discretion – Page 6 – Waiting for the Karma Truck

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

In Friendship Friday

August 3, 2012August 3, 2012 mimijk

“This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.” — James Lecesne

It’s that simple. And that complicated. Coming out of my little migraine haze yesterday, I found that in a 24 hour time span, I had missed a lot of important stuff. Stuff that is important to me. My circle of friends is small – though it has grown in miraculous ways over the last six months. At the ripe old age of not-so-young, I hold my friends close. Perhaps it is because I lost one of my closest friends to suicide ten+ years ago. I’m not ready to write about that just yet. But I would call her Winnie (long story) and she would call me Piglet (a size thing – not so long a story) and though we held few secrets, I never thought she would need to leave this world. I truly believed that as long as she knew that I was always at the end of her rope when she reached it, she’d hold on. But she couldn’t. Again, a story for another day when the sun is shining and my heart can risk the mention of her name.

Yesterday one of my friends was circling the abyss which is filled with doubt and dread and darkness. I wasn’t worried that she would slip, I worried that she didn’t know that she had safe haven from the awfulness that was riding on a non-stop carousel in her head. She kept switching seats; some of the horses were magnificent (and went up and down); others were fierce though immobile, yet too seductive to ignore. I’m not blessed with a sixth sense – but I do begin to feel uneasy. Not hearing from Simon made me worry enough that I couldn’t let it go until I heard from him. Reading a message that held a more important message behind the words sent me to a very special friend to check in. The silence before she responded to me was interminable. The fact that I caught her on the merry-go-round as she flew past one horrid thought after another was luck. Luck and the evidence that there are invisible connections between friends that bind them in amazing ways.

Sometimes life overwhelms. Despite all of our efforts to see the sky and believe in the beauty of all things, days can just…well, suck. I don’t know that friendship can change the course of a day; it can perhaps slow down the carousel long enough so that someone can get on the ride and saddle up next to you. You can each hold onto your pole and circle the darkness together. Sometimes just having someone next to you makes the continuous rotation less dizzying. The key to friendship is wanting to be there even if you hate carousels, if the depth of the abyss scares the hell out of you, but being present for your friend trumps any hesitation. Other times you just have to hug hard and bring Kleenex.

Pain and confusion, the enormity of choices we make throughout the course of our lives – they arrive and take their own time to work through to resolution. Friends can’t eliminate these realities; they are safe havens when someone needs it – whether or not they know it. Friendship reflects the awesome power of love that won’t back down.

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh?” he whispered.

“Yes Piglet”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. “I just wanted to be sure of you” (A.A. Milne)

That power of love – it can get you through an awful lot. It can give you the gift of being your best self. And in doing so – everyone feels they have received a prize at the end of the ride.

discretion, friendship, humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness, work life

Take Me As I Am – Whoever That May Be

July 31, 2012 mimijk

There’s always a little voice inside my head that questions whether I’m good enough. As I’ve gotten older (please note, I did not say “matured”), it occurs to me that I’ve got to get on the stick and kick this hefty can down the road and out of sight. It’s rusty, dented and contains so much stuff that I will likely never resolve, so I might as well get rid of it. Besides, I like the look of this guy…

It feels so defiant to say ‘take me as I am’. So risky. At least for me. Of course it also suggests that I am completely sure who I am – and I guess that is sort of a work-in-progress exercise. I’ve never been an either/or person, the world to me is so resplendent with colors and shadings that absolutes are the bigger challenge (one exception – the words of one of my first bosses “Today, you have full authority to do the right thing” – I try to remember that daily. Other than that, all bets are off).

So despite my continued lack of personal clarity, I marvel at my friends who love me in spite of myself. Jo and I go months without seeing each other and literally pick up conversations mid-sentence. When we finally saw each other Friday night, all Andy could do was shake his head with a smile and say “I totally get it”. I know her eyes, can see what they’re telling me; I can tell by what she doesn’t say, exactly what she wants to say. This friendship from childhood provides a secure knowledge and confidence that the elemental aspects of who I am is understood on the most intrinsic level. Whether or not you are sure, someone with a historic reference is sure I’m more than ok. The joy of rediscovery.

