Category: love

anxiety, friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Sometimes History Bears Repeating

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I drove back from the camp reunion yesterday.  That sounds so silly – a camp reunion.  The last time I had been there was oh, 38 years ago plus or minus.  I’ll cut to the end in case you need to know the ending first – I had a far, far better time than my anxieties suggested I would.

The hills seemed steeper, the bunk beds lower.  The stage I sang on – waaaay smaller.  I was recognized and remembered by people who I was sure considered me totally inconsequential.  I had the chance to see women-who-were-once-girls – my girls, and I hugged them with almost the same proprietary sense of love that I felt for them when they thought I was tall (at a whopping 4’11”) and they were indeed quite small.  I was astounded by some people who spoke of the difference I made while I was there – for such comments came from people who I was sure barely knew I existed.

In some ways so much was the same, and in other ways history was rewritten with a gentle hand.  The delicate balance between the teen-aged me and the adult me remained carefully calibrated to prevent any old hurts from reappearing.  And yet, I discovered that such protection wasn’t necessary, for that which I remembered had been softened and altered by others’ oral histories.   Time has been generous with people’s memories of me and permits me to think far more kindly of those summers when I was sure that I had one foot perpetually outside the ‘cool’ circle.  I did – and now it is okay – then, it was torture.

The girls?  The girls are still all incredible.  A writer (who along with her partner suffered my ambivalence with such kindness – and a little wine –  over the weekend), a talent agent and producer, moms, doctors, teachers,  non-profit volunteers.  Most happily married, some perhaps not; some  struggling with health challenges, others with tales of survival.  We spoke of our own kids, ranging in age from pre-teen to adult.  The guys?  Warm, funny, far more expansive as grown ups (and I’m not talking waist size) – and they’ve learned how to hug with heart.

It’s a funny kind of withdrawal one has when driving away with adolescence so clearly visible in the rear view mirror.  I cried as I waved goodbye, confident that with my high level of immaturity, I would see that girl again soon.  But the others who crowded my heart as I left?  Who knows what surprises life holds?  It is true though – they have never left my heart.

 

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love

You Are What You Feel – And I Feel Really Good…

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..right now.  Doesn’t mean I always feel good, but in this moment, I am happy, thankful, giggly and humbled.  And I’m lucky or blessed – or both.  I am the recipient of another award – and this really feels like an embarrassment of riches.

A word though about the person who acknowledged me in this wonderful way.

I received the Reader Appreciation Award from supertucksmama.  I read her blog as often as she posts.  She wrote that my blog “..keeps [her] spirits lifted.  Daily.  Promise.”  The irony is that she so inspires me.  Her heart reveals itself in her words, she offers up the beauty and the frustrations of motherhood;  her challenges in raising a super hero are palpable, her commitment to educating her readership about autism unparalleled and she embraces it all with the passion that only Super Tuck’s mama could have.  I am the better for being allowed to share in a small part of her life, her generosity, humor and spirit.  Nope, we’ve never met, yet she is arguably one of those incredibly special people that enter your life in a serendipitous way.  My thanks to her are huge, and she is deserving of those thanks many times over.  Please check out her blog when you get a moment.  You’ll be the better for it.  Promise.

I will answer the questions that are attached to receiving this award and nominate others in my next post.  Today though I just wanted to say thank you and spend a moment sending a big hug to Tuck’s mom.

anxiety, friendship, humor, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, love, management, mindfulness, motivation

What’s Love Got To Do With It? Probably Everything

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I don’t think anyone gets to hit their thirties without carrying some baggage.  The twenties are a period where we practice at adulthood, and when we screw up (as we are all wont to do), we have the most reasonable explanation in the world – “I’ve never been an adult before, this whole on-your-own thing is new to me.”   Basically the twenties are life’s Mulligan (no I don’t play golf, but my husband does and I love the idea that someone can get a do-over  just by asking for it).

