t count).  For all I know it smells way better than it tastes – that first cup of coffee is an experience for all the senses – even ESP – I know what will happen once I begin drinking it.  I will sigh.  My head will begin to realize that I’m awake (my body typically follows, not to worry).  The Sirs fall asleep after their breakfast and give me the privacy and silence to reverently watch the sun come up.  I slowly write my good morning blog and pause every once in a while to make sure it’s making sense.  All of this occurs with the promise of freshly brewed coffee.

I am not an aficionado  – I just like it strong.  I don’t know the difference between crema and foam, the implications of buying beans from the southern corners of Africa or the rain forest  in Brazil.  I grew up believing that Chock Ful O’ Nuts ‘was a heavenly coffee’.  Fine by me – it made it possible to talk to my mom each day, for there was no talking allowed until she had a cup.  We’re packing up to go to the mountains with friends  for the weekend and the only requirement from me?  Coffee.  And half and half.  A mug.  I’m pretty easy..(ok, I’m not easy, but clearly I can be had – how embarrassing).

It occurs to me that I’ve just provided you with two paragraphs on coffee.  Ah well – it’s Friday!  It’s time to take off your big girl and boy pants and get a little crazy, whatever your definition of that may be.  Cannonball into a pool, eat ice cream with sprinkles and a cone and forget the calorie angel sitting on your shoulder – in fact, tell her to give it a rest.  It’s the weekend.  Go outside if you can and find one thing you never noticed before (hint – a new bud on a flowering bush counts), make faces in a mirror (I do this naturally – it amuses me), tickle as many senses as you can just by being exactly where and who you are.  Play.  Hug. Giggle. Revel.  But first – have a cup of coffee.  Happy weekend all..

friendship, humor, life lessons, love

Of Love and Turtles and Lifetimes, Oh My!

mimijk

Catching up from one weekend away is really quite overwhelming.  There was some news though which still has me reeling –  I’m sure you saw or read about it as well – the break up of Bibi and Poldi.  A greater love story has never been told.  Two giant turtles joined together by circumstance, lust or a mutual affection for grape leaves can no longer abide each other’s presence, let alone give each other a kiss good morning.

Bibi’s the one who wants out.  She’s become quite the nasty old girl – she bit Poldi’s shell and basically told him to get out.  Unfortunately, even if Poldi had a place to go, it would take him about a month to make any progress towards the door.  Their caregivers (for at their age, you really can’t call these people anything other than ‘caregivers’) have tried many interventions – marital counseling, turtle aphrodisiacs (I have no idea what these are – Cialis?  Dark chocolate and strawberries?),  I even think someone penned a love letter to Bibi on Poldi’s behalf.  Nothing’s worked – no medically reinforced erection, the chocolate upset their digestive tracts and Poldi ate the letter.  Yes, I made up the last part.

I wonder whether we’ve really given them enough time or too much time?  I mean, do we know when Bibi really fell out of love?  Given the speed with which things happen in Turtledom, she might have been enduring a loveless union for the last fifty years – in which case, I think biting her spouse was a pretty mild response.  Can one really blame her for being tired of looking at the same wrinkled face day after day, year after year? Making the same breakfast, withstanding the same lack of table manners – not even getting a “thank you honey” for over a century?  One hundred and fifteen years of waiting for the rock to be moved, a birthday to be remembered, maybe an understanding hug in lieu of a mechanical climb up her back which takes so long, he forgets what he’s doing up there, and she falls asleep feeling like the weight of the world is on her shoulders?  Can you blame the poor girl?  When is enough enough?  I am confident that if she gets a good turtle lawyer (like Raoul Felder dressed as a Ninja Turtle)  she’ll be able to live her remaining six hundred years in peace.

And Poldi?  My hunch is that he wouldn’t mind a little more peace and quiet either.  A hundred years ago, she was a helluva looker, with bedroom eyes and a smile that would melt anybody’s shell.  Now she’s just a bitter, hormonal kvetch who finds fault with everything he does.  Not to mention that she could use a few more trips to the gym.  And if he had bitten her – the turtle police would have been all over him.  He’d just as soon trade her in for a newer model if anyone would bother to ask him.

I still say that one hundred fifteen years of matrimony is arguably a success – even if they end up divorcing.  I think they really gave it the yeoman’s try.  That said, they should be sure before they begin mediation – take some time, think it through, see if there is anything left to salvage.  You know what they say – love takes time.