Month: April 2012

friendship, inspiration, leadership, management, training

High Hopes – Session Three

mimijk

Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that this is one of the songs that repeated in my head as I drove home from my third training session yesterday….”everyone knows an ant can’t/move a rubber tree plant/but he’s got high hopes/he’s got high hopes/he’s got high-apple-pie-in-the-sky hope…”

What can I say, I can be such a geek that I even I shake my head in disbelief.

Yesterday we met for our third training session – using Bruce Tulgan’s “It’s Ok To Be The Boss” as our framework.  I like Tulgan; I love the participants in the program.  I’m already dreading our last day – I have received more from this arbitrary group of people than I could ever provide them in return by facilitating these discussions.  I need to share with you just some of what I have learned – or re-discovered while on this brief journey with this engaged group of people:

–  Trust first, second, third, fourth…They demanded trust – from each other and from me at the outset of our program.  Our ground rules began and ended with that premise – what happened in the program, stayed in the program.  We would share openly, without filters with the understanding that I wanted to be challenged and I would reciprocate.  What continues to inspire and delight is the amount of mutual respect that certainly has trust as its predicate, but is furthered by the efforts that are made to be of help to each other.  Yesterday we spoke at length about some of the people – supervisors and supervisees – that present the inevitable frustrations and challenges that are faced on a daily basis.  The energy expended in truly listening to the speaker and attempting to respond with constructive, alternative approaches was staggering.  And tiring – we were all pretty fried when the day ended while still looking forward to next Thursday for another exercise in enthusiastic exhaustion.

– A network of people who do what you do, experience similar difficulties, share parallel objectives can provide more than just an opportunity to vent (which has its benefits, no doubt).  Your network can provide relevant suggestions,  commiseration, a dose of humor, perspective and  a sounding board for testing new ideas or strategies before bringing them forward to the powers-that-be.  And people in your network will hold you accountable to participate in kind.

– Shame on the C-level or director-level people who encouraged the participants’ attendance and never really intended to help them move forward with the very real challenges that these managers are facing all the time.  Since most of the people who read this blog never worked with me, I can risk being redundant  – hopefully without boring you.  Law firms face some difficulties which we haven’t addressed for years – an overabundance of local and global administrative resources who aren’t busy, aren’t being re-tooled and are largely being ignored because it’s the easiest option.  Many firms are not as busy as they once were and work is not being distributed evenly – some partners handle the work typically completed by senior associates, associates grab for paralegal work, paralegals take on administrivia and ennui creeps into the environment like some sort of ivy from “Little Shop Of Horrors”.  Expectations and a sense of entitlement permeate the air, along with the hum of people listening to their iPods while shopping on Amazon or Groupon.  We realize this has happened; we haven’t made the hard decisions that would allow people to move forward.

We have been working during these training sessions – and these managers can provide some terrific thoughts about shaking off this pervasive inertia – an engaged leader would listen to them.  These are smart, committed, devoted people who want to get their departments operating at the highest professional levels.  Listen to them – do more than just asking if s/he liked the course.

– We are a team.  We are proof of the distinction between a group of people who happen to be serendipitously thrown together by time and circumstance.  We call each other on the play we did (or didn’t) effect, support each other as we strive to fulfill both individual and group objectives and decisions are transparent.  The day is long, we take short breaks, bring our lunch in and get back in the game because we are all in it.  As one person lags during the 2:00 PM ‘I need a nap’ moment, another encourages him/her out of it with a cup of coffee (or the recommendation to get up and move around).  The rhythm of the day changes all the time – it’s my job to feel the ebb and flow and get us through in the most effective way possible.  That also means I often lead from behind – in other words, I let someone else take control of the conversation. It gives others the chance to control the direction of our dialogue, gives voice to specific concerns and provides a ‘safe’ place for people to practice their leadership skills.

