anxiety, discretion, friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

What’s Love Got To Do With It? A lot

mimijk

I want to thank Bill who writes the blog drbillwooten.com  for posting a quote this morning which has been echoing in my head –

“In the life of each of us…there is a place remote and islanded, and given to endless regret or secret happiness.  Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside wakes.” — C.E. Jung

Let me qualify this, before you leap to the notion that I’m advocating a narcissistic approach to life, centered totally on yourself with no consideration given to anyone or anything else.  Back it up my friend – let’s slow down and just take a little stroll, ok?  There is little risk that any of those who read this are on the cusp of world domination, figuratively speaking (if for some reason you are on the literal cusp of world domination,  I think it’s best I don’t know – just remember to please be kind when you assume global power).

I worry about my friends and family the way my Sirs can worry a bone.  Archie can spend hours considering a new bone from every angle, holding it tightly in his paws, refusing to consider a walk outside or a diversion of any kind.  I get it.  And so today I’m writing to all of you who have been on my mind – I love you, but I also need to get some sleep.

You are so incredibly worthy and deserving of all the happiness that you seek.  And you’re going to find it.  I wish I could tell you that it’s located on aisle six of the supermarket, next to the shaving cream.  On sale with no coupon needed.  The good news is that the cost isn’t prohibitive. The less-than-good-news is that it’s where we seldom choose to look.  Step inside yourself for a minute.  What do you see?  My hunch is that you see a lot of what you don’t want to look at.  So, we shut that door and look outside.  And our lives become “if..then” statements. ‘If this person loves me, then I will be happy.’  ‘If I could just get her to do ‘x’, then all would be good’.  ‘If I get this promotion, then I’ll be set’.  And – what if none of that happens?  We push that away.  Don’t want to think about it, because we’ve already set the level of expectation.

But where do you come into play?  If you spoke to yourself as you would your best friend, looked in the mirror through the eyes of one who loves and cherishes you, gave yourself permission to love yourself with the same passionate devotion with which you approach others – what would you do today?  How would you take care of you?  Would you let someone you love waste one moment of his/her time on sorrow that is avoidable?  Would you ever let someone you adore, cede control of his/her sense of self to anyone?  You wouldn’t of course – that’s what makes you such a fantastic friend.  Perhaps to everyone except yourself.

I’ve gotten myself so lost at times that it’s taken me years to get back to someone I recognize.  It happens.  And finding that I detoured and went so far off course that I couldn’t even figure out my true location is not a foreign exercise to me.  I’m still learning to give myself a break, nurture the little kid in me, still the voices in my head that continue to insist that they know what I should be doing, when arguably they no longer really know me at all.  I look in the mirror and some days I can’t stand what I see.  And I have a very strong able-bodied imp that jumps up and down every time I try to give myself an ‘atta girl’.

But – and it’s a big but – I know if I listen for too long, I will go down a path I would rather not travel.  I want to love this life enough to feel joy with who I am – choosing to sit here at the round table, with the sun on my back, jazz playing softly in the background, writing to you.  I choose to travel inside every once in a while to see how I’m treating myself, and to remember that I’m more ok than I probably think I am.  And more importantly, I can’t dismiss my own neurotic idiosyncracies by focusing on everyone and everything except them.  They’re as much a part of me as any wonderful qualities I may possess.  So be it.  I’ve gotta expend a little emotional energy on me.  That’s what my best friend would tell me.

My best friend would remind me that in her eyes, I’m wonderful and worthy and important. A best friend would not let me put the onus of my happiness on anyone’s shoulders and would urge me to get happy with me first.  Because a friend loves like that.  Can you be your own best friend for a little while?  Take that tentative walk inside and find all the wonder that is there and try to make peace with what is not – and still love you like crazy?

That is my wish for today – that you see yourself as I do.  That you embrace your magical, wonderful, generous, funny, lovable, silly, serious, slightly nutty, ridiculously talented self as I would if you were here.

Published by mimijk

Woman of a certain age…mom, wife, grandmom, sister, friend, mentor, advisor, perpetual ponderer. “I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning difficult” (E.B. White)

42 thoughts on “What’s Love Got To Do With It? A lot”

  1. You had me at the Jung quote. Reading further, and allowing myself to explore my narcissistic side – thank you for holding up the mirror for me today and thank you for holding me in your heart every day. How’d I get so lucky? To the moon and back. All there is. xoxoxoxoxo

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  2. Beautiful post my dear. We all feel this way at times. We all do. I think that’s why we’re here pounding the keys. We’re looking for answers. And hoping that we help others answer a few of their own questions.

