Month: October 2012

anxiety, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Getting To Enough

mimijk

Thank you Molly Mahar – whoever and wherever you are.   This resonates with me.  Especially the mistakes part.  I have made and continue to make a lot of mistakes.  Even if I were less self-deprecating, I wouldn’t register on the perfection scale,  and that’s a-ok with me.  Of course there are things I’d like to do better, and I’ll keep trying – but perfection?  No thanks.  Not only is it illusory, it’s a state of hubris which in and of itself is imperfect and insufferable, so there you go.  I choose to break the cycle before it starts.

What I can stop doing is obsessing about all the things that I don’t get right.  The conversations that miss a beat, the nuance I fail to notice.  Not checking in with my friends and family enough (whether or not they check in with me with the same frequency), taking tomorrow as a given when I should consider it a gift.  Over-thinking.  Oh that’s a big one.  I looked at the quarter moon this morning and thought it looked like the perfect tip of a french manicure (which by the way, isn’t really French at all..).  And then I considered this an insult to the moon.  All of the magnificent analogies about ‘la luna’ and I end up with a french manicure?  How ridiculous.  But I digress (something else I do way too often – please tell me that is part of my charm)…Holding on to something way past its expiration date.   Adding so many ‘shoulds’ to the ingredients of my daily stew that I end up stewing so long that the meat of the day is too tough and chewy to be delicious.  I could go on, believe me  – and this would end up being a tome.  Boring and self-focused, and a tome.

I’m working on the adventurous part.  Lately I have pulled back and in, needing the security of my home and the time to delight in little events in the day that often go unnoticed in the quest for intrepid activity.  There was some Hatfield & McCoy turf war in the trees yesterday afternoon (well at least that’s what I think was happening).  Scores of wrens were chirping at each other, flying back and forth frantically between two trees, circling with the derision that only one wren can have for another.  Despite the absence of wind, the trees were shaking with vigor generated by this family feud.  One woodpecker was apparently trying to broker a deal – giving up eventually because his shrieks did nothing to appease anyone.  An adventure?  Perhaps not, but in my head the story unfolded as one.

And yes, earlier this week a stranger in the Starbucks line started to talk to me and I responded with “You can see me?!” (Long story, but a few of us in the blogosphere agreed to do this – and I was the only one who did – do I know how to have an adventure or what?).  The person replied, “Of course..” and kept talking.  So much for seeking adventure.  I guess adventure comes to she who just keeps her eyes open throughout the day.

So I’m thinking that it’s time to arrive at the place where I accept myself as being enough.  Doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to try to be a better person, wife, mom, sister, friend – but perhaps with a little less self-flagellation in the process.  I’ll remember that the gorgeousness of humanity is in the sparkle of the soul.  And of one thing I am certain – we all look great in sparkles.

 

 

discretion, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation, training

The Family You Have, The Family You Choose

mimijk

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:  whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” — Jane Howard

There are all sorts of families – the ones that we are magically born into or become a part of; the families that we build one person, pet, ritual at a time; the families of friends that may morph and change with the understanding that these connections are in many ways as binding as any others.  Within the context of this forum in which we meet and discover virtual understandings and ‘aha’ moments, we are defining a new family.  I think of many people in this community who I feel I know and love as members of my family too.  People who are always there to support me when I write through my neurotic moments, laugh along with my silliness, commiserate when life becomes complicated or evocative of times that are painful to recount.  Friends who I fret about and delight in, inspire me with their incredible talents, and celebrate with head-shaking wonder at the magic that they create regularly.

So it is within this uniquely bound family that I find myself accepting the Family Of Bloggers Award.  I love the implication of this honor, for it suggests that we are in many ways a family of choice.  We are together because we choose to be, minus some of the drama and trauma that come from nuclear units that are perhaps more complicated, defined by far different memories of shared history.

David Kanigan (DavidKanigan.com)  who writes the blog titled Lead.Learn.Live and Laurie Barkman who authors PassionatePerformance.wordpress.com both nominated me for this award this week.  David has a following that is remarkable in both its size, intelligence and loyalty.  When I started following his blog, I hoped to come close to the quality, provocative writing and thoughtful commentary that his writing reflects all the time.  I still don’t know how he does it, finding references, writers, images, videos that invite and engross the reader.  He is incredibly self-effacing, and he is shaking his head as he reads this not able to admit that all of this is true.  But I would bet an awful lot of money (if I had it, which I don’t, so I feel good about placing the bet) that there are many, many, many who agree with my summary.  I have followed him from the first day I came to WordPress and I will follow him should the time come when I no longer post..