– At the end of each session, each person writes about their ‘take-away’ from the day.  I take away a renewed awe at the tremendous results effected by a team of people from different generations with different cultural and ethnic histories  (so much more than that which can happen with a cookie cutter group of people).  I take away laughter and questions still to be answered and the humbling experience of watching someone have an “aha” moment.  I take away anticipation for next week and tremendous appreciation for having had the opportunity to spend the day with people who really want to exceed their own expectations.  I look forward, as always with “High Hopes”.  Happy weekend everybody.

inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Who Will Remember?

mimijk

I wasn’t going to write about this today.  A fellow blogger with far greater eloquence than I already posted her compelling thoughts about Holocaust Remembrance Day.  My mother was a Holocaust survivor; my sister and I are part of the first generation of her family who were born in the States.  We carry some of the  neuroses and survivor guilt that is common to those who share such strong genetic connections with those who suffered through a large part of their life instead of living it.

In a metal sewing box of my mom’s are moments frozen in time that I can’t imagine.  Unused food tickets for rations of meat, cheese and bread; certified declarations concerning the status (or lack thereof) of my grandparents at various points during the war and after; letters written in German between two sisters who represented a minority of an entire family who survived only in their memories – one settled in Basel, my grandmother in New York; a notarized request from a relative in NY to allow my grandfather to come to the States with a promise that this relative would employ, pay and shelter him (presumably so that the government would know it wouldn’t have to).  Some pictures of my mom’s family in Vienna when it was still intact.  The only other pictures are of my sister as a baby and toddler – proof certain that life continues with unfathomable beauty and hope.

I was told that after Kristalnacht, my grandfather’s response was to pray more.  Ultimately, he and his son ended up in a labor camp, my mother and grandmother escaped to the city of Troyes in France, where they remained until their quota numbers came up.  They traveled here on a cattle boat, infamous for its horrid conditions and the unforgivable number of people who died en route.  My mother arrived with diphtheria, she had it when she left France.  Were it not for the nuns who were willing to lie about her test results (she was being cared for in a Catholic hospital), she would not have been able to get on the boat at all, her quota number rendered worthless.  They came with little other than what they were wearing – sterling silver Shabbat candles that my grandmother was able to keep hidden (though I have no idea how), a doll named Lotte…

When my grandfather and uncle followed, the family ended up in a one bedroom apartment, my grandfather got a job a Barton’s Candy Manufacturing.  In the metal box is his pension document providing him with a $68.00 retirement benefit.  How could it feel to have lived an aristocratic life in a country you could no longer claim as your own, while thanking God every Friday night for the gift of this new life in a one bedroom apartment, where my grandmother did piecework for $.75?

Mom used to have nightmares.  She would yell out frantically in her sleep – perhaps we were more aware of them when dad was traveling on business, for there was no one there to reassure her that she was safe in Jackson Heights, Queens.  There is no doubt she lived through my sister and I (my sister more than me, for a myriad of reasons), a burden that was pretty heavy for children to shoulder.  Yet in retrospect, what kind of life did this woman have as a girl, when she experienced her first ‘introduction to womanhood’ in a bomb shelter, screaming for her mother because she was sure she had been hit?  How does one turn sixteen once in the States and ask for a party only to be severely chastised at such selfishness given the reality that six million had died?  How does one begin to live?  I think through my dad’s gift of play, and the experience of two American children who would never know that growing up could be truly, unimaginably horrible.  Mom, this happened to you?  This happened to Poppy?

At the core of Eliot Perlman’s new book “The Street Sweeper”, is the repeated plea that our stories – regardless of what they are – be remembered, that we be remembered.  Our immortality rests perhaps in the assurance that someone will carry our stories – the proof that we were here.  That holds true for all of us – yet on this day of remembrance I needed to bear witness.  I remember you everyday, your stories are woven into the tapestry of  my life and my heart cannot hold all of my love.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

“The Rhythm Of Life”

mimijk

In the musical “Sweet Charity”, there’s a song with a chorus that often repeats in my head (and occasionally out of my mouth) – “The rhythm of life has a powerful beat/Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet/Rhythm in the bedroom, rhythm in the street/Yes, the rhythm of life has a powerful beat”