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    1. Thank you..you’re so right. The price we pay for our humanity, and why we search in our own ways. And if we do happen to provide an answer to a question – how lucky are we?

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  4. OH Mimi. My ‘Twinky’ blogging buddy! YOU inspire me. I suffer from anxiety off and on and I constantly use affirmations. Yes I so understand the words, “work in progress”. I often say that about myself. Thanks for this beautiful post. Big hugs. Renee 🙂 Have a wonderful day. YOU ROCK!!

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    1. Hi Twinkle..(I do like that so much better for you – it somehow feels right)…Thank you so much for the inspiration you send my way – for it is huge. I’m more than at home in the world of anxiety – if I didn’t work so hard at it, you could call me ‘Xanax girl’ – but I prefer to talk myself down from the ‘what if..’ ledge as often as possible. We are all works-in-progress…we just have to include enough care and love for ourselves as we move forward…And honestly, I think YOU rock..hugs, m

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      1. Thank you so much. YOU are such a great lady. Your friends are so blessed to know you. Have a terrific day. 🙂

  5. Sometimes it is the questions that hold the most insight, and you ask some of the best questions possible…

    Absolutely adore this: “You are so incredibly worthy and deserving of all the happiness that you seek. And you’re going to find it. I wish I could tell you that it’s located on aisle six of the supermarket, next to the shaving cream. On sale with no coupon needed. The good news is that the cost isn’t prohibitive. The less-than-good-news is that it’s where we seldom choose to look. Step inside yourself for a minute. What do you see? ”

    All I can say is …thank you [and please get some sleep!]

    xoxo

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  6. I know it will come as no surprise, dear friend, that this post resonates with me in a BIG way. I love my friends so fiercely and would do anything for them, but all too often, it’s inexplicably difficult to extend this same love and protection to *myself*. Crazy, just crazy. Your admonitions to love oneself as much as you love your best friends are wise, M, and well taken.

    And as for you, my dear, *you are* truly wonderful, worthy and important…NEVER doubt that.

    “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

    xoxox, L

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    1. If you promise me that you will whisper that quote to yourself in the morning, I promise that I will whisper it to myself as well. Love you Lori..xox

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  8. You, my lovely Mimi, are an amazing woman. I pray that the woman you see in the mirror everyday is the woman I see with my (virtual) eyes…I thank my lucky stars every day that I get to say “THAT WOMAN is a friend of mine and she loves me for me and I love her for her.”

    I GET this from the bottom of my feet to the tip of my head. Today the journey of ‘me’ began in earnest and it’s so appropriate that I read the words of Mim to back it up!

    I love you and guess what? I love me…enough to say “I love and care for all in my life, but it’s now time to open the door of ‘me’…but don’t go away, I’ll be right back…only better”. xoxoxo

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    1. And that is why you are the WW and I am the SK..because you are affirmatively doing what you need to do to take care of you. No one’s going to go anywhere kiddo – we’re all going to be here while you’re spending a little time behind the door..xoxo

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  10. Ah Mimi, you have such a beautiful touch on words. You make magic with them. I do remember all to well the “only If” time of my life. I learned some much from it but only after I had moved forward. Love the post and take care 🙂

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  12. This is a magnificent post…
    Of all the trials and tribulations of my own past year, i have come to the realisation that it has afforded me the glorious opportunity of discovering and knowing my self “and to remember that I’m more ok than I probably think I am”.
    Thanks for re-affirming that.

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    1. Though I am sorry it has been a year of trials and tests, how wonderful to hear your affirmation of who you are. I have no doubt you’re right – you are way more ok than you probably believe you are.

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  13. Wonderfully stated Mimi. It’s interesting that self-care and self-respect are many times misunderstood and mislabeled. It one doesn’t care or respect one self, then one can’t ever care or love others fully. Thanks again.

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  15. Thank you, Mimi, for reminding us how to love ourselves. Once we can do that it is so much easier to live our lives to our fullest and to help others do the same. Xo

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    1. Believe me Fran – I am reminded so often when I read your blog and others about the priority of keeping your eyes ever upward and occasionally inward..;-) xo

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