thoughts on the spaces in between
Saturdays should begin softly and slowly…no gulping coffee before running out the door, an extra moment to notice that the sun is making its presence known and realize that right now, in this quiet, gentle moment – it’s all good.
Soon enough the rush-to-run-errands-take-kids-to-practice-stop-by-the-gas-station-find-time-for-the-gym will begin. Until then – send out your happy dance, it’s today.
Drink your coffee, gird your loins and get ready to attack the day – it’s Friday!
It’s 1:45 in the morning and I’m sitting here at the Knights’ Round Table, with a cup of coffee and a heavy, unbreakable silence that pervades the house. Even the Knights have dispensed with their evening wanderings — ensuring that the kingdom is secure before retiring to their abodes (e.g., my bed). The last training session for this program ended today…um, yesterday, and my mind is racing with post-mortem thoughts that needed a place to go.
(In case you’re wondering I don’t look nearly as refreshed as this woman does)
I have told you about the level of engagement of the participants, the richness of our dialogue and the development of professional bonds which will likely continue and thrive. On this, our last ‘official’ time together, the group surprised me (which is rare – I don’t ‘surprise’ easily). I returned to the conference room after making a phonecall, and there they were standing together by the door, snapping their fingers and singing “we love you” (the melody was unclear but it definitely had a beat because everyone was dancing. So…I danced too..) To make this brief, we were laughing and I was fumbling around with my sense of wonder when they gifted me with a memory to last a lifetime. They told me they thought I was terrific and wanted to thank me for our sessions. A gift of personalized stationery and a custom made t-shirt with a motto of mine (that’s a secret which will be revealed in another post). What was just as astonishing were the personal messages each person wrote on a card to me. Expressions of appreciation for the program and hopes for continued dialogue, one person called meeting me a ‘blessing’, every one commenting upon the impact the course had on them and their delight with the content and me as the facilitator. I don’t want to overstate the incredible feeling this evoked in me, nor do I want to make this post about me. It’s about them
You know how much energy I received from their collective and individual enthusiasm. You can imagine the loyalty that I feel towards such a devoted group, and how much I want for them to continue striving to be the best managers in their offices. And they will. At one point, J asked me, “so what motivates you”? And I realized that for me there is nothing more gratifying than positive connections. I facilitated a program – their interest in the content fed my enthusiasm, my soul and my sense of purpose. We can impact many, we can impact one. And if fortune is kind, and those moments become integrated into a person’s way of doing business, his/her approach to others and their lives in general, then they have hit my motivational sweet spot. These participants nailed it every Thursday – and yesterday gave me more than I feel I can ever return (but will continue to try).
I am sorry for their senior managers who don’t recognize the quality in their ranks, the innovative thoughts and strategies that are simmering on the back burners of ‘those in the trenches’. If you don’t seek feedback from your direct reports about what they are seeing, what alternative approaches they are considering and whatever out-of-the-box ideas that are constantly germinating in the minds of those seeking to enhance and engage the workplace, you are missing the greatest resources available to you. The workplace is morphing before our eyes – our challenge is to respond with forethought and consideration. It serves no productive purpose to wait until the tidal wave of change washes over our offices and we are left shell-shocked and reacting to change far too late to do more than clean up the mess. We have some tough decisions to make over the next few years – our staffing paradigms will change, virtual management is no longer a thirty minute sit-com called “Max Headroom” – it’s a reality. Technology is allowing clients to demand 24/7 availability while it is also removing our gift of dialogue and the nuance of the written word. The values upon which most firms were founded no longer hold up under scrutiny (hello Dewey LeBoeuf). Who will respond to these waves of change? People like those who attended this workshop. These are the people who will do the hard prep if you ask them, ask provocative questions before they become moot and who truly want to create the best professional environment possible. I send them love and thanks – they taught me so much and in exchange I feel like I really gave so little. I only offered my time, some insight that experience and training have afforded me, and a genuine focus on their development. It was my responsibility and my privilege. When they return to their offices, I hope someone in a senior position does his/her job – listen to what these people have to say – and consider acting on their ideas. I will miss them next Thursday, but I will remember them forever.