I’m not tingling this morning, let along feeling the beat.  I think I’m working off of the kind of hum a light bulb makes before it burns out.  Ok, that’s a bit severe – I’m not tired of writing (how can I be when this site is barely four months old), or tired of consulting, or tired of being retired.  My rhythm is just off.  my sense of timing has been disturbed.  Ergo, no tingle.Image

We got back from four days in Puerto Rico last night.  On the flight home, I felt like we had been gone for weeks and began filling my head with my ‘to-dos’ and the ache behind my eyes began.  By the time the taxi pulled into our driveway my list had given birth to more lists and I could only isolate the top priorities – check in with the kids, grocery store run, trip to PetsMart for more dog food, piles of critical mail that must need immediate attention…my heart begins to accelerate and I haven’t even put the damn key in the door.

I was wrong on all counts – w-r-o-n-g.  The truth of the matter is that the half-and-half didn’t spoil, we have enough coffee, the fruit isn’t rotten (though we could use some bananas), no need to head to PetsMart for another week or more, more junk mail than real mail and lots of emails but none that make me groan with guilt for delaying my response.  So – four days is just four days.  This is just too much to wrap my head around.  How can it be that absolutely nothing critical happened?  All just went along as it should.  This is clearly a reality for someone smarter than me.

Take me out of my daily environment and I lose all sense of perspective – even when there’s no time difference between where I’ve been and where I’m going.  I become part of wherever I am, almost as if there was nothing that preceded it.  If ever this truth was underscored, it was made clear to me after a late evening boat trip (we’re talking small motor boat holding no more than eight people) out onto a bay in which bio-luminessence is evident in the blackness of night.  To get to the bay, this lone boat winded its way through a narrow lagoon with mangroves for walls and a roof over our head.  Through the lagoon there was no sky, no sense of being anywhere other perhaps the set of a Wes Craven movie.  Occasionally the Captain would shine a light on a large iguana balanced on a branch, indifferent to the intrusion; ribbons of translucent snakeskin left in aged, gnarled roots, as its owner slithered away at some point comfortable in a newer version of himself/herself; a lone bird sleeping peacefully with feathers that were startlingly white and orange and a beak so black one couldn’t discern its beginning or end (perhaps it was the Pinocchio of the lagoon and had a beak so long it was almost endless).  Once out on the bay, the water looked as if it was receiving stars as they fell from the sky.  The scientific explanation is that the plankton in this area light up when disturbed, the fish glow as they skip above the water.  This nexus of nature’s variables – the type of water, weather, fish, plankton, etc occurs in only four places in the world.  The romantic version is even better.  A wooden pole in the water left a shiny wake similar in its smoky silver color to that of a witch’s brew.  The only distinction between the sky and the water was the sound of the waves lapping against the boat.  And stars in the sky don’t jump with such enthusiasm.  My hand in the water took on this ethereal glow – so beautiful and shiny I never wanted to remove it for I was sure it held magic.  The seven others people sharing this experience were equally awed.  At first we all ‘oohed and ahhed’, occasionally we each would marvel aloud..and then quiet seemed more appropriate.  It was too magnificent to absorb with anything other than silence.

Captain Suarez and Mingo his assistant were characters out of a novel – maybe Hemingway, maybe not for they were gentle and reverent.  Their days-old beards covered the craggy lines that define a life on the water, aging hands that were ropier than those which moored the old boat at the end of the day’s work, broken English that shared their knowledge of astral navigation in a language we all could understand.  I asked Mingo why the traveled with little if any light even in the lagoon and he said that one who sailed was supposed to know where they were going by the stars – the light did more harm than good.Image

You can’t be a part of time like this and not feel with certainty that there is something way bigger than we are.  We disembarked with gracious silence.  What had we just seen?  How do we capture this in our memory?  is there any way to do such moments justice?  What day is it today?