The prism through which friendship is viewed, can be seen from a different perspective with new friends. Carrie, Donna, Lori, Rhonda…I have been blessed with these women through serendipity (waiting for a manicure, Andy’s bowling team and through our blogs respectively). As Carrie and I spoke yesterday over mediocre Greek salad (a nod to my Jenny Craig efforts – I am craving a milk shake about now), I realized how our friendship developed without pretense or guile – we passed those markers somewhere along the road and no longer have any patience for either. I have connected with women who are wise and strong, experienced and romantic, tender and tough enough to have withstood their share of challenges and pain. They don’t suffer fools, but they embrace you if you hurt. They hug hard (figuratively and literally) and protect fiercely. If I am defined in part by my newer friendships, I’m feelin’ pretty damn good. The joy of renewal.

The knowledge that I have gained from less-than-positive choices runs deep and is beginning to hurt less. Learning the difference between providing a service to someone v. sharing in a friendship is a tough lesson for me to absorb. This first year away from the firm has been painful in that regard. On the one hand I am surprised at myself – I know a little bit about human behavior, what drives office dynamics and what distinguishes mutual understanding – ‘you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours’ – from friendship. I was unceremoniously dropped and the pain of landing on my butt was unexpected. A year later, I wish I had chosen to be the one who walked away. I certainly would have felt more graceful.

How cool to still have the time and luxury of finding me – if I choose to look – and to do so with the confidence that I may never know? Better still is the feeling that I can look around and find the best, most flattering definition I will ever seek. My friends.

discretion, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Thoughtful Thursday

July 26, 2012 mimijk

Oh Al I swear, you’re a genius! Even before ‘multi-tasking’ became part of the social lexicon, you were decrying its effectiveness. Good on you big guy, and lucky for the woman you were kissing in the car. Better to pull over and focus. A taboo idea I know – doing one thing at a time and getting it right.

When I was at the firm, he who juggled the most balls in the air without dropping any, won. Yes, there were migraines, emotional short-circuits, missed anniversaries and birthdays – but man, could people juggle conference calls, client meetings, intra-office drama, toggling between dual monitors in their offices while checking Blackberries and texting on their iPhones. Conversations – if that is what one chooses to call them – were stolen in the Starbucks line, or in fifteen minute intervals, or checked in a box.

You’re right – balls got dropped. Perhaps not the ones that determine the size of a year-end bonus, and most assuredly not those that would compromise the zealous representation of one’s clients.

I spent a lot of time with people who had dropped the other stuff along the way – without thinking that the ramifications would be so profound. The parent who routinely watched her daughter play in a sports tournament while emailing on her iPad and chairing a conference call and genuinely fretting because she and her child weren’t close; the husband who couldn’t reconcile the wonderful woman he had married with the raging, angry alcoholic she had become – for she had never shown any signs. The affair that grew over time because neither person was ever home long enough for intimacy and friendship to grow roots there – though they insisted they tried. They didn’t intend for this to happen. The thrown blood clot that resulted from excessive time on planes and trains. The pseudo-friendships that ended up defining one’s inner circle because there was no time to cultivate genuine loving relationships, and the resulting isolation and loneliness that prompted yet another script for antidepressants. The young associate who wept in my office upon discovering that this brass ring for which she had sacrificed much was not what she thought it would be and didn’t want to ride the carousel anymore – but for the enormous debt, mortgage and car payments.

No signs? Really?

I didn’t judge it then, I’m not judging it now. I do find the sincere disbelief…well, surprising. We all struggle to do the right thing in the face of competing demands and increasing competition. But what do you want to win? And who are you kidding if you think that everything you are juggling has equal weight and heft, allowing you to balance it all equally? The reality is that those weights change and morph according to time and circumstance. Sacrifices will be made and balls will drop – that’s the reality. There is also this inalienable truth – you have to decide what to focus on, what values you will only compromise so much and how to give the people you love the best of who you are. Maybe you should focus on that kiss.