The blessing and curse of growing up is the amount of luggage you need to carry.  The smaller suitcase from childhood holds irrational insecurities, the first glimpses of the unfairness of life and the undergarments of self-doubt (has to be underwear, cause it’s light and carrying something too heavy is very tough on a child’s back).  The valise packed to capacity with the hurts of adolescence, the pain of unrequited love and the romance of love that involves back seats (unless you’re from NYC – no back seats available because no one drives), passed notes in class and hallways, whispers and every love song written with your love in mind and promises that typically get broken.  The passionate belief that you know who you are and the equally jarring awareness that you have no idea what-the-hell-you’re-talking-about.  By the time we enter our late teens and early twenties, we’re probably carrying at least one  suitcase, a couple of carry-ons and a backpack.  And that’s presuming that life hasn’t over-burdened us.  I won’t belabor the decades that follow, for each brings another piece of luggage with a personalized I.D. tag.  I’m not even sure if we get a pair of wheelies.

At the end of the day, we’re all juggling an awful lot of baggage.  Whether you are a life partner, friend, or a supervisor of other people – recognize this fact.  I have had the unparalleled joy of working with bosses who picked up a suitcase for me on occasion, so that I could bust through a challenge that I was struggling to successfully meet.  I have been the supervisor who happily let my colleagues know where they could store their luggage so that they had freedom of movement and a chance to feel lighter.  Sometimes they never came back to claim their stuff – and that was just fine with me.  I have also had bosses who  intentionally opened my baggage to see if they could add to its weight (I’ve since bought some luggage locks) – or gave me one more piece to hold.

So from where I sit this morning (in the kitchen at the round table, btw) after a tough night with little sleep and the vulnerability that comes from feeling a little too uncomfortable, I think how lucky I am that my husband helps with my luggage.  How much I try to help him lighten his load.  There is a point in all of our lives when we realize that we’re holding on to more than we need to – and if you have people around who can help you unpack a little, sort through the worn out stuff that no longer fits and discard that with historic expiration dates – offer up a thank you and just think how much lighter you feel.  Happy Wednesday my friends – smile.

friendship, humor, life lessons, love

A Royal Revelation

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It’s been a stunning morning – literally.  I was watching the coverage of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, and suddenly it hit me.  Bear with me now…I think I am royalty.

I know – it shocked me too.  But frankly, there have been many subtle, and not-so-subtle clues about my true lineage, that when considered in their totality seem to reinforce this belief.  I began to give this more thought in the shower, and as slowly as the shampoo meandered down the drain, certain memories crept to the fore of my increasingly clean head.  Consider the following:

1.  My sister used to tell me I was adopted.

2.  After hearing the story of “The Princess And The Pea”, she put a Wiffle golf ball under my mattress, and…wait for it…I had a bruise the next morning!

3.  My first wedding occurred when I was eight years old.  It was pre-arranged as are many royal weddings, undoubtedly a marriage more of bungalows and favorable real estate in the Catskills, than affection.  That said, Stevie Kurstein was very cute, never hurled spit balls at me and I think we made a lovely couple.  My sister officiated and as I recall all the local glitterati were in attendance.  I wore a tiara  (it’s getting clearer to you now too, isn’t it?), a faux mink stole, bermuda shorts and patent leather Mary Janes.  I remember not being able to find my Cinderella-like clear slippers (which are now a  fashion ‘do’ if you like to dance on the pole, if you know what I mean), so the patent leather had to do.  The reception at the Dairy Barn was nothing short of the event of the summer.  Sometime later the marriage was nullified, though the details are somewhat hazy to me.