I can’t say much else happened while we were gone.  Our most intrepid friend zip-lined gloriously in the rain forest, my husband golfed (that’s not new), he won more than he lost at the blackjack table.  We flew home – gone for not much longer than a long weekend and I’ve misplaced my rhythm.

I read your blogs last night and this morning perpetually shaking my head with wonder at the extraordinary talent of the people I follow (and some that I don’t), wondering how I will ever get back into the swing.  I know I will, for life calls regardless of where one may be, and we adjust accordingly.  But right now, I am slow to re-enter the music of my day-to-day life while the beat of the last four days still echoes faintly in my head.  That’s the beauty and the bane of going away and coming home…I answer to a powerful beat.

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mimijk

From the inspirational David Kanigan

Live & Learn's avatarLive & Learn

Inspiring.  Catchy thump, thump, thump rhythmic cadence.  Hypnotic.  Worthy 3 minute clip.  A few of my favorite excerpts.

“This is an invocation for anyone who hasn’t begun to start, who is stuck between 0 and 1”

“Let me think about the people I care about the most.  Like when they fail or disappoint me, I still love them, I still give them chances, and I still see the best in them.  Let me extend the same generosity to myself.

“If I catch myself wearing a tutu – 2FAT, 2LATE, 2OLD, let me shake it off like…”

“Let me be not so vain to think that I am the sole author of my victories and a victim of my defeats…”

“Let me remember that the unintended meaning that people project on to what I do is neither my fault or something I can take credit for.”

“Let me not think of…

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friendship, inspiration, life lessons

The Cake, Icing And The Whole Shmear

mimijk

Last night I had dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in a year.  How can peoples’ schedules conflict for that long and still upon seeing each other, retain a connection that is completely unscathed by absence?  I’m not entirely sure, but I confidently state that I love this friend as much today as I did the last time I saw her, worry for her happiness and celebrate her joys with the same intensity I have always felt.

This has been one of the gifts of this first year of my new adventure of which I’ve written before.  Yet the enormity of its implications and lessons somehow demand more attention and thought.  I have been a friend to many in my life, but have considered few friends.  The lessons learned in the unfortunate elementary school years  provided the introductions of being ‘in’ or ‘out’, and as one who was often ‘out’, it was devastating to me.  The peaks and valleys of adolescent insecurity screw with one’s identity enough to limit one’s friends to a select few who help you feel relatively okay when everything else around you screams to the contrary.  Throw in a couple of marriages which frequently relocated me, but more critically dislocated my sense of self completely.  It’s easy to trace my overall interest in others coupled with an ironic reluctance to divulge very much about myself.  If I cared about others, I would at least get by.  If I could make them laugh and sincerely attend to their struggles, much of my internal discomfort could be ignored and largely ameliorated.  Psychology and education were natural pursuits (after realizing that my only acceptance speech at the Tony awards would be given in the shower).

These boys o’ mine – lifelines to me at one point as much as I was to them – did more than anyone else to re-establish my sense of self-worth and belief that if such wonderful human beings could be brought into this world and be an integral part of mine, then there was a strong likelihood that there was more goodness in the world to be found – and felt in my little corner.  At some point, I remember just handing this loneliness over – one of the few lessons from Alanon which stayed with ne.  When unsure about what I’m doing or how I’m doing it – I hand it over.  Each time I have come out the better for ceding control.  But I digress…

So I write to you today, with a helluva journey behind me and much still ahead.  What I have grown to cherish fiercely is this small circle of friends that I have the honor of knowing today.  Such an amazing group – my ‘re-found’ best friend from elementary and jr. high school, the Capt,  my ‘second, singing sister’ to whom I remained attached at the hip through high school and college.  My phenomenal friends who were once professional colleagues – people with such talent, energy and commitment – and heart to spare.  My most recently discovered friend serendipitouslycame into my life while waiting to get a manicure of all things.  This is an intimate group – most of whom have never met each other – yet each is so essential to my life.  My sister – my oldest and deepest connection and my sister-in-law – my love for them is too big to define.

