Category: life lessons

anxiety, friendship, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

A Tuesday Whisper. A Hope For A Lifetime

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I have to say that after I read this quote, my first thought was “Hmmm, I hope he told this to Zelda.”  My second thought was how complete.  Whether wishing another well in his/her professional or personal life, whether young or old, currently contented or suffering from a case of the emotional itches that disrupt your day.  For all the times I’ve written about ‘rules of management’,  lessons learned from the workplace, etc – the truth is that no one has offered up the ultimate rule book on your life.  You can choose all the time, a scary thought in and of itself, but also so full of promise.  If you want to be a better boss, friend, spouse, parent, child – go for it.  Feel some comfort in knowing that there is nothing stopping you other than your own discomfort, malaise or fear – and those can be stared down with a little fortitude (and perhaps a glass of wine).

To reflect upon your day and feel proud of how you met its challenges and embraced its joys in equal measure.  And to know that you can re-create it however you see fit at any moment.  These are gifts you can give yourself – you deserve them.  Give generously.  Have a great day.

discretion, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

Remembering Grace; Forgetting The Snark

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Well may I be the first to tell you that I have the technological expertise of a gnat – presuming the gnat lacks much of an elevated intellect or facility with anything other than bugging people (good pun…).  I have been trying to cut and paste, paste and cut, copy urls, open images in other tabs…I have a headache.  I’m getting the message.  I am not meant to post any more on my page than is already there – it is crowded enough with archival references, comments, copyright language, etc…I get it, the universe has spoken.

Nonetheless, over the weekend I was fortunate enough to be given two awards from people whose work I greatly enjoy and with whom I am developing a friendship in the ether for which I am even more grateful.

I received the One Lovely Blog award from the wonderful writer of truthletsandthoughbits.wordpress.com.  Not only is her writing delightful, her generosity (and patience) comes through every post.

Simon Marsh accorded me the Sunshine Blog award.  I have written about Simon’s blog before, finding his observations and warmth as enveloping as a favorite sweater.

I am humbled by the praise – truly.  There have been a few bloggers to whom I have paid it forward, who clearly didn’t feel I was doing them any kindness.  They responded with a polite thank you, and a somewhat snarky perception of the lack of gravitas associated with these manufactured follies.  To them, I apologize and assure them I will never mention them again.  I will say though that no one is mistaking this recognition for a Pulitzer, a publishing contract or a stellar review from the New York Times Review Of Books.   Suggesting that someone makes you happy or makes you think or inspires you to wonder at the magnificence of a photo or a poem – I don’t know, to me that seems to be a mighty signficant reward in and of itself.   That is how I interpret these acknowledgements.  I may not be permanently posting them on my page, but that is a result of my extensive and embarrassing limitations.  It is not a reflection of my appreciation at all, for that I can demonstrate by thanking you again and again.

anxiety, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Un-manic Your Monday

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We all know what is going to happen when the morning arrives…You’re going to try and hit the ‘snooze’ button and miss, causing the book to fall off the night table, which will jar the dog, encouraging him to nudge you to let him/her out.  The coffee will begin to drip as soon as you push the button…as soon as you find the button through your half-open eyes.  Get the paper, feed the dog, grab some coffee…and then the rhythm begins to accelerate and your ‘musts’ will over-take your ‘wants’.  You’re in gear and to quote one of the crazy characters from “Madagascar” – you’ve got to move it, move it.”

Manic
Manic (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Whoa…hold up one minute.  What would happen if you changed the routine a bit?  If you sat down while drinking your coffee, enjoying the silence for a moment.  Just.sit.still.  Not for the whole morning – let’s not go crazy.  Watch the sun rise – it’s a methodical process and involves moving with determination and inevitability, but it is also slow enough to relish.