4.  Good manners were essential in our house.  How to speak to grown-ups appropriately – mandatory; how to set the table correctly for a multiple-course meal – compulsory.  We were expected to be gracious and arguably were held to a stricter standard than most of our friends.  Even dad occasionally lifted his pinky when drinking coffee.  In retrospect, this was probably part of their subtle efforts to groom me for my inevitable future.  Mom would even ask, “Is this the way you would eat if you were dining with the Queen?”  I mean – could it be more obvious??  I needed to be prepared for my coronation and the festivity to follow, confident that I wouldn’t slurp my soup or hit the tines of my fork against my teeth.  She didn’t want me to embarrass myself.  Sigh…had I only known.

5.  I was taught to sit both English and Western saddles (presumably the latter in case I was asked to go riding with an American politician or celebrity – or both).  True, I never developed an appreciation for the hunt, but I do love dogs and I definitely can put together a beautiful pre-hunt spread.

6.  Our family history meets the criteria of questionable characters and mischief-making.  Unrequited childhood crushes on cousins, marriages, divorces, too much flirting amongst the adults for my sister and I to fully understand (though we knew it was salacious – well, we didn’t use that adjective necessarily, but we knew enough to put a glass up against the wall to try and listen to what was going on), days and nights of reckless abandon (actually that was my entire first two years of college…).  There were some annus horribilus (or is it ‘horribili’)  for us as well – all part of the mantle one wears I suppose.  There were even odes written to my loveliness (ok, that’s not true, they were more like “There once was a girl from Jackson Heights…”).

7.  My mom used to tell me that she never imagined me to be the type to work as hard as I did.  Rather, she pictured me “sitting by a pool, eating bon bons”.  You might take this to mean that she viewed me as a non-contributing sloth, but I think she was trying to tell me that I was supposed to answer to a different calling.

8.  My sons are princes among men.  Brilliant, handsome, charming – who as teenagers also knew how to party with regal flair and flourish.

9.  As a child, I used to tie a blanket around my neck and pretend it was my ermine cape; my baton was my scepter.  I still have the scepter – two actually.  They’re made of titanium and are strategically placed on either side of my spine.  I don’t have any ermine, but my mom’s mink coat hangs in our closet.

10. I love a good handbag, and my nieces used to ask if they would inherit my jewelry when I died.

11. My home is my castle.  True, I define ‘castle’ quite loosely.

12. My virtues are more symbolic than actual.

Ok, there you have it…my mind is just reeling trying to absorb all of this.  I realize the likelihood of my assumption to royal status is a flight of fancy.  I am destined to remain anonymous and one of the people.  Alas, I will take pride in being a mini-matriarch of all that I survey and love.  I am now going to hold my freshly washed head high and drive to the supermarket.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

A Week Of Surprises

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Well this is has been quite a week – two awards – really??  Perhaps a more seasoned, sophisticated blogger would accept such accolades with greater serenity and a whole helluva lot more cool, but I lay no claim to sophistication nor experience.  And I have serious doubts about my ‘coolness’ quotient too.  So, I can respond with an enthusiastic thank you and gratitude.  I’m truly surprised and really pleased.  I’m not sure which tickles me more – being a recipient of such generosity or being able to introduce some of the wonderful talent that I take pleasure in visiting on a regular basis.

According to the rules of the award, I first and foremost want to thank newsofthetimes.wordpress.com for this award.  This is a terrific site to objectively discuss timely issues and share perspectives on subjects that are both far-reaching and compelling.  I’m always surprised by what the topic du jour is going to be – and am really impressed with the creativity reflected on this site.  Thank you again – and keep on writing!!

Next, I am supposed to recommend fifteen bloggers who I feel are deserving of this award.  This is a little tricky – for I have nominated some in the past who arguably don’t need one more award – they’re that good.  And yet, their names may appear again for their blogs are a constant source of delight, creativity and/or food for thought.  So here goes – I hope you can link to all of them.

Lead.Learn.Live.wordpress.com – David Kanigan is in a class by himself (and I mean that in the best possible way).  His posts have incredible breadth, heart and inspiration.  There are a host of things for which I could thank David – including the occasional ‘atta girl’ – this seems to be as good a way as any to express my appreciation for his talent and support to this novice.