As I was driving home last night – so full of appreciation for this wonderful woman who just happens to also be my dear friend – I thought that the friendships we women have are proof enough in the wonder of tomorrow.  Anything can happen to enhance your life in the spaces in between – those moments when we’re not paying attention to that which we seek.  These gifts find you.  Our only responsibility is to recognize that they are there – and pay attention to what is being given to us.

Before we head off on vacation, I had to post this message.  A message of appreciation without question, and a message of wonder – for this world can hold more love than our arms can ever encircle.  The greatest disservice we can do ourselves and others is not to embrace it with arms wide open.

humor, life lessons, privacy

Totally Hacked Off

mimijk

Why you may wonder, would I title this post in such a passionate way?  Well dear reader, it’s an accurate description of more than my state of mind.  I’ve been hacked – my bank accounts, credit card – someone else has figured out all my automated protections and managed to get their undeserving hands on some of my money.  Despite three replacement credit cards, this mischievous little imp (that is so not what I’m thinking) has been showing his/her determination by continuing to try to withdraw some very impressive sums (once even before the card was activated).  The amounts themselves don’t reflect my history at all (which helps prove to the bank that this isn’t me – it’s the pseudo-psycho me who I’ve never met).  So all is now frozen, fraud alerts are placed on everything that even sounds like my name and I’m thinkin’ this is not what Mahalia Jackson meant when she sang “He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands”.

I really don’t like the idea that anyone can ‘hack’ into one’s personal or financial information.  I feel that being hacked needs to remain within the realm of the individual.  I should be able to choose whether or not I want to be hacked off.  So, not only has this person stolen my information, they have taken away my choice about when I want to feel hacked off.

You know, there’s enough going on in my little insulated world at the moment – for starters, there are a couple of disconcerting messages that my body keeps sending which medical science is still trying to interpret (sometimes I can be a little opaque), my continuous quest for world peace, an end to famine and the slowing of global warming.  Trying to spread a little good  karma takes some effort, you know?  Basically this is very distracting and really inconvenient whoever-you-are (I’m assuming you’ve hacked into my blog too – you must be the spammer that emails constantly with the uplifting message “Dear Webmaster, We note that searches for your site on Google are very low…..”).  There’s also a few days away starting Wednesday which I can’t even prepare for because my accounts are frozen (ok, I don’t really need anything, but that’s not the point).

Will I be bothered by this in five years?  I doubt it, and that’s usually my threshold for determining what will and will not totally piss me off.  But I am annoyed.  And I don’t like the feeling that someone can – without any sense of conscience – access my data without asking for my okay.  I mean, I’m a sucker for a good story – if this person told me the money was needed to help a starving family, I would have been an easy mark.  Did you really have to go and hack me off every which way from Sunday?  Well just remember buddy – if you’re not nice, karma can be a bitch – and I’m comforted by the fact that the truck is gonna roll up your driveway one of these days – and will you be hacked off.

discretion, humor, inspiration, life lessons, management, mindfulness, training

Damn You’re Good – Aren’t You?

mimijk

Well, yesterday was our second of five training sessions and I arrived home as energized and jazzed as I was last week.  I am totally smitten with the program attendees (in a purely professional way, of course).  I love their enthusiasm, candor, willingness to challenge me and question each other.  I am fueled by our shared laughter, engagement and commitment.  We’ve got some great mojo working and I’m with them every step of the way.  My hunch is that I’ll be with them even when our time together officially ends, for we are becoming invested in the relationships we’re building.

As I was driving home, some of our discussions replayed in my head (along with a series of Motown songs which had absolutely nothing to do with what I was thinking about).  I often say that we don’t realize how we are perceived by others – sometimes because we don’t want to know or don’t think it’s important to know.  Other times we don’t have an audience that is prepared to tell us.  So I’ll ask you – how good are you?  And at what?