Before you jump into the frenetic response to emails that relentlessly poured into your inbox – wait a second.  Make a short list – what unequivocally has to be done today, which employees are you going to make it a point to see, is there a more efficient way to follow up on incomplete items from last week?  Can you pick up the phone and talk instead of beginning an endless email chain?  What is one thing you could do this week to reinforce your effectiveness?  One thing.  If this question was posed to you by your boss, with the additional caveat that you had to come up with a suggestion – what would it be?  This is the thought for the morning’s drive to work, or the moment between conference calls or when you walk the stairs from one floor to the other.  One thing.  Just think of the satisfaction you would derive from adjusting, substituting or introducing one new approach to your day.  I’m not even going to ask what could happen if you posed this question to yourself on a more regular basis.  You might actually enjoy your day instead of anticipating its end.

So – what are you going to do?  Please let me know – and whatever you do – have a magnificent Monday!

friendship, humor, life lessons, love

A Royal Revelation

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It’s been a stunning morning – literally.  I was watching the coverage of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, and suddenly it hit me.  Bear with me now…I think I am royalty.

I know – it shocked me too.  But frankly, there have been many subtle, and not-so-subtle clues about my true lineage, that when considered in their totality seem to reinforce this belief.  I began to give this more thought in the shower, and as slowly as the shampoo meandered down the drain, certain memories crept to the fore of my increasingly clean head.  Consider the following:

1.  My sister used to tell me I was adopted.

2.  After hearing the story of “The Princess And The Pea”, she put a Wiffle golf ball under my mattress, and…wait for it…I had a bruise the next morning!

3.  My first wedding occurred when I was eight years old.  It was pre-arranged as are many royal weddings, undoubtedly a marriage more of bungalows and favorable real estate in the Catskills, than affection.  That said, Stevie Kurstein was very cute, never hurled spit balls at me and I think we made a lovely couple.  My sister officiated and as I recall all the local glitterati were in attendance.  I wore a tiara  (it’s getting clearer to you now too, isn’t it?), a faux mink stole, bermuda shorts and patent leather Mary Janes.  I remember not being able to find my Cinderella-like clear slippers (which are now a  fashion ‘do’ if you like to dance on the pole, if you know what I mean), so the patent leather had to do.  The reception at the Dairy Barn was nothing short of the event of the summer.  Sometime later the marriage was nullified, though the details are somewhat hazy to me.

4.  Good manners were essential in our house.  How to speak to grown-ups appropriately – mandatory; how to set the table correctly for a multiple-course meal – compulsory.  We were expected to be gracious and arguably were held to a stricter standard than most of our friends.  Even dad occasionally lifted his pinky when drinking coffee.  In retrospect, this was probably part of their subtle efforts to groom me for my inevitable future.  Mom would even ask, “Is this the way you would eat if you were dining with the Queen?”  I mean – could it be more obvious??  I needed to be prepared for my coronation and the festivity to follow, confident that I wouldn’t slurp my soup or hit the tines of my fork against my teeth.  She didn’t want me to embarrass myself.  Sigh…had I only known.

5.  I was taught to sit both English and Western saddles (presumably the latter in case I was asked to go riding with an American politician or celebrity – or both).  True, I never developed an appreciation for the hunt, but I do love dogs and I definitely can put together a beautiful pre-hunt spread.

6.  Our family history meets the criteria of questionable characters and mischief-making.  Unrequited childhood crushes on cousins, marriages, divorces, too much flirting amongst the adults for my sister and I to fully understand (though we knew it was salacious – well, we didn’t use that adjective necessarily, but we knew enough to put a glass up against the wall to try and listen to what was going on), days and nights of reckless abandon (actually that was my entire first two years of college…).  There were some annus horribilus (or is it ‘horribili’)  for us as well – all part of the mantle one wears I suppose.  There were even odes written to my loveliness (ok, that’s not true, they were more like “There once was a girl from Jackson Heights…”).

7.  My mom used to tell me that she never imagined me to be the type to work as hard as I did.  Rather, she pictured me “sitting by a pool, eating bon bons”.  You might take this to mean that she viewed me as a non-contributing sloth, but I think she was trying to tell me that I was supposed to answer to a different calling.

