I always wonder how magicians do it. Being quite naive and slow to track a sleight of hand, I’m one of those excellent candidates that others shake their heads at, wondering how I could have missed it. I miss it every time. So when in the audience, I never volunteer. I’m too easy. Andy figures out all of these tricks – it’s part of that male mystique of his that requires the provision of an acceptable answer.
Lately I feel like I’m the one trying to figure out the scheme. And as usual, I’m not exactly blinding anyone with my brilliance. Rather, I’m letting each moment happen and have surrendered to the limits of my intellect.
In the past few weeks, there has been a health scare with my son (he’s totally fine – but if you think I could string two coherent words together at the time, you’d be giving me way too much credit). I stayed awake – certain that if my vigilance failed for a moment, something awful might happen. I’m not sure I was breathing, yet I must have been, ’cause I’m writing to you now. As soon as I heard he was ok I saw myself as a puddle on the floor. No longer with any form or substantive thought. It doesn’t matter whether or not he understood my reaction for it wasn’t/isn’t about me – he’s the child (even though he’s an adult), I’m the mom.
One of my sons completed his MBA. This is his second Master’s degree – both completed while working full-time at one of the most unforgiving consulting companies when it comes to time and billing (let me take that back – all professional service firms are unforgiving when it comes to time and billing). Yes, I whooped when they called his name (but at his request, I didn’t yell “Go baby!”). These men o’ mine are no longer men o’ mine – they are husbands first. And I wanted my mama lion role back (with no disrespect to either one of my lovely daughters-in-law), mourned the loss of the role I know well. Chuffing at the opening of my lair…
Andy’s parents are moving to CA to be closer to their daughter and her family. The weather will be kinder. the opportunities greater for my father-in-law to golf, my mother-in-law to get involved in some activities. Andy’s up there helping them get organized until he makes it home today. We’ll go back up together on Wednesday. I’ve been here before; there’s nothing about it that’s easy.
My cherished friend going through the ebbs and flows of possible transitions – not knowing from one moment to the next whether she’s going-along-to-get-along or passionately caring about the life choices ahead.
So I wake each day with a hint of worry attached to my coffee cup. My shoulders a bit more bent. Roles change all the time, relationships morph because that’s what relationships do. The earth always moving beneath our feet and relying on our sense of balance to remain upright.
And yet…I am acutely aware that everything is ok. I caught two blue jays yakking it up yesterday afternoon (wow are they loud). The early morning stars shone with such clarity I wept at their beauty. I gratefully accept the morning’s invitation. Somewhere inside I am as full and fortunate as any one person can be.
I am going to take a page from some of my fellow bloggers and take a bit of a hiatus. It’s not good-bye of course, just some time to fiddle with the idea of blogging, maybe change the paint on the karma truck, rotate the tires, shift gears so to speak. It’s time – we’ve been on this road together for a long time and rather than lose the company, I’d prefer to pull over and park this baby for awhile. Get outside, renew, re-think, restore.
And maybe, just maybe when I get back, I’ll be able to tell you just how the magicians do it. See you soon. Much love…m
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Waiting for the Karma Truck 
Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
A MYSTERY TO ME TOO….I FUMBLE A LOT!!! EVEN IN KEYBOARDING…SURE HOPE EVERYBODY FEELS BEETTER!
Oh I do hope you come back soon but take all the time you need – sending love.
🙂 Thank you Jules…love being sent right back your way.. ❤
life hands us an awful lot to contend with and the fact that you have been contending for so long leads to fatigue–but you still manage to be thankful and find blessings–take all the time you need–I too am on a sort of hiatus–life has been handing me a lot to deal with these days too–I will be here when you get back — lots of hugs
Hi LouAnn – I’m sorry that your hands are so full right now that they feel like they’re overflowing. I get the need for a break, and hope that all works out in the best way possible…xox
My dear Mimi, boy do I understand these words and sentiments. I will miss you but we will stay in touch. Life, feelings, relationships, motherhood – sometimes can become overwhelming. I’m glad your son is okay. Now, take care of you. I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus too. Sending you love and light.
Thank you Wendy…seems that life is catching up with a lot of us these days…I look forward to continuing to read your blog (when you get a chance to post) and hope all settles down soon – and happily.
Same sentiments to you.
It *has* been a bit of an emotional roller coaster in your neck of the woods of late, dear friend. I am so very glad that you’re allowing yourself the time and space you need to renew and refresh. Your fellow roadies will be here waiting patiently. 🙂 xox
Love you Lori…<3
Very glad you can’t see my pouting face but if parking the karma truck for a while is what will bring you back, than take all the time you need, however…
if things start rusting up while parked,
just give me a shout and I’ll get you a stretched limo with a driver who used to be a magician 😉
Seriously Mimi, I’m gonna miss you.
I’ve stalled more than a few times and you have always been the one who seemed to bring me out of it but I am thinking when you return,
it’s going to be the best Magic trick we have ever seen!
