Category: mindfulness

friendship, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

Thankful Thursday Thoughts

mimijk

 Today may very well be the day when you choose to open your eyes to one new experience, thought,  and/or moment in time, that you previously  hesitated to see.  Today you may break free from the ties that have bound your senses and enhance your life a gazillion-fold just by untying those figurative binds that have precluded you from reaching, daring, touching another soul in need.  That’s what makes today so magical – anything can happen.  And I hope you let it happen.  And then I hope you tell me what your day brought you in return.

friendship, humor, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Gimme A Hug

mimijk

People who don’t know how to hug.  This is a pet peeve of mine.  It’s more than a pet peeve, it can be a deal breaker.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the Hollywood ‘air’ kiss?  Well there’s an ‘air’ hug too.  I’m sure you’ve felt it – or more accurately, haven’t.  Someone leans his/her upper body into yours, vaguely placing one arm within breathing distance of your back and perhaps patting your shoulder.  I realize this isn’t very generous of me, but I jump to some pretty quick conclusions about people who don’t know how to hug – really hug (a caveat – I am culturally aware enough to know that in some places around the world, open affection like this is not common practice – you lucky people are exempted from my gross conclusion-jumping, which I know is wrong, but I do anyway – sometimes).

– I think you’re emotionally self-protective

– I think you’re not comfortable in your own skin

– I think I’m going to spend most of our time together trying to knock down your walls

– You’re missing out on one of the most renewing, reaffirming, loving gestures in the world

–  You don’t like me

– You’re not into nurturing

I could go on, but I won’t.  You know how much I dislike a lot of negative redundancy (positive redundancy however, is completely ok).  There is nothing in the world that feels as wonderful as a really good, wrap-your-arms-around-someone-with-all-you’ve-got-hug.  When the boys were little, we would often drive up to Westchester to see my parents.  My dad was their primary male role model – and he filled this role with enthusiasm.  He would come into the driveway as I was extricating the boys from their car seats, and they would start yelling for the “boa constrictor”.  They’d all run into the house and dad would sit down at the first opportunity and the boys would stand in front of him as he slowly  began to coil his arms around them, one at a time.  “And now” he would say, “the mighty boa constrictor winds his way around his prey”.  The boys would start to giggle and put their arms around his neck mimicking him “and I’m the boa constrictor…!”.  Slowly they would squeeze each other until their laughter dissolved the embrace, dad kissing their baby cheeks, each boy giving himself completely over to these powerful hugs.  The memory makes me cry – sadness yes, but I can feel their delight.  That man knew how to hug.  My friend Jo is an amazing hugger – she hugs so well that though we see each other rarely, I feel her hugs all the time.  Lori writes with hugs in her words – I want to learn how to do that.

I want to feel a hug so I can carry it with me.  Hugs send a message – a message of love and delight, of support and friendship, of spirit and life.  Hugs make you laugh, they can prompt your tears.  They help explain our humanity.  They let us throw our arms wide open to the world and then hold onto something so we don’t fly away, carried by the sheer magnitude of it all.  I hope you get a hug today – and I hope you give one.  Hold on with both arms.  Put your heart into it.  Tell me you don’t walk away feeling that much more connected to something wonderful.  Feels pretty terrific doesn’t it?  I told you.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, mindfulness

Tuesday Morning’s Two Cents

mimijk

It’s 3:15 in the morning – a ridiculous hour to be doing anything other than sleeping or sitting outside listening to the night breathe.  Here was my first thought when I came into the kitchen…

Fortunately, we had some…

And this was my second thought (that’s not true, it was more like the ninth or tenth) that I wanted to share with you before you begin your terrific Tuesday..
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but that person you keep conjuring in your head?  It’s an avatar in an alternative universe.  That person that all of us see and marvel about?  That’s you.  Believe me.

More later – I’m off to the porch with my coffee.

inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Taking Chances With Success

mimijk

Hi all…please join me out here on this branch..careful, I don’t want you to fall as you consider just how much you’re willing to ante up at work.

There was a fascinating article in the New York Times this past Sunday about Dov Seidman, CEO of the company LRN.  The mission of LRN is intriguing to HR nerds like me – helping companies “inspire principled performance in their operations”.  Pretty cool, don’t you think?   He has written a book (which I have not yet read) titled, “How:  Why How We Do Anything Means Everything”.  In short, he has taken his company in a surprising and challenging direction – developing a form of self-governance that boldly eliminates many of the sacred cows that few have ever dared to sacrifice.  He threw out the org chart, eliminating titles (but for his).  The structure is as flat as possible, with authority and decision-making viewed as part of their shared, collaborative mission.   There are no titles; performance reviews for each employee are completed by a personally selected group of reviewers and a mentor. Self-evaluations include perspective on performance as well as a score.  Employees are “trust[ed] to weigh the feedback they collect into their own ratings”.  All of these scores are published internally.  Vacation time is unlimited – presuming that people will be candid and plan their time off with an appreciation for their colleagues and the good of the organization.  Management committees do exist, though my sense is that there are a very discreet few.  In an effort to reflect his commitment to transparency, Seidman opened his own review for comments from anyone who wanted to offer his/her views, and published his own assessment along with all the others.