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

When All Else Fails

July 23, 2012 mimijk

“The universe is one of God’s thoughts” – Friedrich Schiller

What we do with our universe is obviously up to us. It’s only Monday, and yet the horrors on the news – from the unimaginable nightmare in Aurora, Colorado to the violence in Syria; the relentless crisis in Darfur to the inhuman treatment of young girls as part of a social ethos in some areas in the Middle East (and elsewhere). The abuse of children and animals, the disregard for the after care of mentally ill adults who have fallen victim to the mass de-institutionalization efforts in our own country. This list is not exhaustive and arguably doesn’t approach all that one can look upon with despair and impotence.

And I sit here in defiance, for I believe that free will is the distinction of our species. We can choose to shake our heads in sorrow and disbelief and go on about our day, or we can shake our heads emphatically and opt for the better part of our humanity. My commitment this week is to focus my posts on the magic of this world of ours, the moments when laughter and love are the universal chorus. This week I am going to celebrate our similarities and learn more about our areas of difference.

I received a note from a friend of mine today, referring to our budding friendship as a ‘gift from the angels’. It was a moment in an otherwise aggravating day involving a slashed tire, unresponsive roadside assistance dispatchers and a perilous drive to the dealership on a doughnut that looked like it could barely hold its own for two miles let alone twenty. Waiting on the side of a hot highway, trucks and cars passing too closely and quickly – a good Samaritan who came by after an hour and half and graciously helped me out (note to self – learn to change a tire). His kindness erased my irritation (but not my sweat which was a bit unpleasant for us both I think). I asked him what made him stop and he just shrugged and said that ‘this is why we’re here’. Messages from angels if we pay attention. I’m learning to listen to their words, and believe that they’re hanging out waiting for a little thank you and acknowledgement.

For friendship and love, laughter and forgiveness, faith in ourselves and in each other is a hallmark of who we are. And perhaps it is during these darker days which promulgate so much disbelief and anger, that we are most responsible for staring it down with its most wondrous corollary. Loving with a spirit that is unbowed, and humbled by the simple goodness that we can bring forward everyday.

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

Love The Fool

July 9, 2012July 9, 2012 mimijk

A lesson for today – at least for me. I am guilty certainly of being foolish, feeling more than is good for me (sometimes I see the world only in primary colors, which can give you a migraine after a while), suffering my losses and not acknowledging my wins. There are days when I cry over nothing, my emotional strength sapped and my ability to get out of my way completely ineffective.

Conversely, when I am wrapped in joy – as one would be a really fabulous terry cloth robe – I don’t think about it as something to cherish, to protect or celebrate. I delight in the moment, and do little to protect it from the harsher judgments that may later follow. My friend Lori calls it the little green monster that jumps up and down on her shoulder, whispering the words of self-doubt and harsh judgments that can force us into a box we don’t want to enter. I love her visual – and imagine that mine is more like a hyperactive Captain Hook (parrot included). Regardless – they do the same damage – not just to your shoulder, but to your psyche.

What saves us from ourselves? The delicious reality that we are – all of us – silly, frightened, impulsive sometimes and thoughtful other times, heroic in our hopes and dreams and timid when taking our first steps in a new direction. We break – our exteriors not necessarily reflecting all the cracks that we have re-glued and secured with sufficient emotional scar tissue.

As I have written about protecting the child within us, so too must we tip our hat to the wondrous fool that should not be silenced, or diminished or devalued by our ever-present voice of ‘should have, didn’t, and can’t’. Would we react to our days differently if we cherished the fool with the same reverence with which we listen to our Capt. Hook? If we remembered that both sides of who we are are of equal value and worth?

discretion, humor, life lessons

Spam – The Eternal Mystery

June 21, 2012June 21, 2012 mimijk

It is too unbearably hot to focus on any topic for longer than the time it takes for a bead of glow to travel from my forehead to my chin, or to consider how ridiculous it is that a walk down our driveway leaves me feeling like I’ve been on a steeply inclined treadmill for an hour (the driveway is flat by the way). Such forced lethargy and abbreviated attention span sent me with mild curiosity to my spam file where I found 159 spam comments in the queue and another 657 in inventory. I now get why they call it ‘spam’ – you have no idea how it came to be, what its content really is nor why the hell it lives longer than most messages do.