The Grand Master/Little Master Series.com – I love the questions that are posed on this site, as the author strives to write books for parents and children which support strong values, confidence and compassion.

Help Me Rhonda. com – If you’ve never ‘met’ Rhonda – you’re missing a gift.  Funny, pensive, engaging and real – we have become cyber-friends of similar minds and sleep patterns!  Her writing never ceases to delight.

Girl On The Contrary.com – I’m laughing as I write this.  Her ability to find humor in the mundane, laugh-out-loud indignation at the little insults life can throw one’s way AND her excellent book recommendation make me forever in her debt.

Simon Marsh.com – Simon is a parish priest for an Anglican church in the north of England.  His observations of life, and the incredible generosity of his spirit always provides a peaceful respite, a place to visit where life’s complexities seem surprisingly simple.

Not Quite Old.com – Although none of us are getting younger, this blog and the adorable illustrations that accompany each post certainly gives one the impetus to make peace with gravity and maintain one’s humor.

Where’s My T-Backandotherstories.com – There is so much to this site – posts about the insults of illness and the aging, magnificent photographs from all over the world.  The delicate mixture of beauty and sorrow makes this site one I return to often.

Todd’s Perspective.com – You never know what Todd is going to post, for he scours the Internet for cogent articles, pictures, quotes that are as eclectic and different as one moment can be from the next.

Practical Practice Management – Tina offers up terrific posts about work life and management.  She can be provocative and thoughtful – and I appreciate that she is willing to tackle any number of sensitive issues.

supertucksmama.com and the book of alice  – Two blogs about two remarkable little children and their even more remarkable moms.  I just love checking into their worlds and see what’s new – for something always is!

I’ve just started reading these blogs and think you will enjoy them as much as I do – lifeintheboomerlane.com; magnolia beginnings.com; blessedwithastaronherforehead.com and tracie louise photography. com.  Whew – ok, I think I’ve met the second criteria!

Finally, I’m supposed to tell you seven things about me…hmmm..

1.  My profession has demanded that I be ‘out there’ yet at core, I’m a very insular person.

2.  My name is pronounced with a ‘short i’ in the first syllable, but down here in Northern Virginia, everyone calls me “MeeMee” (which would make my mother turn over in her grave).  That said, as a kid everyone called me “Mini” cause I was so short – sigh…

3.  I used to sing under the elevated subway in Queens where I grew up.  I’d try to hold a note for as long as it took for the train to pass.

4.  I am humbled by the people who have ‘found’ me over the course of the past year.  As I closed the door to working at the firm, and the concomitant loss of identity began to descend, another door really did open and it was one replete with love and some of the most amazing people I have ever known.

5.  I still cry when my kids leave to go to their homes – and the two married sons live only 15 minutes away.  Thankfully they still humor me and let me take them out on ‘dates’ like we did when they were little.

6.  My husband and I met by being set up on a blind date orchestrated by our two nieces when they were four years old and their moms (who were a little older).

7.  I am truly as corny as you imagine me to be.

Well, that does it for me today.  Thank you again – I am so thrilled to be part of this amazing group of people who create their unique magic out in the ether!

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

“How To Be Perfect”

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English: Logo of NPR News.
English: Logo of NPR News. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wednesday morning, driving to the gym and listening to NPR.  At that hour of the morning, Garrison Keillor presents ‘The Writer’s Almanac‘ providing interesting factoids about authors that would ensure victory in a game of Trivial Pursuit, if only I would remember them.  He then reads from the ‘Poet’s Corner‘ – and I literally had to pull over to listen to his gentle voice intone excerpts from Ron Padgett‘s poem “How To Be Perfect”.  Given my post yesterday, the juxtaposition was almost eerie and definitely surprising in the best of all possible ways.  I wanted to share it with you, for in keeping with the belief that we could be a bit kinder to ourselves in many areas and more honest with ourselves in others – there is no one who can communicate this like Ron Padgett.