He feels that empowering employees is a hierarchical phenomenon, and fuels supervisory power rather than individual initiative and commitment.  His approach is to give each employee as much ownership over their career as possible.  After completing a study of companies world-wide, he acknowledges that few companies are practicing self-governance.  And, he admits that the process within his own organization is far from complete, and has been “enlightening, frustrating, nerve-racking, authentic and urgent”.

There are many companies that give lip service to such ideology, and place questionable value on walking the walk defined by their mission statements.  Whether you are a department head, chief officer, vice-president, king…doesn’t matter.  What do you think about the pros and cons of such a daring premise?  Could you do it?  Would you do it?  What would it take for you to step out on a limb and try something totally new to see if it flies?  I am most  impressed by Seidman’s efforts to be authentic in the workplace, to ensure that his personal philosophy is in sync with his professional environment and do more than shake the tree, but actually climb.

 

friendship, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Trying To Wrap My Arms Around Time…

mimijk

…and I can’t.  Yesterday was one of those days where time and I faced off in the ring.  As I made every effort to grab it, time was bobbing and weaving like Muhammed Ali (oh, the irony of how this metaphor dates me in and of itself), coming near and taunting me, daring me to bring it and then sprinting out of my grasp.  I understand why I’d never make it as a boxer – over and above my true abhorrence of being rewarded for knocking someone’s brains loose,  I’d lose each match, for I think I’d keep my gloves up and my eyes closed.

I had lunch yesterday with a woman who used to work at the firm.  She was a manager in the DC office – exceedingly talented and funny with professional ambitions that extended beyond the walls of a branch office.  When I last heard from her she was heading to NY for a larger position in another well-known law firm.  She was on her way.  That we re-connected is a wonderful surprise.  And when she told me that it had been seven years since we last saw each other, I was stunned.  Seven years??  In seven years, lives change.  She survived cancer, wrote a book, moved back to the DC area, is happily employed as the administrator for a smaller firm where she runs the operational ship.  Her face still lights up when she speaks about her husband and family, she looks wonderfully the same and now has four cats instead of the two I remember.  The niece and nephews who were still small children when we last spoke, are in the process of leaving from, attending and moving on after college.  Excuse me?  When the heck did all of this happen?  I realize that time stands still for no man, but surely it would slow down for a woman – right?  Just kidding…

Later in the afternoon, I spent close to two hours speaking with a woman who was my closest friend in high school and college.  She was a bridesmaid at my first wedding (I’m not going there – the wedding, that is).  Our last sighting was close to thirty years ago.  Thirty years…decades of years cascading upon each other.  She still has a laugh like a song.  Her voice has the timber of someone who has had her share of weight to carry as an adult (see my earlier post about the increasing baggage we carry as we get older).  Her life experiences have been varied, rich and happily more love-filled than not, though the times of ‘not’ were profound and etched tattoos that not everyone can see.  I saw them – for even after thirty years I know her voice, could see her face and remember her courage and singular, determined spirit.  We spoke of our respective lives today – husbands, children, careers.  We tentatively went back to Jackson Heights – our friends, our parents – my memories of her mom and dad are as clear as glass – I see them in their apartment, at school events.  Her mom wore Pucci (not sure if they were derivative – probably not, but either way, I loved the colors), deep, alluring voice, perhaps a bit tempermental – nonetheless, she’d come home and endure our singing to Laura Nyro and James Taylor.  Her dad was elegant, soft-spoken and very tall.  I remember he always seemed to look amused by the two of us.  That’s probably right – we were a pretty amusing duo, even if we did take ourselves very seriously.

We will speak again and see each other at some point.  We are both in no small part who we once were, and connect to that understanding with a familiar comfort that few get to re-visit.  Certainly there are new loves and layers and priorities – life has happened in between these years.  And that has me a little turned around this morning.  So much life has happened.  So much time has passed.

