Category: motivation

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

Joy – Part II

mimijk

I met Leo Buscaglia twice when I was in grad school – he was just as you would imagine a person nicknamed “Dr. Love” to be.  He believed in the absolute power of touch and when he hugged you, not only did you feel it vibrate through your body, you would see the sheer delight on his face at having had the experience.  The experience of giving I would add, for certainly those of us who were not acolytes, were left a bit taken aback, amused and feeling good.  Hesitant to adopt any practice that we doctoral candidates (with the hubris that comes with thinking you’re too-too smart) felt may be too cult-like.  But there was unquestionably something to what the good doctor had to say as witnessed by his hypnotic lectures and laudable legacy.

So, I return to the Buscaglia quote I reblogged from Dr. Bill Wooten this morning….When assessing the life you have led, “[d]id you bring joy?” and “[d]id you find joy?”  I don’t think these are easy or trite questions.  We have known joy certainly – a love-filled relationship, the birth of a child, the delight in seeing a sunrise, the first bite of a ripe peach…But do we bring joy to another, to this life – or do we wait for joy to arrive?  That’s a different question, for it implies the one thing that we all struggle with – recognizing that those things which are most important don’t seem to be about what’s in it for us.  It isn’t all about us.  It’s about what we bring, give, share – for the sake of others, not because of what we seek in return or exchange.  The ‘tit-for-tat’ by which so many of our relationships can be defined.  Bringing joy then is a pretty selfless act.  And perhaps we are fortunate enough to see the result of our efforts, perhaps not.  Yet either way, the importance is in the doing.

And finding the joy?  Maybe it is a rhetorical question that is answered when we are conscious of what we bring into life.  The idea that if we bring joy, we will find joy – if in nothing other than our actions.  The joy in making people laugh, engage, love freely.  The delight in treading gently enough on this earth so that we may experience all of its wonders for as long as possible.  Maybe this is all obvious, maybe it is something that we know, but get lulled into the passive position of waiting for someone else to bring it anyway.  Somehow though I think that two simple questions can reawaken our awareness of each other and why we’re here.  And we can look to the universe to affirm that the joy we make, is equal to the joy we take (to paraphrase The Beatles).

friendship, humor, inspiration, mindfulness, motivation

Rewarding Reading

mimijk

Yes, Jenni@newsofthetimes@wordpress.com has honored me with The Booker Award – for which I am grateful.  The truth of the matter is any award that acknowledges that I live in my own world is very cool.  It’s ok though – they know me here.

I love Jenni’s blog because she suffers no fools, poses timely and provocative questions and engages her readers to think.  And she manages to do this with a very deft touch.  I’m not saying this to suck up – after all, I was one of the lucky ones who got this award – therefore, everything I’m saying is just accurate and objective.  Truly, check out her blog if you’ve not done so – it’s a great place to spend some time.

The other fun part of this particular award is that I’m to list my five all-time favorite books.  I can’t do that, though I have tried to winnow the field down.  So, the only way I can be compliant is to list five books that I love with the caveat that they are five of probably fifty that would be up there in the ‘amazing’ ether.

A Wrinkle In Time – Madeline Engle

To Kill A Mockingbird – Harper Lee

The Catcher In The Rye – J.D. Salinger

Breakfast At Tiffany’s – Truman Capote

The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis

Now I’m feeling guilty because of all the ones that I’m not listing..maybe this award is more difficult to accept than I thought.  Perhaps I can wax eloquent about this little world I live in…?  I didn’t think so.

Now to  pay this forward I nominate others who undoubtedly have favorites we may want to add to our cosmic library (for a library of outstanding books would surely be cosmic)..I’m tapping on the libraries of:

Amber@wordsbecomesuperfluous@wordpress.com

Bonnie@paperkeeper@wordpress.com

DrBillWooten.com

Andrea@thehandwrittenlife.wordpress.com

Renee@lifeintheboomerlane.wordpress.com

Lori@Donnaanddiablo@wordpress.com

Russ@Agratefulman.wordpress.com

Ivonprefontaine@wordpress.com

It’s your turn!

Oh one more thing – Rhoni my dear @HelpMeRhonda@wordpress.com…I think you still owe your loyal friends and followers a few more bits of information??

Have a great evening everyone..