Before I head off for the last of the current Thursday training classes, I wanted to send you a “Happy Thursday” and a thought for the day…Personally? I’ve met my share of people who I wished would go climb the nearest tree – but it wasn’t because of their mental acuity. Excel in your realm; at the least have a good day.
With apologies to Joyce Kilmer, Dr. Seuss and Ogden Nash…
I think that I shall never view
A you as perfectly you than you
You’re almost perfect which seems more than fine
Any more than that and you’d be viewed as Divine
You’re angry and snarky, you’re happy and joyful
You’re goofy and troubled and giggly and soulful
Your days run the gamut from perfect to lousy
Some days you’re awake; others you’re drowsy
There are moments you’re sure that you must be insane
And if so, then my friend we are one and the same
The point of this post – very short, mildly witty
is that some days are diamonds while others are shitty
And no matter which day yours is fated to be
There’s something to gain which your eyes may not see
The knowledge that moments pass quicker each year
And it’s better to hold them all nearer than near
You’re you-ness conspires to handle your load
Whether feeling quite princely or more like a toad
And regardless you really could not be more grand
And for this, I for one give you one rousing hand!
Happy Monday my friends! Given that I have a penchant to talk about, to and with them I considered it only fair to introduce you to the Knights Of The Round Table. Their loyalty to the kingdom is unmatched, their love unparalleled and their wisdom almost beyond that which we mere mortals can embrace. I am sure you will hear more about them at some point or another over the course of our times together, so may I present Sirs Archibald and Theodore…
The Round Table…
The Knights defend the castle with nobility and courage from falling leaves, advancing squirrels and the occasional bunny (with the caveat that the bunny must be quite small and not advance). They nobly entertain the King and our Princes; and their devotion is inestimable (especially for their handmaiden…er…handmatron…look, I can’t be the Queen, there’s way too much testosterone around here, and besides I don’t think the Queen cooks, so you’ll have to excuse the hierarchical departure), and their lessons so universal they need not be taught in English.
I take your leave so I may provide them with their morning meal. Then I will enjoy some highly caffeinated beverage before I post any further entries. The joy of the morning to you all!
A lovely, thoughtful moment courtesy of – one more time – The Story People.
I hope today provides you with moments of happiness, laughter and light traffic (on the road and in your head) …
It’s the perfect Sunday morning – good coffee, gentle rain, the New York Times, my husband and me. All in my family are well. My friends and I may not always be skipping through life, but we’re old enough to know that there is far more to be grateful for, than envious of. We’re made stronger by paying it forward and most of us are trying to figure out how to do that more and more. And for all that – I would re-affirm that it is just the perfect Sunday morning. I just wanted to wish you the same – and a smile.
As many of you know, I started this adventure in mid-January. I have now had over 4,000 people visit my blog – which I find both wonderful and startling. I realize this is an inconsequential milestone for those of you who have enjoyed much deserved success and readership (I’m probably one of your biggest fans). For me, it is astonishing, very cool and inherently motivating. My new friends who I may never meet in person – but ‘talk’ with all the time through comments and offline written conversations – you set the bar incredibly high and encourage me to reach and try to touch the rarefied space in which you share your thoughts; my old friends – you continue to amaze me with your love and loyalty and willingness to read these musings; my sons and daughters-in-law – I’m so glad I haven’t embarrassed you yet and; those who just happened onto this page – you have filled my head with the happiest of thoughts this Friday afternoon, and my heart with gratitude which is incalculable. I hope your day is replete with smiles – and provides you with as much joy as you have given me.
Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that this is one of the songs that repeated in my head as I drove home from my third training session yesterday….”everyone knows an ant can’t/move a rubber tree plant/but he’s got high hopes/he’s got high hopes/he’s got high-apple-pie-in-the-sky hope…”
What can I say, I can be such a geek that I even I shake my head in disbelief.