8.  My sons are princes among men.  Brilliant, handsome, charming – who as teenagers also knew how to party with regal flair and flourish.

9.  As a child, I used to tie a blanket around my neck and pretend it was my ermine cape; my baton was my scepter.  I still have the scepter – two actually.  They’re made of titanium and are strategically placed on either side of my spine.  I don’t have any ermine, but my mom’s mink coat hangs in our closet.

10. I love a good handbag, and my nieces used to ask if they would inherit my jewelry when I died.

11. My home is my castle.  True, I define ‘castle’ quite loosely.

12. My virtues are more symbolic than actual.

Ok, there you have it…my mind is just reeling trying to absorb all of this.  I realize the likelihood of my assumption to royal status is a flight of fancy.  I am destined to remain anonymous and one of the people.  Alas, I will take pride in being a mini-matriarch of all that I survey and love.  I am now going to hold my freshly washed head high and drive to the supermarket.

humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Saturday’s Hope

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My theory about weather forecasters is that with all their radar, doppler images, jet streams – they’re still wrong 50% of the time.  I always wanted a job where I could be successful and only be right half the time, but once again I digress…well, one more thing – I think their odds would be greatly improved if they were given a window.

Last night the weather gods were pretty ticked off around here.  Tornado warnings for the Washington D.C. area?  We were all too busy watching the different storm trajectories to head to the lowest level of our homes.  Thunder, lightning, frogs, locusts, a band of evil angels…oh, sorry – wrong story.  Although there was a lot of thunder and lightning and a frog somehow managed to hop into our kitchen from the garage.  The boys and their wives were safe, Sir Theodore had his Thunder Jacket wrapped securely around his shaking body (he’s not a hero in a storm) – all was fine.  And we had a rockin’ stormy night.

Tornado Warning
Tornado Warning (Photo credit: Bitman)

This morning, the air is freshly laundered and settles on my skin as a cool whisper.  The sun is going to rise today with renewed vigor – a reminder  that each day brings new promise.  As the night brought renewal to the day, I hope this weekend treats you with gifts of a little time for yourself, time with those you love and a chance to breathe some absolutely delicious air.

 

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

A Week Of Surprises

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Well this is has been quite a week – two awards – really??  Perhaps a more seasoned, sophisticated blogger would accept such accolades with greater serenity and a whole helluva lot more cool, but I lay no claim to sophistication nor experience.  And I have serious doubts about my ‘coolness’ quotient too.  So, I can respond with an enthusiastic thank you and gratitude.  I’m truly surprised and really pleased.  I’m not sure which tickles me more – being a recipient of such generosity or being able to introduce some of the wonderful talent that I take pleasure in visiting on a regular basis.

According to the rules of the award, I first and foremost want to thank newsofthetimes.wordpress.com for this award.  This is a terrific site to objectively discuss timely issues and share perspectives on subjects that are both far-reaching and compelling.  I’m always surprised by what the topic du jour is going to be – and am really impressed with the creativity reflected on this site.  Thank you again – and keep on writing!!

Next, I am supposed to recommend fifteen bloggers who I feel are deserving of this award.  This is a little tricky – for I have nominated some in the past who arguably don’t need one more award – they’re that good.  And yet, their names may appear again for their blogs are a constant source of delight, creativity and/or food for thought.  So here goes – I hope you can link to all of them.

Lead.Learn.Live.wordpress.com – David Kanigan is in a class by himself (and I mean that in the best possible way).  His posts have incredible breadth, heart and inspiration.  There are a host of things for which I could thank David – including the occasional ‘atta girl’ – this seems to be as good a way as any to express my appreciation for his talent and support to this novice.

The Grand Master/Little Master Series.com – I love the questions that are posed on this site, as the author strives to write books for parents and children which support strong values, confidence and compassion.

Help Me Rhonda. com – If you’ve never ‘met’ Rhonda – you’re missing a gift.  Funny, pensive, engaging and real – we have become cyber-friends of similar minds and sleep patterns!  Her writing never ceases to delight.