My line of work and Laurie’s closely parallel each other.  The primary and striking difference is that she manages to imbue the topic of performance management and leadership with practical wisdom and a passion that is palpable.  As some of you may know from earlier posts, I have a love-hate relationship with this topic – perhaps because I’ve been training and speaking about these topics for so long.  But I return to Laurie time after time because her advice is wise and practical, her commitment sincere and passionate and the results always on point and well-considered.  As much as I believe that there is nothing new under the sun because of a general reluctance to deal with the discomfort of change, Laurie gently encourages me to reconsider and remember what I loved about training and development.

So, I thank them both and embrace the metaphor that I am part of their family, as they are part of mine.  I’d do the Sally Fields thing, but David would tease me – even though in my head I’m thinking “you like me, you really like me!”  As inspirational blogs go, I have many to nominate and feel certain that I would inadvertently miss some.  Which is why I am going to nominate all the people who are kind enough to read my posts each day, comment each day and travel on the karma truck through all sorts of topography.  Thank you for being part of my virtual family.  Thank you for embracing me from the moment I started seven months ago and for encouraging me to keep the gas tank full and ready to roll.

 

anxiety, discretion, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Whichever Way You Go

mimijk

“I can’t say I was ever lost, but I was bewildered once for three days” –Daniel Boone

Another reason for me to feel sizeable respect for dear Daniel – only three days of bewilderment?  No wonder he became a tv star and iconic figure – the guy knew where he was going.  I imagine him looking for animal scat, tasting berries and understanding the topology of the land so well that he never needed to ask for directions. I’m bewildered most of the time – and that’s with a GPS system.

I’m not even sure I know how I ended up here.  Recognizing that I have been with myself  throughout the last fifty-eight years (with some minimal exemptions through infancy and a few times in college), it seems somewhat disingenuous to beg disbelief, yet…how many of us can say that our lives are playing out exactly according to plan?  This isn’t a bad thing – it’s a respectful nod to the reality that for all of our planning, devising, fantasizing, considered thinking – life is going to happen and unfold in ways unforeseen, ways both magical and horrible.  And for all the control that we wish to assert over our lives, we also have to let go and let it happen.  Because it’s going to with or without permission.

This is a hard pill to swallow for those I know who are pretty controlling.  And yet, it can also be freeing.   I choose to believe that the fates have been inordinately kind, giving me moment after moment to savor, chance after chance to try again, years of frenetic activity and days of magnificent solitude.  My losses have been deep and define my emotional shoreline, offering protection against day-to-day irritants that no longer cause further erosion.  Love is represented in the highest elevations and they continue to rise.  Laughter, like wildflowers gone amok, proliferate the land I walk.  And all that is unknown is the forest I hesitate to enter, at times choked by fear and other times brazen with curiosity.   But given my poor sense of direction I’m probably not all that intrepid – I only go as far as the light allows,  for I have to be able to see my way out of the density of trees.  This I think is the caution that comes with learning a few lessons along the way.

And so it is this morning, with the Sirs asleep (one in my lap, the other on my foot), hot coffee in hand and the most comfortable silence imaginable, I can tell you that I have no clue where this road leads.  What I know with certainty is that I’m walking on some spectacular ground, surrounded by the whispers of my friends and family on the wind.  I’m planting as much of my best as I can, for I do believe that you get out of this journey what you put in.   And with that knowledge wherever I end up, that’s where I’ll be.  Ooh la la..

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mimijk

There is little that David posts that I don’t find fantastic. Ok, I think all of his posts are fantastic. This one however really needs as wide an audience as it can find. Happy Friday..

Live & Learn's avatarLive & Learn

SONDER:

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

Quote Source: conflictingheart via That Girl.  Image Source: soulist-aurora via madamescherzo

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inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, parenting

A Really Good Man

mimijk

“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons.  And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if just in your eyes.” –  Walter Schirra Sr

 

See that gorgeous baby?  Today he turns thirty-one – at around 10:47AM.  As much as he will shake his head with disbelief and some embarrassment that I am writing about him today, he can be comforted with the knowledge that he remains anonymous to most who will read this.  Truth is, it’s his birthday to celebrate; it is mine to remember.