Spam..I’ve never tried to eat the stuff in the can, but I am amused by its literary counterpart. Here are some excerpts from my spam file –

– “What I don’t understand is how you are not much more liked than you may be right now”

– “Wie wil let nou nut? …Sexdating is naturlik helemaal gratis en anoniem”

– “I have certainly picked up anything new from here”

– “Have you tried Viagra?”

– “Cialis works! Contact us @_______”

– “Incredible article, great sex dude”

– “Keep functioning, impressive job”

– “Hormone replacement therapy – no prescription needed”

– “Please cover protein shake diets in the future”

– “Definitely believe that which you have sated. Nice site: check out sexdating – thanks for visiting”

– “Hello I have three children to register and didn’t see the registration form on the site. Their names and ages are ….”

Interestingly a lot of the spam is in languages I don’t recognize – I don’t read Chinese, Arabic, Russian and though I can limp my way through French, that’s the one language that never appears. A lot of the spam comes from some American Airways site – which is peculiar, given that United was the firm’s carrier of choice and the holder of all my personal information. Other than that, the only other pattern I could find was in the number of comments about sex and the presumption that I was male. Also amusing, given that I’ve never written about sex and I am confident that I’m a woman. After enjoying the silliness and complete olio that defines spam, I did find one comment that pretty much summed up my view of the entire file – “Hi Max: You have a fatal error”

Yup, I’d say so…

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Consider This..

June 18, 2012June 18, 2012 mimijk

Sometimes the greatest, most profound actions are a function of the simplest effort. Have a terrific day…

discretion, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

Remembering Grace; Forgetting The Snark

June 4, 2012June 4, 2012 mimijk

Well may I be the first to tell you that I have the technological expertise of a gnat – presuming the gnat lacks much of an elevated intellect or facility with anything other than bugging people (good pun…). I have been trying to cut and paste, paste and cut, copy urls, open images in other tabs…I have a headache. I’m getting the message. I am not meant to post any more on my page than is already there – it is crowded enough with archival references, comments, copyright language, etc…I get it, the universe has spoken.

Nonetheless, over the weekend I was fortunate enough to be given two awards from people whose work I greatly enjoy and with whom I am developing a friendship in the ether for which I am even more grateful.

I received the One Lovely Blog award from the wonderful writer of truthletsandthoughbits.wordpress.com. Not only is her writing delightful, her generosity (and patience) comes through every post.

Simon Marsh accorded me the Sunshine Blog award. I have written about Simon’s blog before, finding his observations and warmth as enveloping as a favorite sweater.

I am humbled by the praise – truly. There have been a few bloggers to whom I have paid it forward, who clearly didn’t feel I was doing them any kindness. They responded with a polite thank you, and a somewhat snarky perception of the lack of gravitas associated with these manufactured follies. To them, I apologize and assure them I will never mention them again. I will say though that no one is mistaking this recognition for a Pulitzer, a publishing contract or a stellar review from the New York Times Review Of Books. Suggesting that someone makes you happy or makes you think or inspires you to wonder at the magnificence of a photo or a poem – I don’t know, to me that seems to be a mighty signficant reward in and of itself. That is how I interpret these acknowledgements. I may not be permanently posting them on my page, but that is a result of my extensive and embarrassing limitations. It is not a reflection of my appreciation at all, for that I can demonstrate by thanking you again and again.

discretion, humor, inspiration, leadership, management, motivation, work life

“Bridesmaids” Management Lessons

May 23, 2012May 24, 2012 mimijk

I know, it’s been awhile since I shared with you the many management lessons I learn while at the movies. Yet as I watched Kristen Wiig dance her good-byes on SNL last Saturday, I remembered all that I gleaned from the deeply thoughtful, multi-layered and dare I say profound movie “Bridesmaids”. Perhaps not as obtuse as Bergman, but this was her first screenplay after all. I am sure this hasn’t been covered by Harvard Business Review because they are still debating the finer points of the movie. So, I will offer them up first because I need not discuss this with anybody before I publish it…

1. Just because you hand-pick some people to be part of your team, until they achieve a consistent rhythm of accomplishment through collaboration, they are merely a group. It’s best to engage (ha – no pun intended) people with different personalities and strengths, for the synergy will be heightened. So do the odds of potential discord – your challenge involves keeping everyone on track and focused on the goal. If a group is left on their own too soon, they may go out for tainted food and spend the afternoon in the bathroom. Not a very productive outcome.