Excerpts from “How To Be Perfect”

Get some sleep.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly.  It will help make you happy.

Hope for everything.  Expect nothing.

 

Take care of things close to home first.  Straighten your room

before you save the world.  Then save the world.

Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

 

Don’t stay angry about anything, for more than a week, but don’t

forget what made you angry.  Hold you anger at arm’s length

and look at it. as if it were a glass ball.  Then add it to your glass

ball collection.

 

Wear comfortable shoes.

Do not spend too much time with large groups of people.

Plan your day so you never have to rush.

 

Show your appreciation to people who do things for you, even if

you have paid them, even if they do favors you don’t want.

 

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Don’t expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Don’t be too self-critical or too self-congratulatory.

Don’t think progress exists.  It doesn’t.
Imagine what you would like to see happen, and then don’t do

anything to make it impossible.

Forgive your country every once in a while.  If that is not

possible, go to another one.

 

If you feel tired, rest.

Don’t be depressed about growing older.  It will make you feel

even older.  Which is depressing.

Do one thing at a time.

 

If you burn your finger, put ice on it immediately.  If you bang

your finger with a hammer, hold your hand in the air for 20

minutes.  You will be surprised by the curative powers of ice and

gravity.

 

Do not inhale smoke.

Take a deep breath.

Do not smart off to a policeman.

Be good.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot.  It’s a waste of time.

Drink plenty of water.  When asked what you would like to

drink, say, “Water, please.”

 

Take out the trash.

Love life.

Use exact change.

When there’s shooting in the street, don’t go near the window.

 

Lots to think about, lots more to smile about.  Please let me know if this struck you as wonderfully as it affected me.  Here’s to a fun-filled, thoughtful Thursday!

 

humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, parenting

So Lucky Saturday

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I don’t think I have more fun than hanging with my kids.  Last night two of the three plus daughters-in-law were here for dinner, celebrating a birthday and anniversary (not mine).  Easing into the weekend with a lot of laughter,  some serous sidebars and multiple chances to wrap  my arms around these amazing people who I love with all that I have and then some.

Adult children don’t necessarily say adorable, wondrous things that can delight both parent and reader.  Their bodies no longer resemble the round, magically smelling perfection that I can still remember with all my senses.  They have to bend down to kiss me – a completely inverted calculation.  And yet, as often as we see each other (which is thankfully, often), as easily as we still share the thoughts in our heads and the secrets of our hearts – I am always left in tears when they head back to their homes.  I cry with gratitude – they are the most remarkable people; I cry with disbelief, for I truly don’t know where the time has gone (I mean really – have you seen me lately?  Who would think I would have a 30, 28 and 25 year old) and I cry because every time they go away, I want to keep them with me.  Corny stuff, huh?  I know, but there is no other way for love like this to be articulated – we’re past poopy diaper jokes, dirty baseball uniforms and unexpectedly found condom wrappers.  What we’re left with is a perfectly imperfect family, that continues to return to itself to restore, renew and reaffirm this story which is as old as time itself.

My boys…my boys…

inspiration, love, parenting

An Ode To Maurice Sendak

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“The night Max wore his wolf suit…” – a line we spoke aloud

Though the book was still unopened, my wild things would expound

Our was full of wild things – both human and stuffed toys

His authorship delighted me and tickled my young boys

 

 

We traveled over weeks and days and in and out of years

We gnarled and thrashed and showed our claws while conquering our fears

We marched “In The Night Kitchen” or pretended that we did

Carrying empty paper towel rolls instead of rolling pins

 

We memorized his stories, we kissed lots of little bears

A night without a Sendak story was altogether rare

I loved Maurice Sendak and delight in him today

And though he’s gone, in many ways he’ll never go away

humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness, parenting

I Am SO Hating Hallmark

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Each year I swear this  isn’t going to happen…as the days tick down I steel myself.   At this point my emotional armor is ostensibly secure and unyielding.  I am prepared for battle and I will emerge victorious.  Hallmark – you’re going down.