Be well and along with the others,
just know I’ll be here waiting for you 🙂
God bless xoxo
Oh Kimmie – you are something else (in all the good ways that one can think!)…I’ll be back without question. Just need a little break. And if I managed to bring you out of a slump even one time, then I am beyond happy and gratified…see you soon..xo, m
Beautiful post Mimi. You’ll be missed. Hope your time away allows you to re-charge and re-fire. Dave
Thanks very much..I’ll be around – reading all my favorite blogs. Can’t get rid of me that easily pal. 😉
Laughing. That’s good. Cause you’re my morning juice.
You can count on me…orange, grapefruit, tomato? Juice that is.
I’ll take all of it
🙂
This post pretty much says it all Mim…will miss seeing the truck parked in my inbox, but I know the incredible woman behind the wheel knows what she’s doing. There will always be a “Reserved for the Karma Truck” sign in my driveway…always. Enjoy your R & R and spit and polish…we’ll be here when you get back on the road. Love you SK….xoxo
Thank you WW – it’s been almost two years since I brought this truck in for maintenance…I’ll be back soon..xo
I know you will…better than ever (if possible). Nothing like the feeling of a new coat of paint and a nice purr under the hood. xoxo
What Rhonda says, there is a “Reserved for the Karma Truck” sign on my street – I don’t have a driveway, but you can have my highly coveted street parking any day! In fact, I will just order an extra city permit for you! It’s in the ‘mail’ 🙂 xoxo – happy you are doing what YOU need for YOU! xoxo
Thank you honey bun…I’ll be back soon. And we’ll still be on email…xoxo
LOL…check your inbox in about 5 min! 🙂
We will miss you! I do understand the overwhelming-ness of it all. I am a worrier too. Doesn’t matter that it doesn’t help. It’s what we do and in the midst of it I can’t think coherently either. Glad the news about your son is good. That’s a big one!
Kate, it is the hugest one of all!! And wnehn all was said and done and confirmed that he was fine, I literally felt like I had nothing been drained dry. The gas gauge is on empty. So time to bring the truck in for it’s 100,000+ mile check-up. I’ll be back soon..
and we’ll all look forward to your return, mimi, in whatever form it appears. go do what you need to do, and be better for it, find the answers to some of those tricks.
Hi Beth – can I tell you that I still don’t know how my dad used to pull grapes out of my friends’ ears? Thanks for the good wishes. Just a little downtime that’s all..
Mimi,
I’m so glad your son is okay and I hope your in-law’s move goes well. I’ll look forward to your return whenever that is. All the best,
Cathy
Thanks Cathy – I’ll be back soon.
Although I’ll miss seeing the Karma Truck in my neighborhood I can understand your need to park it for awhile. I am confident that someone who writes as beautifully as you do won’t be able to stay away for too long, though. Take care, recharge, and return when you feel the magic again.
You’re very very kind and generous with your praise – and I take none of it for granted. Thank you – I’ll be back in a bit. Recharging is always a good thing..See you soon..
Oh Mimi, it seemed like you had been really quiet lately–I just assumed you were off enjoying the mountain house, carefree. I am thrilled that you got good news about your son, and I will echo everyone else’s sentiments: you are a tremendously talented writer, but I definitely understand the need to take a break. Shoot me an email and let me know if/when you can do Amphora, so I can give you a big hug and see for myself that you’re OK. Lots of love. XOXOXO
Hi Jill – we’re definitely overdue for an Amphora date -will email you this week. I’m fine – really – though I love you for worrying (well, I love you regardless…). Just a lot going on that ultimately suggests that the engine needs a little break. xoxo, m
“So I wake each day with a hint of worry attached to my coffee cup. My shoulders a bit more bent. Roles change all the time, relationships morph because that’s what relationships do. The earth always moving beneath our feet and relying on our sense of balance to remain upright.” – Yes, Mimi, I feel this…but along with it, it seems that we just notice more, feel more, our souls become richer. It is certainly a bittersweet time in life, at least for me. You are a beautiful person…take care of yourself. 🙂
It is certainly a bittersweet time – and arguably more sweet than bitter. I appreciate your posts each day, and will continue to, for a little maintenance under the hood doesn’t deter me from reading those bloggers who I most enjoy – and learn from. Thank you for your loving thoughts – I promise I’m fine – just pulling over to the side of the road for a little while.. ❤
🙂
how very beautifully you write! Sounds like an intense last few weeks for you. Glad your son is well and am trying to catch your perspective of having the child-rearing thing behind you. Helps to see all sides and angles. Take all the time you need, Mimi. I’m honored to know you and still know how to find you 😉
I won’t be long gone Liz and will still be here reading all the great blogs I love. Just a couple of weeks to get all the truck’s levels balanced. 😉 xo
Take the rest and reflection that you need. I will be here when you get back. 🙂
I am so grateful!!
You will be greatly missed! And hoping that after the pit-break, karma truck is re-newed and re-energized like ever before. Never said it earlier but you liking my post validated them 😊. Your roadie friends will wait to hear from you. God bless!