Girl On The Contrary.com – I’m laughing as I write this.  Her ability to find humor in the mundane, laugh-out-loud indignation at the little insults life can throw one’s way AND her excellent book recommendation make me forever in her debt.

Simon Marsh.com – Simon is a parish priest for an Anglican church in the north of England.  His observations of life, and the incredible generosity of his spirit always provides a peaceful respite, a place to visit where life’s complexities seem surprisingly simple.

Not Quite Old.com – Although none of us are getting younger, this blog and the adorable illustrations that accompany each post certainly gives one the impetus to make peace with gravity and maintain one’s humor.

Where’s My T-Backandotherstories.com – There is so much to this site – posts about the insults of illness and the aging, magnificent photographs from all over the world.  The delicate mixture of beauty and sorrow makes this site one I return to often.

Todd’s Perspective.com – You never know what Todd is going to post, for he scours the Internet for cogent articles, pictures, quotes that are as eclectic and different as one moment can be from the next.

Practical Practice Management – Tina offers up terrific posts about work life and management.  She can be provocative and thoughtful – and I appreciate that she is willing to tackle any number of sensitive issues.

supertucksmama.com and the book of alice  – Two blogs about two remarkable little children and their even more remarkable moms.  I just love checking into their worlds and see what’s new – for something always is!

I’ve just started reading these blogs and think you will enjoy them as much as I do – lifeintheboomerlane.com; magnolia beginnings.com; blessedwithastaronherforehead.com and tracie louise photography. com.  Whew – ok, I think I’ve met the second criteria!

Finally, I’m supposed to tell you seven things about me…hmmm..

1.  My profession has demanded that I be ‘out there’ yet at core, I’m a very insular person.

2.  My name is pronounced with a ‘short i’ in the first syllable, but down here in Northern Virginia, everyone calls me “MeeMee” (which would make my mother turn over in her grave).  That said, as a kid everyone called me “Mini” cause I was so short – sigh…

3.  I used to sing under the elevated subway in Queens where I grew up.  I’d try to hold a note for as long as it took for the train to pass.

4.  I am humbled by the people who have ‘found’ me over the course of the past year.  As I closed the door to working at the firm, and the concomitant loss of identity began to descend, another door really did open and it was one replete with love and some of the most amazing people I have ever known.

5.  I still cry when my kids leave to go to their homes – and the two married sons live only 15 minutes away.  Thankfully they still humor me and let me take them out on ‘dates’ like we did when they were little.

6.  My husband and I met by being set up on a blind date orchestrated by our two nieces when they were four years old and their moms (who were a little older).

7.  I am truly as corny as you imagine me to be.

Well, that does it for me today.  Thank you again – I am so thrilled to be part of this amazing group of people who create their unique magic out in the ether!

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

“How To Be Perfect”

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English: Logo of NPR News.
English: Logo of NPR News. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wednesday morning, driving to the gym and listening to NPR.  At that hour of the morning, Garrison Keillor presents ‘The Writer’s Almanac‘ providing interesting factoids about authors that would ensure victory in a game of Trivial Pursuit, if only I would remember them.  He then reads from the ‘Poet’s Corner‘ – and I literally had to pull over to listen to his gentle voice intone excerpts from Ron Padgett‘s poem “How To Be Perfect”.  Given my post yesterday, the juxtaposition was almost eerie and definitely surprising in the best of all possible ways.  I wanted to share it with you, for in keeping with the belief that we could be a bit kinder to ourselves in many areas and more honest with ourselves in others – there is no one who can communicate this like Ron Padgett.

Excerpts from “How To Be Perfect”

Get some sleep.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly.  It will help make you happy.

Hope for everything.  Expect nothing.

 

Take care of things close to home first.  Straighten your room

before you save the world.  Then save the world.

Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

 

Don’t stay angry about anything, for more than a week, but don’t

forget what made you angry.  Hold you anger at arm’s length

and look at it. as if it were a glass ball.  Then add it to your glass

ball collection.

 

Wear comfortable shoes.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

Plan your day so you never have to rush.