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

The Half And Half In My Coffee

mimijk

I love coffee with half and half (for those of you outside the US – it’s half cream/half milk available in supermarkets everywhere around here).  My efforts ate healthy eating stops at the suggestion that this indulgence be sacrificed.  Can’t do it.  Won’t do it.  It makes my morning coffee more delicious in color and taste, allowing me to savor what one might call nectar from the gods.  Yes, I’m crazy about my morning coffee.  What does this have to do with you?

You’re my metaphorical half and half.  Seriously.  Taking baby steps to try to learn to write is something I am doing for me; the feedback and comments and conversations that we share engage, inform, inspire and amaze me.  And the generous praise I have received humbles me more than I can say.  I’m not that good – trust me.  You however, are phenomenal.  I received four awards over the past few days and for brevity and not a little self-consciousness, I’m going to acknowledge them in this post (and yes, despite my overall discomfort with accepting awards – I practiced my Oscar speech a hundred times when I was a kid…also my Grammy thank you..my Tony…my Emmy..).

Judy who writes raisingthecurtain.net is gifted with a delightful sense of humor and curiousity.  She is exploring all the aspects of her second act and sharing some observations about what to do once the curtain goes up.  If you have not visited her site, enjoy the show…Thank you so much Judy for three awards (talk about a bouquet of appreciation)  –


             And from adogwithfleas@wordpress.com, I was given the

                                                                    award.

A Dog With Fleas is where one goes to hear your own voice (but in better form).  Her writing reflects the challenges many experience daily – the dance of falling down and standing up taller, living with chronic medical issues, learning how to love one’s self and others, the mysteries and vagaries of the opposite sex, the indescribable feeling of a hearty laugh.  Scratch your itch at her site (get it, fleas?? Oh, I kill me  – you will be so glad you did.

Ok, quickly now – the requisite seven things about me (sigh, I find this part difficult)…

1. I think I’m far more graceful than I am.  Witness the ten stitches in one leg and an infected gash in the other and the gross bandages that cover both.  I limp into the gym and everyone cuts me a wide berth (no pun intended).  Suffice it to say – don’t leave metal step-up boxes within tripping distance of me.  Actually, just cut me a wide berth on general principle.

2. I have always been and continue to be a cheap date (though Andy would insist that ultimately there’s a price to be paid which is probably true).

3. I read between two and three books a week.

4. My iPod selection would embarrass or impress my kids, my in-laws, my friends and The Buena Vista Social Club.  Let’s just say that ‘eclectic’ doesn’t cover it.

5. My first crush that wasn’t an animal (the first being Gold Nugget – a palomino – I loved her) was Harry Belafonte.  I thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and would make my dad put his album on the stereo over and over (and over) again.  “She had one eye on the pot and the other on the chimney” – a lyric which makes me smile still.

6. I’m actually pretty boring – it’s everything around me that’s interesting.

7. For reasons that I do not know I’m a very good mimic.

Now for the fun stuff – who should be the next bearers of these awards?  I am trying very hard to make sure that I’m not repeating myself, so to those I have already mentioned – I still think you’re magical.  To these new bloggers I follow – I am so glad we have ‘met’ –

Paperkeeper@wordpress.com

Keiththegreen@wordpress.com

SusanLDanielseden@wordpress.com

Onthehomefrontandbeyond@wordpress.com

wordsbecomesuperfluous.com

sbkandassociates.com

johnrchildress.com

Thank you again for enjoying the blog, sharing your thoughts with me, and embracing me in this community of talent and heart and inspiration.

discretion, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

I’m Not Knocking Pigeons, But…

mimijk

 
(picture courtesy of The Story People)

 

I have said that there are days when you’re the statue and days when you’re the pigeon (well, someone else said it first really).  And then there are days when the pigeons are just taking this adage way too literally and the universe is taking this way too figuratively.

 

I left for the gym this morning and no sooner had I backed out of the garage, my windshield was graced with avian poo.  Ok, I can be happy with the knowledge that this bird’s digestive system appears to be in working order and that my windshield washer fluid levels were high.  Dawn was breaking, NPR ‘s morning report was on and the air was clear.  Not two minutes later – I am gifted yet again with another token from the bird community.  I look up – nothing there.  I am not amused.  No matter – washer  fluid works, wipers wipe – all is right with the world.  Let’s cut to the chase – there were three more presents waiting for me when I left the gym.  Really?  Is there a sign on my car that is legible only to winged creatures that says “Restroom”?  I’m not gonna lie – this was a bit irritating.  And worse, not one of these visitors was around to own their disregard for my little white car that had just been washed two days earlier.  Well fine, I can take a joke and as long as nothing had dropped directly on my head, I guess it was just my turn.