Another blogger celebrated her 25th birthday yesterday and was struck by how quickly she had arrived on the brink of being a grown up.  I get it – even though I regard her disbelief with a smile, for she has so many more years of being tricked by time.  The moments fold into each other with increasing speed, days and weeks pass and though we can live wholly and fully, we can’t hold time.  And yesterday I wanted to hold it, just for a minute – look it in the eye and implore it to please, please slow down.  I need a moment to take this all in with nothing else happening in the interim, while I stop and look with wonder at all that has happened over the years.  All that inconsequential stuff that passed in a day that I didn’t notice, and that in retrospect make up huge, life-changing events.  I don’t want to chase time, it is clearly out-pacing me.  I just want to hold it still for a moment and ask what the rush is all about.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

So Many Lessons, Not Enough Time

mimijk

It has certainly been an afternoon rife with instruction.  I sit here before you a far brighter soul than I was this morning (ok, I’m looking at a computer screen, but that didn’t sound nearly as wise).  How much can one learn in an afternoon?  Prepare to be amazed..

1.  Do not try and untangle the vacuum cleaner hose in a swimming pool while it’s on.  Definitely do not do this right before you are heading out the door.  Unless you like driving in wet clothes, in which case – please invert this lesson and go right ahead and try this regularly.  You will get the result you seek.  That said, you could also just hop into the shower after you’ve got your clothes on, make-up done and hair dried – it will serve the same purpose..

 Although this isn’t a picture of me, the resemblance is uncanny.  I will say, that if you can do this while your dogs are happily barking at said dancing vacuum, or better yet, while you have people around watching you wrestle  – even better.

2.  My sister can still silence me with one sentence.  This time it was (I’m paraphrasing) ‘the one who drives the narrative, drives the response’.  Now you tell me – how lyrical is she?  How smart?  Yeah I know I have typical younger-sister-syndrome – I think she rocks the world every which way the world can be rocked, but come on – who comes out with stuff that good off the top of their heads?  The good news for me is that we’re genetically connected, so I may come up with something like that without a script or an edit one of these days.

3.  Laughing over lunch with a new friend is the best way to spend part of an afternoon.  Perhaps sitting outside when it’s ridiculously hot and humid isn’t the best idea, but if you’re both glowing it makes it okay.

4.  While we were away, I was given ‘The Commentator Award’ by the very inspirational and candid author of the blog GenieSpeaks.wordpress.com.  My understanding is that this is an acknowledgement of my comments when she posts.  She makes it easy – I enjoy her blogs and her sheer delight in the world around her.  Travel.Culture.Food.wordpress.com was kind enough to give me ‘The Sunshine Blogger’ award.  If you ever want to be transported visually and carried away in your daydreams, visit this blog.  You will enjoy the commentary – the exuberance is almost palpable.  I have received this award once before from SimonMarsh.wordpress.com, but have just figured out exactly how to post these images without the assistance of one of my kids or kids-in-law.  If there’s a ‘Really Smart Blogger Award’, I hope no one ever thinks of me as a possible recipient – it would be disingenuous, I think.

5.  I don’t want to minimize this praise, nor diminish the fact that I am continually surprised by such largesse.  I am beyond appreciative and I thank you.  But today I  learned that there aren’t sufficient written alternatives in the English language (or perhaps it’s my limited vocabulary) to express the sheer joy that I have found in this welcoming, forgiving and generous new group of friends.  For I feel that those who read this blog have become my friends.  I look forward to your posts, I run back to the computer to read your comments, some of us have emailed separately, others reblog…And in this way, we continue to get to know each other and show each other who we are without some of the filters that might exist were we to be introduced in person.  I started writing this blog in January – since then it’s been visited by over 10,000 people (presumably most of them have come in error) and there are hundreds of people who are following with intention.  I’m not sure why.  I do know that five months ago I thought I would try this and see where the road led.  It led me to you.  You give me far more than awards – you give me your laughter, your stories, your tears,  your encouragement, your opinions, your perspective, your talent.  Certainly you have given more than I could have asked for or expected.  How do you thank people you feel you know but have never met, for the gift of trust and love and friendship?  This is a meager attempt to express the abundant gratitude and joy that you have given me.  Which leads me to…

6.  There are surprises in each day.  There is krazy karma and indescribable, head-shaking moments of wonder and humility.  And if you know that, no matter how drenched you may get, you’re never all wet.

inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Walking Into Life

mimijk

I think I’ve lived a good deal of my life with my senses on high alert.  When the boys were babies and I was a single mom, I remember sleeping with one ear measuring the rhythm of their breaths, the other attuned to the sounds of the house – I had to be ready, just in case.  I have always been neurotic at work – my silly view that as technology allowed 24/7 availability, I was supposed to be available in every time zone (for we had 33 office around the world).  This made me a very valuable employee in the environment known as ‘Big Law’ – where the bizarre ‘play hurt’ philosophy still drives the billable hour and the head-shaking awe and respect of others.  I’m the person you want in a crisis – no tears, very collected, logical – I’m ready.  Divorce?  Death?  Employment issue?  Performance problem?  Marital angst?  Sick child?  I’m your woman.  I can make it through Whole Foods in fifteen minutes and fill the cart with the proper items.  I don’t love anyone or anything in a half-assed way, and as such I will give it  everything I’ve got – no questions asked.  I have run head long into life – but for the times when I’ve crashed into a wall.