 

Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if

you have paid them, even if they do favors you don’t want.

 

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Don’t expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Don’t be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

Don’t think progress exists.  It doesn’t.
Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don’t do

anything to make it impossible.

Forgive your country every once in a while.  If that is not

possible, go to another one.

 

If you feel tired, rest.

Don’t be depressed about growing older.  It will make you feel

even older.  Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

 

If you burn your finger, put ice on it immediately.  If you bang

your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for 20

minutes.  You will be surprised by the curative powers of ice and

gravity.

 

Do not inhale smoke.

Take a deep breath.

Do not smart off to a policeman.

Be good.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot.  It’s a waste of time.

Drink plenty of water.  When asked what you would like to

drink, say, “Water, please.”

 

Take out the trash.

Love life.

Use exact change.

When there’s shooting in the street, don’t go near the window.

 

Lots to think about, lots more to smile about.  Please let me know if this struck you as wonderfully as it affected me.  Here’s to a fun-filled, thoughtful Thursday!

 

anxiety, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

An Exercise In Good Thought

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I’m not sure how many of you remember the Saturday Night Live skits with Stuart Smalley.  His tag line was “I’m good enough.  I’m smart enough.  And doggone it, people like me.”  A somewhat insipid character in a blue cardigan and bad toupee routinely talking to himself in a mirror.  Somehow in retrospect it doesn’t sound very funny, but it became part of our social lexicon for a while.

When I was in grad school learning the ins and outs of various therapeutic interventions, I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. David Burns – one of the pre-eminent practitioners of cognitive therapy.  Although his lecture listed towards the yawning, he was a delightful person to speak with one-on-one.  I was nervous; he was not.  My tendency in these situations is to be as self-deprecating as possible – far better that I expose my multiple flaws before anyone else does.  And as I was tripping over my tongue with phenomenally irrelevant bits of personal data, I stopped and said, “I guess you’d suggest I change the tape in my head, huh?”  At which point he laughed and nodded and moved on to less neurotic company.

Our ability to self-criticize is legendary.  People have written about it for years.  Woody Allen made his fortune exposing various elements of his imperfect self-perceptions to his audiences.  We can repeat certain tapes in our heads throughout our lives – never considering their veracity, shelf life or relevance.  I can hear certain voices in my head (relax, I’m not talking delusional here) that have asserted themselves on my self-image ever since I was a kid.  They still carry weight and define how I perceive myself.  I know on some level that it’s fiction.  I know it isn’t healthy.  And on some level I know I have to change the tape.  It hasn’t done me any good since I hit the ‘play’ button.  I mean come on, tapes are obsolete – what the hell am I doing with a cassette recorder in my head!!

There’s an element of ‘fake-it-til-you-make-it’ to cognitive therapy.  Changing the message that you have reacted to for years, replacing it with one that is more accurate, timely and of your own design sounds relatively benign.  The hard work comes into play as you exercise your mind (that sounded a little like Timothy Leary, didn’t it?)  – recognizing what thoughts promote feelings of insecurity and negative self-worth – and having the wherewithal to change them.  The theory is that we react emotionally to what we think, not vice versa.  You have to get into the habit of telling yourself the truth – and see how your heart responds to that reality.

This isn’t a paean to cognitive therapy, Dr. David Burns or Stuart Smalley.  It is a paean to you – for chances are good that some of what you react to through the course of a typical day has little to do with the moment itself and everything to do with some antiquated message that is integrated into your thought patterns.  You are smart enough and good enough and I’m pretty damn confident that people like you.  What are you going to do to like yourself?