 

And I guess that’s my point – sometimes it’s just our turn.  It doesn’t mean we’ve done anything wrong nor does it mean that this is divine retribution for some error along the way.  I can’t take karma to the point where each of us is responsible for all the good and bad things that happen in our life.  I don’t subscribe to the view that we are in a perpetual state of uncertainty, fearing that the universe is going to teach us lessons of such profound pain and awfulness.  I do believe that what you give out into the world can come back to you in manifold ways if you keep your heart and eyes open.  I also believe that some days just, well, suck.  I don’t blame karma for that.  I call that life.  I don’t consider it karma that I’ve got some physical stuff that I deal with that occasionally kicks me to the curb – I consider that my roll in the barrel.  And given that we all get a roll in the barrel, I’ll take mine thank you very much.  And I can hope that yours is manageable and short-lived.

 

So anyway, I hope today you’re the pigeon, or goose, or hawk or whatever you choose to be that flies high.  But please, when nature calls, be careful where you aim.

 

Birds in a row
Birds in a row (Photo credit: The Wren Design)

 

humor, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

You Want To Talk Leadership? Talk To The Hand.

mimijk

I realize that I’m opening Pandora’s box here and as such as I write this not without a some anxiety.  But I’m so vexed by and tired of the iterative articles about leadership, management, developing a vision and motivating people who I’m going to take the risk.

Stop reading these books.  Stop looking for a blueprint that is going to provide you with the path towards the outstanding development of people.  And definitely move away from any books which offer you ‘ten steps’ to a better anything.  Ok, here’s the one caveat to this whole mini-rant – if you find all of  this redundancy interesting, have at it.  Just don’t expect it to add to your tool kit, complement your style and/or turn you into an outstanding leader. And you know what?  There’s really nothing all that new under the ‘how to’ sun.

 

“Hypocrite”, you say – and you’re right.  I offer consulting services about these very topics.  I speak to groups about leadership and team engagement (though I admit that I am not your run-of-the-mill consultant and build programs that are hardly boiler-plate and mildly irreverent).   I’ve read more books than Doan’s has back pills.  And I come away with a different perspective.  If you want to be a great leader of people, learn about yourself  and the people around you first.  Do the obvious – build trust – be consistent, do what you say you’re going to do, engage people in dialogue, watch what they’re doing every day and ask for input.  Provide feedback – informal, formal – whichever,  as long as it’s consistent and regular.  No excuses – find the time.  Give people work that is going to help them expand their minds and their abilities.  Trust that they will do it well and if they struggle,  jump into the gosh darn fray and help them figure it out!  Credit the efforts of others and learn to be generous.  Set the bar high and make sure you’re hitting regularly and owning it when you miss.  Share information – often.  Problem solve out loud and encourage your team to understand how you think.  Not that much is confidential and the more you consider too ‘sensitive’ for others, the narrower the views you offer of the organization’s direction, which further compromises peoples’ understanding and ownership of their jobs.  Get over yourself and get into your people.  Reward accountability with more substantive responsibility.  Praise in a way that matters to the person.  Counsel in private.

And – if you’re going to be in charge of a department, a company, a branch office, etc, find yourself a leader you admire in your organization and ask them to actively mentor you.  Tell them you want him/her to call you on your mistakes, help you exceed the basic criteria and guide you in the nuance and delicacy of effective communication.  Role-play tough conversations; have someone read your draft performance reviews to make sure they’re substantive and meaningful.  And if you want to read a book – do so!!  Read biographies of the outstanding leaders in history (preferable those written by great writers so you don’t nod off), read poetry and essays about the human condition.  Read articles from futurists and pragmatists.  Read humor – it keeps us humble.  Expand your world view.  It’s bigger than your organization.  Practice being true to yourself and those around you.  Fall down.  Get up.  Ask for a hand.

 

To me these are the real lessons.