Yesterday we met for our third training session – using Bruce Tulgan’s “It’s Ok To Be The Boss” as our framework. I like Tulgan; I love the participants in the program. I’m already dreading our last day – I have received more from this arbitrary group of people than I could ever provide them in return by facilitating these discussions. I need to share with you just some of what I have learned – or re-discovered while on this brief journey with this engaged group of people:
– Trust first, second, third, fourth…They demanded trust – from each other and from me at the outset of our program. Our ground rules began and ended with that premise – what happened in the program, stayed in the program. We would share openly, without filters with the understanding that I wanted to be challenged and I would reciprocate. What continues to inspire and delight is the amount of mutual respect that certainly has trust as its predicate, but is furthered by the efforts that are made to be of help to each other. Yesterday we spoke at length about some of the people – supervisors and supervisees – that present the inevitable frustrations and challenges that are faced on a daily basis. The energy expended in truly listening to the speaker and attempting to respond with constructive, alternative approaches was staggering. And tiring – we were all pretty fried when the day ended while still looking forward to next Thursday for another exercise in enthusiastic exhaustion.
– A network of people who do what you do, experience similar difficulties, share parallel objectives can provide more than just an opportunity to vent (which has its benefits, no doubt). Your network can provide relevant suggestions, commiseration, a dose of humor, perspective and a sounding board for testing new ideas or strategies before bringing them forward to the powers-that-be. And people in your network will hold you accountable to participate in kind.
– Shame on the C-level or director-level people who encouraged the participants’ attendance and never really intended to help them move forward with the very real challenges that these managers are facing all the time. Since most of the people who read this blog never worked with me, I can risk being redundant – hopefully without boring you. Law firms face some difficulties which we haven’t addressed for years – an overabundance of local and global administrative resources who aren’t busy, aren’t being re-tooled and are largely being ignored because it’s the easiest option. Many firms are not as busy as they once were and work is not being distributed evenly – some partners handle the work typically completed by senior associates, associates grab for paralegal work, paralegals take on administrivia and ennui creeps into the environment like some sort of ivy from “Little Shop Of Horrors”. Expectations and a sense of entitlement permeate the air, along with the hum of people listening to their iPods while shopping on Amazon or Groupon. We realize this has happened; we haven’t made the hard decisions that would allow people to move forward.
We have been working during these training sessions – and these managers can provide some terrific thoughts about shaking off this pervasive inertia – an engaged leader would listen to them. These are smart, committed, devoted people who want to get their departments operating at the highest professional levels. Listen to them – do more than just asking if s/he liked the course.
– We are a team. We are proof of the distinction between a group of people who happen to be serendipitously thrown together by time and circumstance. We call each other on the play we did (or didn’t) effect, support each other as we strive to fulfill both individual and group objectives and decisions are transparent. The day is long, we take short breaks, bring our lunch in and get back in the game because we are all in it. As one person lags during the 2:00 PM ‘I need a nap’ moment, another encourages him/her out of it with a cup of coffee (or the recommendation to get up and move around). The rhythm of the day changes all the time – it’s my job to feel the ebb and flow and get us through in the most effective way possible. That also means I often lead from behind – in other words, I let someone else take control of the conversation. It gives others the chance to control the direction of our dialogue, gives voice to specific concerns and provides a ‘safe’ place for people to practice their leadership skills.
– At the end of each session, each person writes about their ‘take-away’ from the day. I take away a renewed awe at the tremendous results effected by a team of people from different generations with different cultural and ethnic histories (so much more than that which can happen with a cookie cutter group of people). I take away laughter and questions still to be answered and the humbling experience of watching someone have an “aha” moment. I take away anticipation for next week and tremendous appreciation for having had the opportunity to spend the day with people who really want to exceed their own expectations. I look forward, as always with “High Hopes”. Happy weekend everybody.
In the musical “Sweet Charity”, there’s a song with a chorus that often repeats in my head (and occasionally out of my mouth) – “The rhythm of life has a powerful beat/Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet/Rhythm in the bedroom, rhythm in the street/Yes, the rhythm of life has a powerful beat”
I’m not tingling this morning, let along feeling the beat. I think I’m working off of the kind of hum a light bulb makes before it burns out. Ok, that’s a bit severe – I’m not tired of writing (how can I be when this site is barely four months old), or tired of consulting, or tired of being retired. My rhythm is just off. my sense of timing has been disturbed. Ergo, no tingle.