I ‘like’ your posts because you have really interesting things to offer and you write the so well. Thanks for waiting for me my roadie buddy – I won’t be long..
Wow what a post, so glad you son is ok now when our children are not well we worry no matter how old the child is………..or if they are no longer a child………
Take a break and return when you can we will still be here when you get back to us
THank you so much Joanne…see you soon.
See you when you get back Mimi. Stay beautiful.
🙂 xo
Awww Mimi. You thoughtful words will be missed but I applaud you for taking what you need to reboot. There are those times in life…I have taken several. It will great to see where your next path takes you! All the best, Jane
Thank you Jane – I’ll be back soon (and I’ll still be reading blogs, if not posting any)..
Missing you already Mimi, but I totally understand. Big heartfelt hugs until we see our favorite Karma Truck again…♥
I won’t be gone long enough to be missed… ❤
You are always missed. xo
🙂 thank you..xo
Even though things happen, life goes on and even when they are ok again we need to reflect and still get over some fear and stuff what happened. Changes are always diffidult. Glad your son is ok and I know what you mean, you love them and they will always be your children you care about deeply. We want them to be healthy and happy.
Take a good rest and enjoy the peace. See when you are back! Take care.
You’re so right Ute – when a lot is going on, I tend to just plow through until all is done. And only then do I acknowledge the pain or exhaustion or even the exhilaration. Perhaps it’s just the need to honor that feeling of being spent. And knowing that a little respite is all I need. Thank you..
Sending you Light and blessings while you are on hiatus… Know that you make such a positive difference in the blogging world. I, one of many, will be here when you return.
Thank you Theresa – very much.
Enjoy the sabbatical, Mimi! I’ll be watching for your return. Peace and best, John
Thank you John – it feels good to know that there will still be some wonderful people here. That said, I won’t be gone long…
The sun will continue to rise ….and set…. and you are awesome. ♥ hugs ♥
Indeed it will…upon that we all can rely. As for how awesome I am? Thank you so much for thinking so.. ❤
🙂
All the best to you Mimi. I will always be looking for you here or on FB. Take good care. hugs. Renee ♥
❤ Thank you Renee – I'll be back..
turn turn turn. 🙂 Have a good turn. 🙂
Mimi, I’ve been thinking about taking a sabbatical as well. It seems that life, with work, has been taking exponentially more time and I am pressed to do everything I want to do and need to make some changes. I thought that this part of life was to provide more time for reflection and enjoyment but as the song goes . . .’It’s funny how time slips away. I will keep an eye out in the neighborhood for the ‘Karma Truck’ as it has become a big part of my weekly reading and reflection. Until then, be well and take care! Bill
Hi Bill, I’m beginning to think about getting back in the proverbial blogging saddle again – tho’ I have found this time off helpful. Yes, ‘ain’t it funny how time slips away’ – despite all of our efforts to appreciate each moment, live in the ‘now’, not hurry minutes by…A little time to re-group and re-consider is a good thing. That said I will miss your daily posts, for they are as much a part of my morning and as welcome as my first cup of coffee. I’ll be back soon – and if you take a sabbatical – I’ll be here when you return..
I am excited to see your “Likes” on my posts today, Mimi. How’s the pondering going? I hope you will be back stoked, writing soon.
Hi Mark – It’s good to be back..Need to catch up with those I ‘follow’ and see what’s going on. How do you like the new look of the site? Of course, it would help to post something huh?
I like the new look, Mimi, and immediately went to the top post and thought, still the old one. How’d I not like this one? Oh, yeah, I was sad that you were going on hiatus.
I eagerly await that first comeback post.
No pressure. 🙂
Laughing…thank you my friend – no pressure felt – just happy.
I’m so glad to read your son is fine. When something happens to our children – regardless of their ages – we pass out on the inside while trying to remain soldier straight in their eyes. Take as much time as you need – we’ll be here when you get back. Computers don’t take breaks, but humans can. Enjoy your time, maybe eat a few hotdogs on your karma trick’s roof, catch some rays and recharge. All the best – no worries
AnnMarie 🙂
Hi AnnMarie – thank you so much..I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I stopped. It’s clear you know what I mea.. 😉 I’m heading back on the road this week I think. Thank you SO much for sticking with me while I’ve been away.
You’re so very welcome. It’s that point in the year where I’ve begun putting weird things like shoes in the refrigerator. It’s almost too much (end of school stuff, sports stuff…) and I know if I had to worry about one of my children that would knock me to the ground for a while. And then only afterward would I realize how exhausted I’d been all along. Again, it was a relief to read your son is okay. All the best to you and more…
AnnMarie 🙂
Have a wonderful week 🙂
Seems like you’ve been tinkering under the hood already. Time to tinker and think, would love to take a leaf out of your book. Enjoy the changes you make in everything. See you soon.
Laughing – you caught me! I’ve been tinkering a little bit and am planning to pull out of the garage next week…:-) Thank you for stickin’ with me during this break!
Don’t be gone too long though eh?
Ah Danny – back today… 🙂
Great… I thought you meant you would be gone for months on end.