And the real lesson is for the C-level folks who are putting people into managerial positions and giving them how-to seminars to attend or provide in-house training and consider their jobs well done by doing so.  You’re not going to groom anyone for anything that way.  I left the firm as the culture I adored began to erode.  Whatever it now is, it is not something  for which I would evangelize.  Word is that there are vestiges of its value system, but time is moving the organization forward into a bureaucratic behemoth that is sacrificing much of its identity for newer, slicker and more expedient.  Times change, companies do what they need to do.  So it goes.  But what doesn’t change is the need for outstanding leadership and we have got to stop thinking that a ‘how to’ book or a lecture is the ultimate answer.  Get busy with the practice and doing and trying.  Organizations need to make effective mentorship a yearly objective for which executives will be reviewed and compensated.  That’s how you deepen the bench.  That’s how you strengthen your team.  You won’t find it on page 128.

anxiety, discretion, humor, inspiration, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation

Good Morning Monday

mimijk

“[T0day] is a new day.  You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.” — Emerson

By Sunday night, the glow of the weekend begins to fade and the anticipation of another week begins.  Stomachs get tight, hands begin to rub temples and the list of all that needs to be done begins to grow into an unwieldy paper dragon flying around in your head wreaking all sorts of havoc on those synapses which had fired so calmly for two days.

 

I admit, I obsess – more often than not about the things I ‘should’ be doing with little regard for anything that I already did.  It doesn’t make for many internal feel-goods, I must say.  More importantly though I make myself crazy (with a nod to the reality that I’m already a garden-variety nut).  When I was working full-time this was just an accepted form of doing business.  Everyone had lists that seemed to procreate at night, so the next morning there were even more items than when you left.  A year later, I’m still a work-in-progress.  Learning to align what is important to me  with that which really has to happen is a tough assignment.  And it’s one we all have to assimilate at one point or another or we’re denying ourselves the one thing we know we have – right now.  Now, don’t dismiss me with the thought that I have no idea what’s on your plate, the pressure you’re under, how hard you have to drive yourself.  Not true – I do know.  I also know that you are far more important than anything you’ve got going on today.  And if you don’t at least try to take a bit of care of yourself today, at some point you won’t need to consider tomorrow.

So if you’d be so kind as to put one thing on your list this morning – and place it first.  YOU.  Find a little space today for you.  Close your office door for ten minutes (if you have a door).  Stay off of email for a few minutes and stretch your legs.  Let the call go to voice mail.  Not for so long that you begin to sweat and itch.  Just long enough to let your body catch up with your mind.  Long enough to close your eyes and smile with the delight that for ten little minutes you were unencumbered.

Happy Monday everybody..

discretion, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Thoughtful Thursday

mimijk

Oh Al I swear, you’re a genius!  Even before ‘multi-tasking’ became part of the social lexicon, you were decrying its effectiveness.  Good on you big guy, and lucky for the woman you were kissing in the car.  Better to pull over and focus.  A taboo idea I know – doing one thing at a time and getting it right.

When I was at the firm, he who juggled the most balls in the air without dropping any, won.  Yes, there were migraines, emotional short-circuits, missed anniversaries and birthdays – but man, could people juggle conference calls, client meetings, intra-office drama, toggling between dual monitors in their offices while checking Blackberries and texting on their iPhones.  Conversations – if that is what one chooses to call them – were stolen in the Starbucks line, or in fifteen minute intervals, or checked in a box.

You’re right – balls got dropped.  Perhaps not the ones that determine the size of a year-end bonus, and most assuredly not those that would compromise the zealous representation of one’s clients.

I spent a lot of time with people who had dropped the other stuff along the way – without thinking that the ramifications would be so profound.  The parent who routinely watched her daughter play in a sports tournament while emailing on her iPad and chairing a conference call and genuinely fretting because she and her child weren’t close; the husband who couldn’t reconcile the wonderful woman he had married with the raging, angry alcoholic she had become – for she had never shown any signs.  The affair that grew over time because neither person was ever home long enough for intimacy and friendship to grow roots there – though they insisted they tried.  They didn’t intend for this to happen.  The thrown blood clot that resulted from excessive time on planes and trains.  The pseudo-friendships that ended up defining one’s inner circle because there was no time to cultivate genuine loving relationships, and the resulting  isolation and loneliness that prompted yet another script for antidepressants.  The young associate who wept in my office upon discovering that this brass ring for which she had sacrificed much was not what she thought it would be and didn’t want to ride the carousel anymore – but for the enormous debt, mortgage and car payments.

No signs?  Really?