I’ve assumed many hats in my life, and played at many roles.  We all do this – it’s part of growing up.  The one hat that I always wanted to wear was that of  ‘mom’.  I couldn’t wait.  I would admonish my six-year-old peeps if they were rough on their stuffed animals (my theory being that all these toys came to life once we slept, and their retribution would be fierce).   I was a maternal kind of friend before I could spell ‘maternal’  – or even knew what it meant.  Whatever I became professionally was serendipitous; becoming a mom was my touchstone.  If I became nothing else, so be it.

Memory blurs years together which must be why they pass so quickly.  One moment a baby is born and from that point forward time accelerates, making it impossible to isolate and hold each moment.  I can still remember holding and bathing him, the smell of his neck…I thought his baby toes were replaced with ten little pearls.   He squinted like Mr. Magoo, the lights were too bright.  So I’d squint back at him and dim the glare.  When he was nine months old he spent an entire night pulling himself into a standing position and then plopping down on his butt.  The next morning, he held on to a chair as he rose and wobbled into the dining room.  I was on the phone with my mom while I watched in disbelief – he had only crawled for four days!  Where were these days going?

We developed our own language and as awful as it sounds, I reluctantly brought him for speech therapy.  I wanted him to be able to converse with everyone; I wanted him just to talk with me.  He had one of those baby laughs that bubble up from the belly and just erupt into the room.  His grandmother’s toes were a real hit, don’t ask me why.  I couldn’t get enough of this child – I still can’t.

He is of course now a man – a really, really good man.  I respect him tremendously, though I love him more than that.  I love his heart – he will dismiss this publicly and appreciate it privately.  His sense of the greater good, his relentless work ethic.  He’s loyal and highly principled.  I love how much he loves his wife, how close he and his brothers are.  He’s very handsome.   I appreciate that he asks for my opinion though I fully expect him to do what he thinks is best.  I understand that I had to let him go into his life, and he understands that in many ways it is impossibly hard to do.  I keep trying to get that balance right.  My sons have grown into heroes in my eyes – not because of me, but in spite of me.

There are days when I just want to stop time and make cookie pizza, hold one on my lap and the other under my arm and repeat the chorus from “Horton Hatches An Egg”.   I want to watch a high school baseball game and learn secrets that most moms don’t get to hear (I am very very aware that I wasn’t told all of the secrets by any stretch).  It’s okay to want all of this, but time has its foot on the pedal and is driving this train.  So I’ll savor today and celebrate his birthday,  from his first breath to the man he has become.  May each day bring him all that he wishes for and may he wish for all that he has.  I love him all there is – Happy Birthday..

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mimijk

I am new to Sharon’s magnificent blog. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This whole post is about awareness, written with such sensitivity and clarity it needs to be read by as many as possible. I was moved beyond words..

aleafinspringtime's avatarA Leaf in Springtime

“To learn and not to do is really not to learn. To know and not to act is really not to know.” ~ Stephen R. Covey

Three years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I can tell you there is nothing quite like the sheer terror of tottering on the edge of a deep yawning abyss and peering down with wide stricken eyes.

I remembered clawing helplessly at the remnants of my life’s best laid plans. I remembered for the first time in my life, growing old seemed such a blissful prospect. I remembered being jolted wide awake.

In such moments of rare clarity, one of the first things that flashed across my mind was the shocking awareness and dismay of my own failings. I have tried to own up and learn from those mistakes. These are some of those lessons learnt from the school of hard knocks, long dark tunnels and other unlikely places of wisdom.

1. Our greatest failures are not…

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friendship, humor, life lessons

You’ve Gotta Laugh..

mimijk

..because otherwise, your facial expression would be far less attractive.

I received an email last week alerting me to the fact that I was going to be “Freshly Pressed”.  It was the ode to the stink bugs that piqued the interest of  the perusers of posts.  I was excited and more than a little surprised – I never expected to be selected and I certainly would never have expected to be selected for a short little ditty about my passionate disdain for this particular insect.

Anyway – it’s up on the Freshly Pressed page now.  And do you know what it’s under?  “More Entomology”.  Not “humor” – which may have something to do with my blog on occasion, not “life” – also not an unreasonable category.  Nope – I am now infamous for “more entomology”.  I’m sure this will drive my readership numbers through the roof and the sheer volume of people trying to read my blog will crash the system temporarily.

Oh well, it’s cool to be Freshly Pressed, I guess – though it’s a bit of a bummer to think that that little square on their page will be of no interest to anyone except those who are blogging about bugs.  The picture below is for all those who find these little guys fascinating.  I must admit, I liked him too.

To everyone else – I’m just going to keep writing about the things I always do.  And thank you for hangin’ out with me – without any reference to entomology.