And I see the commercial where all these ‘moms’ (in quotes for I don’t really know if they are moms) look into the camera and implore their kids to ‘just’ – “just tell me you’re proud of me”, “just tell me I’m doing this right”, “just tell me you love me”, “just tell me I matter to you”…and I dissolve into a weeping fool.  My steely protection melts, my waterproof mascara fails miserably (note to cosmetic companies – I would be a good tester for your waterproof eye makeup) and as I gulp, I curse the fact that yet again they got me.  Dammit.

I’m great in a crisis – if you need someone stoic, calm and focused, call me.  Give me a love story, a happy ending – no matter how predictable, expressions of affection and/or appreciation and I’m an embarrassment.  Although I realize this dates me,  I cried during the last five minutes of “The Trouble With Angels” when Hayley Mills decided to become a nun.  Let’s not even talk about “The Parent Trap”, “Dumbo”…

The Trouble with Angels (film)
The Trouble with Angels (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are other commercials airing here that press my emotional buttons too,  but Hallmark represents all of those advertisers that are thriving by making saps like me cry.  Shame on you.  I’m a mom – I don’t think you’re supposed to reduce me to tears and have me feel stupid for doing so simultaneously.  I don’t begrudge any holiday – prepackaged or otherwise – which encourages people to acknowledge their love for one another.  I’ve really been blessed with the relationships I have with my sons – and we have always been generously affectionate and articulate about our feelings for each other.  I’m completely crazy about them,  proud of the men they are, enthralled by their stories and thankful that they still want to share them with me.  I love the women they have chosen to share their journeys and relish the time I have with them too.

And if I’m going to cry thinking about Mother’s Day, that’s what I’d like to cry about.  This indescribable love that grabs me by the throat, the sensory memories I have of my babies after bath time, their giggles before their voices changed and their dirty jokes after their voices changed, their delight when they eclipsed me in height,  little hands hugging my neck, singing to them at night and sloppy kisses that would leave my cheeks smudged and wet…

There are thousands upon thousands of moments in a lifetime that I would rather cry over and a Hallmark commercial isn’t one of them.  Yet I have not figured out a way to steel myself from the trite advertisements for love, which in and of themselves somehow minimize what is in my heart.  So until we get past Sunday, I think I’ll leave the tv off, avoid the card store and just look forward to seeing the kids over the weekend.

inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, music

As Friday Begins To Wind Its Way Down

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A beautiful thought to end the work week and ease into the weekend, courtesy of The Story People…

We all are a part of something far bigger than we can imagine.  Still, I hope this weekend brings you reason to sing, marvel at the small things that we typically never see and pause one moment to consider the fantastic wonder of it all.   That’s the best karma you can be offered – accept it with an open hand.  Until next time…

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness, motivation

Thoughts For A Friday Afternoon

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As many of you know, I started this adventure in mid-January.  I have now had over 4,000 people visit my blog – which I find both wonderful and startling.  I realize this is an inconsequential milestone for those of you who have enjoyed much deserved success and readership (I’m probably one of your biggest fans).  For me, it is astonishing, very cool and inherently motivating.  My new friends who I may never meet in person – but ‘talk’ with  all the time through comments and offline written conversations – you set the bar incredibly high and encourage me to reach and try to touch the rarefied space in which you share your thoughts;  my old friends – you  continue to amaze me with your love and loyalty and willingness to read these musings;  my sons and daughters-in-law – I’m so glad I haven’t embarrassed you yet and;  those who just happened onto this page – you have filled my head with the happiest of thoughts this Friday afternoon, and my heart with gratitude which is incalculable.  I hope your day is replete with smiles – and provides you with as much joy as you have given me.