We got back from four days in Puerto Rico last night. On the flight home, I felt like we had been gone for weeks and began filling my head with my ‘to-dos’ and the ache behind my eyes began. By the time the taxi pulled into our driveway my list had given birth to more lists and I could only isolate the top priorities – check in with the kids, grocery store run, trip to PetsMart for more dog food, piles of critical mail that must need immediate attention…my heart begins to accelerate and I haven’t even put the damn key in the door.
I was wrong on all counts – w-r-o-n-g. The truth of the matter is that the half-and-half didn’t spoil, we have enough coffee, the fruit isn’t rotten (though we could use some bananas), no need to head to PetsMart for another week or more, more junk mail than real mail and lots of emails but none that make me groan with guilt for delaying my response. So – four days is just four days. This is just too much to wrap my head around. How can it be that absolutely nothing critical happened? All just went along as it should. This is clearly a reality for someone smarter than me.
Take me out of my daily environment and I lose all sense of perspective – even when there’s no time difference between where I’ve been and where I’m going. I become part of wherever I am, almost as if there was nothing that preceded it. If ever this truth was underscored, it was made clear to me after a late evening boat trip (we’re talking small motor boat holding no more than eight people) out onto a bay in which bio-luminessence is evident in the blackness of night. To get to the bay, this lone boat winded its way through a narrow lagoon with mangroves for walls and a roof over our head. Through the lagoon there was no sky, no sense of being anywhere other perhaps the set of a Wes Craven movie. Occasionally the Captain would shine a light on a large iguana balanced on a branch, indifferent to the intrusion; ribbons of translucent snakeskin left in aged, gnarled roots, as its owner slithered away at some point comfortable in a newer version of himself/herself; a lone bird sleeping peacefully with feathers that were startlingly white and orange and a beak so black one couldn’t discern its beginning or end (perhaps it was the Pinocchio of the lagoon and had a beak so long it was almost endless). Once out on the bay, the water looked as if it was receiving stars as they fell from the sky. The scientific explanation is that the plankton in this area light up when disturbed, the fish glow as they skip above the water. This nexus of nature’s variables – the type of water, weather, fish, plankton, etc occurs in only four places in the world. The romantic version is even better. A wooden pole in the water left a shiny wake similar in its smoky silver color to that of a witch’s brew. The only distinction between the sky and the water was the sound of the waves lapping against the boat. And stars in the sky don’t jump with such enthusiasm. My hand in the water took on this ethereal glow – so beautiful and shiny I never wanted to remove it for I was sure it held magic. The seven others people sharing this experience were equally awed. At first we all ‘oohed and ahhed’, occasionally we each would marvel aloud..and then quiet seemed more appropriate. It was too magnificent to absorb with anything other than silence.
Captain Suarez and Mingo his assistant were characters out of a novel – maybe Hemingway, maybe not for they were gentle and reverent. Their days-old beards covered the craggy lines that define a life on the water, aging hands that were ropier than those which moored the old boat at the end of the day’s work, broken English that shared their knowledge of astral navigation in a language we all could understand. I asked Mingo why the traveled with little if any light even in the lagoon and he said that one who sailed was supposed to know where they were going by the stars – the light did more harm than good.
You can’t be a part of time like this and not feel with certainty that there is something way bigger than we are. We disembarked with gracious silence. What had we just seen? How do we capture this in our memory? is there any way to do such moments justice? What day is it today?
I can’t say much else happened while we were gone. Our most intrepid friend zip-lined gloriously in the rain forest, my husband golfed (that’s not new), he won more than he lost at the blackjack table. We flew home – gone for not much longer than a long weekend and I’ve misplaced my rhythm.
I read your blogs last night and this morning perpetually shaking my head with wonder at the extraordinary talent of the people I follow (and some that I don’t), wondering how I will ever get back into the swing. I know I will, for life calls regardless of where one may be, and we adjust accordingly. But right now, I am slow to re-enter the music of my day-to-day life while the beat of the last four days still echoes faintly in my head. That’s the beauty and the bane of going away and coming home…I answer to a powerful beat.
Waiting for the Karma Truck 