2. Drinking is not a productive bonding activity. As someone who used to conduct seminars on an employer’s commitment to equal employment opportunities and sexual harassment prevention, many of the examples provided involved social/work situations and alcohol. When you’re with the team and when they’re with each other, everyone is on the company clock. As inconvenient as that may be, it’s also the reality of the workplace. Maybe you should consider bowling?

3. Don’t accept medication from people you don’t really get along with.

4. Realize that trust is an earned emotion and do whatever you can to make sure that it is never compromised. I’ve often said that it is the foundation of every successful relationship – professional or personal. It is also indicative of behavior that is consistent, reliable, informed and well-intended. Most critically though – it is fragile – and difficult to restore when broken.

5. Friends don’t let friends wallow. Neither do really good supervisors. Before you write-off a well-established employee, make sure you know whether a decline in performance is a result of a recent change in circumstances. If you can help him/her – do so. Performance does not sustain on a consistently positive trajectory – life gets in the way, bad days gets in the way, tragedy gets in the way. We have to move past the perception that everyone’s performance gets better and better and better every day, month, year. It’s just not true.

One last thought, unless you’re Melissa McCarthy I don’t recommend trying to pick up a U.S. Marshall when traveling on business.

What you do on your own time, is entirely up to you.

Next movie moment? Not sure – I’m thinking “Star Wars” or “Snakes On A Plane”…More movie and management reviews to come…

discretion, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, training

Was It Right Or Wrong? Yes.

May 14, 2012May 14, 2012 mimijk

“In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities – integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you” — Warren Buffet

When I was at the firm, I facilitated a program about Situational Ethics. Various hypotheticals were offered up for discussion – all work-related obviously, but ranging in subject from employer/employee dynamics to issues of client confidentiality. The realities of workplace demographics were a primary driver for the creation of the program. The firm had grown exponentially and people were not staying ‘from cradle to grave’, challenging the cultivation of loyalty and a deep understanding of the commitment to work reflective of unparalleled integrity. Certainly dedication and tenure along with personal and professional accountability are very strong motivators for people to do the right thing. We all know when something doesn’t pass our ‘sniff test’ – but what we then choose to do is another issue entirely.

As people become more and more anonymous within companies as a result of technology, higher turnover and generational perceptions, the risk of fraudulent and/or dishonest behavior escalates. Even with the most sophisticated processes in place, someone will still knowingly enter their time incorrectly, submit inappropriate expenses for reimbursement, falsely assert that something did or didn’t get done, etc.. Are any of these ‘wrong’ enough? Where does the responsibility rest? Is it the individual’s responsibility to maintain his/her integrity in the face of an ‘every-man-for-himself’ workplace? Is it the employer’s responsibility to underscore its absolute conviction to such a principle? And if the answer involves the latter, how does one respond when some misdeeds are overlooked?

I write this with no answers. On the one hand, I believe in the very basics of right and wrong – do the right thing by the people who work with and for you, don’t take what isn’t yours, tell the truth…On the other hand, have there been times when what I thought was the right thing, wasn’t? Have I always told the truth to my boss? Yes, there have been times when my actions probably were ill-considered, and knowing some of the bosses I have had in my career, there have certainly been occasions where his/her lack of receptivity, defensiveness or demeanor led me to couch my words or obfuscate them to the point of being completely opaque. Does it matter if my intentions were good even if the outcome reflected otherwise?

I suppose that is why the elements of a given situation often drive the answer to these questions. Rights and wrongs can often be variants of black and white, not absolute in any way. Certainly, I still hold that if one’s actions are guided by a belief that first and foremost we are here to offer the best of who we are to others, we’re on the right track. But beyond that, I’m not sure there are too many other absolutes. What do you think?

“If everyone were clothed in integrity, if every heart were just, frank, kindly, the other virtues would be well nigh useless” — Moliere

discretion, humor, inspiration, life lessons, management, mindfulness, training

Damn You’re Good – Aren’t You?