 

humor, life lessons

A Tuesday Musing – And My 100th Post

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I tire of the Kardashians

The wanna-bes and might-have-beens

The housewives of the suburbs wealthy

Are caricatures of the less than healthy

Today the news broke with a sigh

That Justin Bieber ‘s camera shy

He decked a photographer while in LA

Then promptly left to tour Norway

Let’s not address the hostile drone

That Gaga’s a Madonna clone

Tom Cruise has a four octave range

He may be cute, but he’s also strange

I swear to you this all made the news

My ears just ache, my brain feels bruised

If this represents what we want to know

I think a desert island’s the way to go.

humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

One Of Those Nights

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I’m sure you know what I mean – one of those nights which just blends into the morning uninterrupted but for about an hour or so of sleep.  Although I will undoubtedly feel the effects later today, I have to tell you – it was a great night.  No epiphanies (admittedly rare for a Jewish person to experience, but occasionally I come up with something really good);  my body continued to rebel against the stubborn heat, with more parts aching than I even knew I had;  Sirs Arch & Theodore definitively won the battle for space on the couch, allowing me just enough room for them to sprawl on top of and/or and next to me.  I know, I could nudge them aside, but I never do – I’m a ridiculous mom, even for furry, four-legged members of our family.

But here’s the coolest thing…When I walked the dogs at around 1:00 or so, I looked up at the sky.  The stars seemed to be taking their places in the black expanse as if they knew where they were supposed to be.  Everywhere I looked, they were popping out and appearing to move from one point to another, jockeying to make sure that they were in their rightful place.  A starlit sky is breathtaking, one in which the stars seem to be waking up and assuming their nighttime positions is amazing.  And it got better – the fireflies were out en masse as well.  I was out there long enough to figure out that they don’t light arbitrarily.  I think they’re playing ‘Marco Polo’.  One yells ‘Marco’, while others flit through the sky before responding ‘Polo’.  I have a hunch the game continued long after we went inside, though I was hypnotized by all of this activity for quite awhile.  The night was resplendent with light and dancing and mischievous activity.  I stood there grinning like an idiot, convinced I had just seen the most magical of sights.

So much for a sleepless night with vapid tv choices.  The view from outside was so lively and magnificent, I would have stayed out all night.  Would have of course, if the mosquitoes had been asleep.

humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, parenting

So Lucky Saturday

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I don’t think I have more fun than hanging with my kids.  Last night two of the three plus daughters-in-law were here for dinner, celebrating a birthday and anniversary (not mine).  Easing into the weekend with a lot of laughter,  some serous sidebars and multiple chances to wrap  my arms around these amazing people who I love with all that I have and then some.

Adult children don’t necessarily say adorable, wondrous things that can delight both parent and reader.  Their bodies no longer resemble the round, magically smelling perfection that I can still remember with all my senses.  They have to bend down to kiss me – a completely inverted calculation.  And yet, as often as we see each other (which is thankfully, often), as easily as we still share the thoughts in our heads and the secrets of our hearts – I am always left in tears when they head back to their homes.  I cry with gratitude – they are the most remarkable people; I cry with disbelief, for I truly don’t know where the time has gone (I mean really – have you seen me lately?  Who would think I would have a 30, 28 and 25 year old) and I cry because every time they go away, I want to keep them with me.  Corny stuff, huh?  I know, but there is no other way for love like this to be articulated – we’re past poopy diaper jokes, dirty baseball uniforms and unexpectedly found condom wrappers.  What we’re left with is a perfectly imperfect family, that continues to return to itself to restore, renew and reaffirm this story which is as old as time itself.

My boys…my boys…

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

You Made It!!

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If you’re traveling this weekend, be safe.  If you’re hanging out this weekend, relish it.   Whatever you do, laugh a lot, eat yummy stuff, revel in the love of your family and friends.  If you’re barbecuing – make sure you have charcoal or propane before you’re ready to grill.  Sleep in, rise early.  Relish that you have the choice.  Whatever you do – enjoy.  And for my son, who was in Baghdad a few short years ago – I will take a moment to be grateful for those who have served the USA with courage, conviction and enormous sacrifice.  For my dad and my father-in-law, I will pause and honor the reality that as young kids they enlisted en masse to end a war that was to end war.  And I  will also bow my head and wonder for a little while, why we can’t learn from history.

This is a crazy world we live in – enjoy your weekend to the max!