Take the following test (and don’t feel compelled to share the answers – this is just between us)…

–  When was the last time you wrote a genuine, challenging goal – for yourself or in concert with one of your employees?  Do you really know how to write one?  I’m not talking about the over-used, over-touted SMART goal paradigm.  I’m talking about the one that comes from your gut and your imagination – reflective of the knowledge of where you’re heading, where your department should be going and what has to be done once you get there. (Hint – ‘scorch and burn’ is not a goal, though you get one point for using verbs that have some activity associated with them)

–  What are you doing to prepare your right-hand person for a promotion, how much have you increased his/her visibility to the powers-that-be?  What has that person done for their critical second?  Do you have a succession plan in your head and what does it look like?  If you’re going to re-organize, does your plan include a concrete intent to re-tool the resources you already have?

–  What have you learned from history that bears repeating?  What do you wish you had never attempted because it failed so miserably (you get serious points for taking the risk)?

–  Is your department terrific because it churns out work?  Is that your definition of ‘terrific’?  Does it also energize and re-energize itself, share accountability, reflect pride of ownership with strong cross-training opportunities?  What have you done to form a team as opposed to a group of people who just happen to work in the same area and for the most part, get along?

–  When was the last time you wrote a truly comprehensive, honest performance review which contained no surprises for the recipient – and shared it with the employee?  When was the last time you were able to get a straight, candid response from your people about how you’re doing?  Is that information important to you really?

You can ask yourself these questions with little modification within the context of your personal life as well.  What goals are you setting for yourself?  How do you want to ride this carousel – remember, you get only one ticket (unless you’re a cat, in which case rumor has it, you get nine).  What steps are you taking to focus on the little wonders that happen around us everyday?  I know, I know – this sounds trite and worthy of a good eye-rolling – but have you looked around lately?  Our magnolia blooms are resting their heads against the breeze; just the other day a hawk stood poised and still on the roof of our gazebo looking as if it was waiting to have its portrait painted.  My son wrapped me up in one of those mega-hugs that provide a transfusion of love that left me in tears (yes, I’m an easy cry – I’ve told you that already).  Two barn owls have returned for the season and fill the evening air with their hooting and I hoot right back (a ridiculous exercise, but I’m trying to relate on their terms).

I was looking at pictures of my mom and dad when they were young – wow, they were a gorgeous pair.  I miss them daily;  I ache to hear my dad call me ‘sweetheart’ or mom saying ‘hi schatzi’.  It’s more acute around the holidays, as I make the same meals that my mother did, served with some of the same tableware we had when I was a kid.  Am I making sure that I notice life??  Are you?  What am I doing to ensure that I live in gratitude and greater humility?  Did I laugh enough today?  What’s my plan to sustain my energy for this ride and could I do more to make sure I honor this time I’ve been given?  How often do I say “I love you” or “You made my day” – how often did I feel like I couldn’t care one way or the other?  What are your responses when you ask these questions of yourself?

So – how’d you do?  If you had the courage to pose the questions, you’re already ahead of the game.  If you have the conviction to re-visit the answers that you may like to change, you’re really good.  And the mere fact that you read this all the way through and maybe gave it a little thought – well, that makes you terrific in my eyes.  Happy Friday all and Happy Holidays to those who have traditions and beliefs that are honored this weekend.

humor, inspiration, life lessons, work life

Ode To The Indifferent

mimijk

I spend a lot of time writing about work, life, finding your rhythm and remaining engaged in the dance.  Well, I think I owe the under-achievers among us a sincere, heart-felt apology.  I mean, what if you don’t want to be regarded as an outstanding contributor?  What if you don’t want Tony Robbins to change your life (well, he doesn’t do much for me either, so let’s move on)?  What if you just want to get by, listen to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ over and over again, hide under the desk until everyone’s left the office and then sneak out?  What if you see mediocrity as the goal, and barely-getting-by as the preferred course of action?  How have I helped you???  I fear, not at all.

Well, that changes today.  Yes, this is a bit self-serving for I always hope to expand my readership.  Of greater importance though is the transference of information I have gleaned over the years which may help you in your quest to achieve nothing while still receiving a paycheck.  I believe in you – you can do this.  All it takes is a minimal amount of effort.  Try the following:

–  As often as possible, tell as many people as possible how busy you are.  There are surprisingly very few folks in the workplace who realize that if you are able to talk about how busy you are, you’re probably not – so this is a pretty safe bet.