I didn’t judge it then, I’m not judging it now.  I do find the sincere disbelief…well, surprising.  We all struggle to do the right thing in the face of competing demands and increasing competition.  But what do you want to win?  And who are you kidding if you think that everything you are juggling has equal weight and heft, allowing you to balance it all equally?  The reality is that those weights change and morph according to time and circumstance.  Sacrifices will be made and balls will drop – that’s the reality.  There is also this inalienable truth – you have to decide what to focus on, what values you will only compromise so much and how to give the people you love the best of who you are.  Maybe you should focus on that kiss.

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

Stand By Me

mimijk

There has been some activity about a YouTube video that was recently posted showing the murder of a Mideastern woman named Najibia.  I haven’t seen the clip – my cowardice and horror renders me incapable of watching it.  That said, I have been told that it reveals members of the Taliban cheering and supporting her husband as he repeatedly shot her in the back of the head.  His reason?  Her ‘crime’?  There are no reasons one can conceive of;  there was no crime, for there was no mention of a trial.  To carry my sorrow one step farther, this murder was committed in the name of a religion.  It’s important to note up front that this isn’t a diatribe about the Taliban, one specific culture, etc.  It is about the reiterative chorus in the face of unspeakable acts as justifiable by religious belief.

I’m not sufficiently well-versed to write about religion.  My spiritual view is both simplistic and I’m sure there are those who feel I am wrong.  I know of no religion that isn’t predicated on love, grace and humanity.  I am not suggesting that there isn’t significant brutality in religious and global history – though each example underscores a lesson that we were intended to learn and can’t seem to permanently absorb.  We keep repeating ourselves.  Whether acts of cruelty are defined as acceptable by gender, sect, interpretation – we watch as people continue to be brutally killed, forced to act against their will, hearts mutilated by memories.

I don’t have answers – I can feel inadequate in my corner of the world, consciously ensuring that I walk gently on this earth and embrace love as a spiritual expectation that I honor.  And I know it isn’t enough.  I have to consider ways to do more.  And I have to remember that without hope, there’d be no miracle of another sunrise and another opportunity.

You may remember this video as part of a documentary “Playing For Change – Peace Through Music”.  It lifts us up to look in the mirror and see the best reflection of ourselves, it underscores that we are all composing this song as we go along.  And though we may not read from the same notes, love is as universal as ignorance.  And there perhaps is where God resides – in the longings of our heart.

discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

Love The Fool

mimijk

A lesson for today – at least for me.  I am guilty certainly of being foolish, feeling more than is good for me (sometimes I see the world only in primary colors, which can give you a migraine after a while), suffering my losses and not acknowledging my wins.  There are days when I cry over  nothing, my emotional strength sapped and my ability to get out of my way completely ineffective.

Conversely, when I am wrapped in joy – as one would be a really fabulous terry cloth robe – I don’t think about it as something to cherish, to protect or celebrate.  I delight in the moment, and do little to protect it from the harsher judgments that may later follow.  My friend Lori calls it the little green monster that jumps up and down on her shoulder, whispering the words of self-doubt and harsh judgments that can force us into a box we don’t want to enter.  I love her visual – and imagine that mine is more like a hyperactive Captain Hook (parrot included).  Regardless – they do the same damage – not just to your shoulder, but to your psyche.

What saves us from ourselves?  The delicious reality that we are – all of us – silly, frightened, impulsive sometimes and thoughtful other times, heroic in our hopes and dreams and timid when taking our first steps in a new direction.  We break – our exteriors not necessarily reflecting all the cracks that we have re-glued and secured with sufficient emotional scar tissue.

As I have written about protecting the child within us, so too must we tip our hat to the wondrous fool that should not be silenced, or diminished or devalued by our ever-present voice of  ‘should have, didn’t, and can’t’.  Would we react to our days differently if we cherished the fool with the same reverence with which we listen to our Capt. Hook?  If we remembered that both sides of who we are are of equal value and worth?

friendship, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

Thankful Thursday Thoughts

mimijk

 Today may very well be the day when you choose to open your eyes to one new experience, thought,  and/or moment in time, that you previously  hesitated to see.  Today you may break free from the ties that have bound your senses and enhance your life a gazillion-fold just by untying those figurative binds that have precluded you from reaching, daring, touching another soul in need.  That’s what makes today so magical – anything can happen.  And I hope you let it happen.  And then I hope you tell me what your day brought you in return.