Still Learning..

It seems only right to acknowledge that there are lessons one can learn daily.  This presumes of course that a) you’re looking for them, b) you have the luxury of stopping long enough to internalize them and c) you limit the distortion of your perceptions so that you don’t walk around thinking you know everything already.

Rather than write about the weekend in totality, I think I’m just going to share some of the more powerful takeaways…

– I can’t explain the existence of angels that sit on my shoulder any more than I can explain their alter egos jumping up and down like maniacs on the other.  What do you make of an email from a friend you have never met, reaching out to you because of a sense that you’re blue?  Hundreds of miles separate us,  I wouldn’t recognize her if we passed each other on the street – yet, we are connected in some inexplicable way that gave her clear, unfettered access to my heart on Sunday morning.  She wrote to check in; she just ‘had a feeling’…How incredible are moments like that?  How do you not feel that there is much about the universe that just defies explanation, but demands our gratitude?  And how stupid would we be if we didn’t stop to feel thankful?  Friends are gifts that are given to us – they have different parameters; different ‘past due dates’ – in that some will last for a while, others forever, some enter through a door you didn’t even know was open, and some need to move along for reasons that may or may not have anything to do with you.  Never ignore the presence of an angel’s wings – you’ll feel them against your check, as soft as a breeze, reminding you that you are connected to something far larger than you can imagine.  Yes Lori – I’m writing to you – with full heart and awe that you knew…

–  While walking by a crafts store I saw a listing of open positions for which they were hiring.  One title caught my eye – “Replenishment Associate”.  I think this means ‘stock clerk’.  And I suppose that I am a ‘domestic goddess’.  With this change in title, I now expect to be treated with greater deference.

 

–  My nephews are delicious, though I have learned that it is a bit unwieldy to have a 19-year-old sit in your lap or hold a 22-year-old in the same way you held him when he was two.  You do love them just as hard though..

– Your family may define you in one way, but it doesn’t define you in all ways.  Having most of my cousins over on Saturday reminded me how small our family has become, that there is still mystery inherent to birth order, and position within a familial hierarchy doesn’t change.  In most ways, you remain exactly in the same place – which can be both comforting and disquieting.  It is easy to succumb to a lot of the feelings of self-doubt and isolation that reside in the far corners of memory.  And as you slowly retire from those recesses and come back to yourself, there is nothing like having your sister there to remind you of the here and now, your sons to hug you one minute longer than necessary and your husband quickly anchor you and make sure you don’t  fly too far away.  If you look for reasons to feel loved or reasons to feel lonely, you will find both – choose love.