–  Suck up to your boss.  It isn’t necessary that you know exactly why you think s/he is terrific; no need to comment about skills of which you know nothing.  Just make sure you give  him/her sufficient ‘atta boys’ and ‘I’m with you’ and ‘I swear, I don’t know how you do it’ to make them feel your investment (even if you and I both know that your investment is de minimus).

–  Learn how to toggle from Facebook or YouTube to your work screens with incredible alacrity.  If you really want to achieve nothing, this is a critical skill that is worth spending some time developing.

–  Always offer to help others in your department – and then graciously explain that you would if you could, but you’re under the gun and won’t be able to assist right now.  Assure your colleagues that you’ll be there for them next time.  If you do this often enough, ‘next time’ will take care of itself.

–  Don’t engage in any gossip about your company and/or your boss.  The idea is to draw as little attention to yourself as possible – this one is a no-brainer.

–  Dress appropriately – by that I mean lots of beige, grey, ‘greige’ – anything that can help you get lost in the background of the office.

–  In team meetings, you should occasionally yell out “I was just going to suggest that!” when someone comes up with an idea that is met with enthusiasm.  Don’t do this too often, for you could appear more interested in what is going on than you really are, and we all know where that can lead.

–  Show up.  I actually had an employee tell me that she deserved her paycheck just because she showed up every day.  If she happened to do any work, that was icing.  True, she didn’t last very long but that’s another story.  Try not to get the flu on Thursday nights or Sundays – it’s too obvious.

Ok my friends, this was just a beginning.  I’m hoping others can add to this list.  If you find inertia difficult – just keep trying.  You know what they say – ‘If at first you don’t succeed, you’re about average’.  Keep on not keeping on!!!

humor, life lessons

Some Things You Just Can’t Laugh About

mimijk

Yes my friends – there is little that can turn my smile upside down in the morning than waking up to find that we’re out of coffee.  I am no afficianado – I just know that I rally when I smell it brewing, I inhale more deeply when I pour my first cup and I can tell it’s going to be a good day when I get the ratio of half and half :coffee just right.  These are karmic messages to me that suggest the hours ahead are filled with limitless possibility.  Anything that deters me from this hopeful path sets my jaw on edge, my eyes turn into asp-like slits, and for all I know my tongue becomes forked as I begin to hiss.  As such, I consider it a favor to you that I am going to slither back to bed, and dream that when I wake up again, somehow the coffee canister will be full.

anxiety, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation, training

A Very Happy Anniversary Of Sorts

mimijk

On March 31st, I celebrated my first year of ‘retirement’.  I put the term in quotes, because I don’t know that the word ‘retired’ is applicable – if you scramble the letters around, I think you get to a more appropriate description of my state of mind – ‘tireder’ and/or ‘retried’.  I had grown more and more tired of trying to retain a culture and philosophy that in an evolving firm had become outdated and probably to some, pretty hokey.  I had tried too often to excite senior management about employee engagement, accountability, career development, and the joys of communicating in any manner that didn’t require technology.  At the risk of redundancy, I was so flippin’ lucky – I worked in a firm that embraced me and my crazy commitment until I realized that it was time for me to pack it in.  I wasn’t going to be able to contribute anymore – the train was pulling out of the station and I chose not to buy a ticket.

But – it’s still an anniversary.  I should get a  present or something (note to self – talk to husband).  It’s been a year of tremendous growth, with incredible highs coming from places I would never have expected and dark blues that I hadn’t anticipated which gripped some days with vice-like intensity.  I’ve learned that retirement doesn’t separate you from your convictions (I know, big duh if you’ve been reading my blog) – I still care as passionately about the principles I followed when I was working full-time.  I’ve learned that you are not going to be defined by what you did for a living but how you lived while you were working.  Over the course of this past year, I’m sure I have been vilified and canonized – perhaps even at the same time, remembered fondly and with derision – that is the territory of all who have experienced extended employment tenure.  And I’ve learned that it really doesn’t matter – what counts is my continued love and commitment to the people who have remained my friends.

