discretion, humor, life lessons

Spam – The Eternal Mystery

It is too unbearably hot to focus on any topic for longer than the time it takes for a bead of glow to travel from my forehead to my chin, or to consider how ridiculous it is that a walk down our driveway leaves me feeling like I’ve been on a steeply inclined treadmill for an hour (the driveway is flat by the way).  Such forced lethargy and abbreviated attention span sent me with mild curiosity to my spam file where I found 159 spam comments in the queue and another 657 in inventory.  I now get why they call it ‘spam’ – you have no idea how it came to be, what its content really is nor why the hell it lives longer than most messages do.

no spam!
no spam! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Spam..I’ve never tried to eat the stuff in the can, but I am amused by its literary counterpart.  Here are some excerpts from my spam file –

– “What I don’t understand is how you are not much more liked than you may be right now”

– “Wie wil let nou nut?  …Sexdating is naturlik helemaal gratis en anoniem”

– “I have certainly picked up anything new from here”

– “Have you tried Viagra?”

– “Cialis works!  Contact us @_______”

– “Incredible article, great sex dude”

– “Keep functioning, impressive job”

– “Hormone replacement therapy – no prescription needed”

– “Please cover protein shake diets in the future”

– “Definitely believe that which you have sated.  Nice site: check out sexdating – thanks for visiting”

– “Hello I have three children to register and didn’t see the registration form on the site.  Their names and ages are ….”

Interestingly a lot of the spam is in languages I don’t recognize – I don’t read Chinese, Arabic, Russian and though I can limp my way through French, that’s the one language that never appears.  A lot of the spam comes from some American Airways site – which is peculiar, given that United was the firm’s carrier of choice and the holder of all my personal information.  Other than that, the only other pattern I could find was in the number of comments about sex and the presumption that I was male.  Also amusing, given that I’ve never written about sex and I am confident that I’m a woman.  After enjoying the silliness and complete olio that defines spam, I did find one comment that pretty much summed up my view of the entire file – “Hi Max:  You have a fatal error”

Yup, I’d say so…


21 thoughts on “Spam – The Eternal Mystery”

  1. Brilliant! and i know right? what’s with all the selling of sex aid drugs and sex dates (really? they actually call them that?…not even a kiss at the door anymore?) geesh. funny stiff, um, I mean stuff.

  2. The spam comments cause me endless amusement. And I love that Shakespeare quote! It could certainly apply to another little person I know…

    Cheers, Mimi!

  3. My 46 spam messages were mostly about checking my credit and questions about my pending DHL delivery…. Obviously, I supplied all of the necessary information to make sure that I have a great credit score and receive all of my packages on time. 🙂

  4. What I’d like to know is who writes the little programs that *generate* all of this nonsense? “Keep functioning, impressive job” was among my personal favorites. Thx for the giggle and stay cool, Mimi!! Beau and Miss Thing have each claimed big sections of the tile floor, where they are sprawled as widely as they can possibly be. 😉 Hot, hot, hot…..

    1. My guys are finding the tile floor their favorite haunt too…I tried it – it’s cool, but too hard for my taste. So what does mom do? I put a fan on the floor which is blowing on them – I am such a sucker…

  5. Yes SPaM is crazy!! Some of it is funny and yet some of it is gross! To think someone actually sits there and sends these everywhere.

  6. Seems to me that it’s one of the curses of our time… people so desperate to communicate, despite the many inventions that make communication easier… some are trying to sell us something… and some are trying to convince us of their ideas, and political points of view… Sometimes it’s funny, and more often it’s a little vulgar. And occasionally it’s vile. Still, it’s rather easy to close the door, or put them in the trash… even if it’s a little sad. Liked the post.

  7. I’m so with you on this! I hate spam and I can’t believe the ones I get on my blog – very similar to many of yours. The best are the ones in awful English that are trying to sound like they read the blog and enjoyed it without actually saying anything at all! Seriously – are people so dense as to fall for that?!

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