April 6, 2012April 6, 2012 mimijk

Well, yesterday was our second of five training sessions and I arrived home as energized and jazzed as I was last week. I am totally smitten with the program attendees (in a purely professional way, of course). I love their enthusiasm, candor, willingness to challenge me and question each other. I am fueled by our shared laughter, engagement and commitment. We’ve got some great mojo working and I’m with them every step of the way. My hunch is that I’ll be with them even when our time together officially ends, for we are becoming invested in the relationships we’re building.

As I was driving home, some of our discussions replayed in my head (along with a series of Motown songs which had absolutely nothing to do with what I was thinking about). I often say that we don’t realize how we are perceived by others – sometimes because we don’t want to know or don’t think it’s important to know. Other times we don’t have an audience that is prepared to tell us. So I’ll ask you – how good are you? And at what?

Take the following test (and don’t feel compelled to share the answers – this is just between us)…

– When was the last time you wrote a genuine, challenging goal – for yourself or in concert with one of your employees? Do you really know how to write one? I’m not talking about the over-used, over-touted SMART goal paradigm. I’m talking about the one that comes from your gut and your imagination – reflective of the knowledge of where you’re heading, where your department should be going and what has to be done once you get there. (Hint – ‘scorch and burn’ is not a goal, though you get one point for using verbs that have some activity associated with them)

– What are you doing to prepare your right-hand person for a promotion, how much have you increased his/her visibility to the powers-that-be? What has that person done for their critical second? Do you have a succession plan in your head and what does it look like? If you’re going to re-organize, does your plan include a concrete intent to re-tool the resources you already have?

– What have you learned from history that bears repeating? What do you wish you had never attempted because it failed so miserably (you get serious points for taking the risk)?

– Is your department terrific because it churns out work? Is that your definition of ‘terrific’? Does it also energize and re-energize itself, share accountability, reflect pride of ownership with strong cross-training opportunities? What have you done to form a team as opposed to a group of people who just happen to work in the same area and for the most part, get along?

– When was the last time you wrote a truly comprehensive, honest performance review which contained no surprises for the recipient – and shared it with the employee? When was the last time you were able to get a straight, candid response from your people about how you’re doing? Is that information important to you really?

You can ask yourself these questions with little modification within the context of your personal life as well. What goals are you setting for yourself? How do you want to ride this carousel – remember, you get only one ticket (unless you’re a cat, in which case rumor has it, you get nine). What steps are you taking to focus on the little wonders that happen around us everyday? I know, I know – this sounds trite and worthy of a good eye-rolling – but have you looked around lately? Our magnolia blooms are resting their heads against the breeze; just the other day a hawk stood poised and still on the roof of our gazebo looking as if it was waiting to have its portrait painted. My son wrapped me up in one of those mega-hugs that provide a transfusion of love that left me in tears (yes, I’m an easy cry – I’ve told you that already). Two barn owls have returned for the season and fill the evening air with their hooting and I hoot right back (a ridiculous exercise, but I’m trying to relate on their terms).

I was looking at pictures of my mom and dad when they were young – wow, they were a gorgeous pair. I miss them daily; I ache to hear my dad call me ‘sweetheart’ or mom saying ‘hi schatzi’. It’s more acute around the holidays, as I make the same meals that my mother did, served with some of the same tableware we had when I was a kid. Am I making sure that I notice life?? Are you? What am I doing to ensure that I live in gratitude and greater humility? Did I laugh enough today? What’s my plan to sustain my energy for this ride and could I do more to make sure I honor this time I’ve been given? How often do I say “I love you” or “You made my day” – how often did I feel like I couldn’t care one way or the other? What are your responses when you ask these questions of yourself?

So – how’d you do? If you had the courage to pose the questions, you’re already ahead of the game. If you have the conviction to re-visit the answers that you may like to change, you’re really good. And the mere fact that you read this all the way through and maybe gave it a little thought – well, that makes you terrific in my eyes. Happy Friday all and Happy Holidays to those who have traditions and beliefs that are honored this weekend.