I discovered that working independently is both freeing and lonely.  A side benefit of going to work each day is having people to engage with, who are also struggling with intense workloads and challenges as well as lives outside of work that they are struggling to stay connected to.  The transition from 200 emails in my inbox each morning that required me to accelerate from 0 to 60 pre-coffee, to coffee and the paper first with no rush to get out the door wasn’t easy (though I have come to LOVE it).  Connected to that intensity was the implicit need that others had for me in one way or shape or form, and I liked that.  Finding a new rhythm was a challenge – knowing I had a groove, but not knowing where the hell I was supposed to dance.  Consulting has provided an excellent segue for me – allowing me the freedom of self-exploration with the structure of developing meaningful programs and training opportunities.  It’s also given me time to hang with my kids who are local (when they’re not working or with their spouses), go to the gym, make some new friends, be a better friend to my old friends, and continue to fight with a bit more focus on a body that keeps throwing me medical surprises and loops for which I’m never prepared.  That old Faces song “Oh La La” reprises in my head “I wish that I knew what I know now/When I was younger”…

Finally I have learned that there are phenomenally talented, generous people out there in Bloggerland who teach me something new every time I read their posts, share a conversation online or exchange a ‘shout out’ in appreciation for their tremendous efforts.  These virtual friends evoke very real emotions within me – I celebrate their success, try to answer the questions they pose of their readers, laugh, etc.  Sometimes it feels like there’s lots of virtual hugging going on – and quite honestly, long may it continue.  These writers have inspired and humbled me.  When I started this in mid-January, I had no idea what I was doing.  I still don’t – but now it doesn’t bother me as much.  There are many more who have been more successful, but there are unquestionably few who have derived more delight and connection than me.  So, Happy-Sorta-Anniversary to me…may new adventures still greet me each day.  “Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive.  One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.” — Eleanor Roosevelt (and agreed to this day, by me :-)).

anxiety, humor, life lessons, mindfulness

I Was Only Kidding

mimijk

In the great big scheme of things, I’m not too surprised I didn’t win the lottery.  Recognizing that the odds weren’t really with me was the first clue.  The fact that I didn’t buy a ticket was the second.  I would have liked to have won though – and I don’t really believe anyone who says otherwise.  Come on – it immediately takes the term ‘winning’ away from Charlie Sheen, so right off the bat, it’s a good thing.

I think we kid ourselves a lot – and not always in a way intended to make us laugh.  The biggest fibs are not those we tell others, it’s the ones we tell ourselves.  The reasons are understandable – we don’t want to change something about our environment or ourselves, the risk of admitting the truth is too great – sort of like touching the house of cards upon which our ego strength rests.  Is it necessary to always be truthful to one’s self?  I think it’s a moot question, for I doubt that the most self-actualized person (Dalai Lama excluded) can lay claim to complete inner candor.  I do think though that as we face spring cleaning – of our yards, closets, garages, etc – we may want to do a little dusting off of some of the lines we’ve been repeating in our heads and see if we can’t box them up and put them away.  Here’s my top ten list so far – in no particular order…

1.  I’m my own worst critic (no I’m not – I only self-flagellate to the point where I feel some discomfort)

2.  It doesn’t matter

3.  I need those shoes

4.  I can handle it – whatever ‘it’ may be

5.  I’ll do it tomorrow

6.  I’m not good enough

7.  I’m too good

8.  It doesn’t bother me – rolls off my back like water off of a duck

9.  I don’t care

10. It’s just how I am

The corollary of course is that the flip side of such statements are undeniable truths.  The tricky part is figuring out where the two meet.  I’ll let you know when I figure that out – after all, spring cleaning typically takes more than a day if it is to be done well.  Who am I kidding?  I haven’t even started yet.