I crashed into a wall when I was diagnosed with this stupid autoimmune disease that makes my joints swell inexplicably, the tendons twisting and rioting without provocation.  When I realized that after too many surgeries I was  going to have to figure out the music that accompanies chronic pain so I could understand the rhythm I’d be dancing too (I hate being off the beat, though I am clearly off-beat).   I didn’t see the wall on Sunday. We were having brunch with our friends who asked about the Jewish ritual of sitting shiva – a seven-day mourning period after the death of an immediate family member.  After seven days in the house, one is supposed to go outside and walk back into life.  I remembered my sister and I doing this after the shiva period for both of our parents.  I couldn’t speak, for the pain of missing my parents was so visceral in that moment.  And I swear to you, for a moment I thought my heart stopped.  Walking back into life.  Walking back into life a person changed forever.

So it was when I retired last year.  No need to re-visit the early days of dissonance, when no notes came together to form a lovely sound.  Suffice it to say, I was opening the door and walking outside, completely unfamiliar with my space in the world.  At first, I walked with purpose – almost defiantly.  At some point I slowed, realizing that I had the chance just to breathe.  I wasn’t driven by urgent need – or my perception of urgent need.  I didn’t need to walk back into life for any reason other than it was my due.  It has taken me months to figure out this new rhythm, embrace the richness of this music and accept that just being me is reason enough to walk into life.  I need not be raising and protecting my delicious boys,  I don’t have to be grieving, I don’t have to be on call for anyone who may need me for reasons which they consider critical (but in retrospect were often pretty self-serving).

The beauty of stopping before you open the door lies in the anticipation of what you will find.  Each day, I now pause.  I close my eyes and open them just to be surprised at what may appear before me.  Goofy?  Perhaps.  A reminder that this is the only moment?  Definitely.

friendship, humor, inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Caffeine Anyone?

mimijk

A post about the joys of coffee?  No – although perhaps a nod to the nectar of the gods, especially as it is being brewed.  I realize that many could argue that there are other olfactory stimuli that parallel the sense of delight that coffee elicits, but I believe you’re wrong (caveat – freshly washed baby smells don’t count).  For all I know it smells way better than it tastes – that first cup of coffee is an experience for all the senses – even ESP – I know what will happen once I begin drinking it.  I will sigh.  My head will begin to realize that I’m awake (my body typically follows, not to worry).  The Sirs fall asleep after their breakfast and give me the privacy and silence to reverently watch the sun come up.  I slowly write my good morning blog and pause every once in a while to make sure it’s making sense.  All of this occurs with the promise of freshly brewed coffee.

I am not an aficionado  – I just like it strong.  I don’t know the difference between crema and foam, the implications of buying beans from the southern corners of Africa or the rain forest  in Brazil.  I grew up believing that Chock Ful O’ Nuts ‘was a heavenly coffee’.  Fine by me – it made it possible to talk to my mom each day, for there was no talking allowed until she had a cup.  We’re packing up to go to the mountains with friends  for the weekend and the only requirement from me?  Coffee.  And half and half.  A mug.  I’m pretty easy..(ok, I’m not easy, but clearly I can be had – how embarrassing).

It occurs to me that I’ve just provided you with two paragraphs on coffee.  Ah well – it’s Friday!  It’s time to take off your big girl and boy pants and get a little crazy, whatever your definition of that may be.  Cannonball into a pool, eat ice cream with sprinkles and a cone and forget the calorie angel sitting on your shoulder – in fact, tell her to give it a rest.  It’s the weekend.  Go outside if you can and find one thing you never noticed before (hint – a new bud on a flowering bush counts), make faces in a mirror (I do this naturally – it amuses me), tickle as many senses as you can just by being exactly where and who you are.  Play.  Hug. Giggle. Revel.  But first – have a cup of coffee.  Happy weekend all..

inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, training, work life

We Should Never Graduate

mimijk

A friend of mine posted this quote on Facebook yesterday (an old friend of recent re-acquaintance).  I couldn’t walk away from my own thoughts about its implications, and my complicity – in both positive and negative ways  – over the years.  You know me well enough to know that I have yet to transcend my own limitations, unable to keep my mind still long enough to even utter a mantra;  I am not about to denounce a material world which has afforded my family a comfortable lifestyle, and some accessories which make my sloppy outfits look well-considered.  In other words, before you jump up in defense of capitalism and financial success as a social definitive – sit down.  I’m not arguing with you.

I am however, absolutely passionate about my belief that learning is a lifelong exercise, and organizational leaders are in the position to educate all the time.  I’ll go a step farther – they have an imperative to educate.  And with that in mind I have got to ask you – what are you teaching?  Does your department, company, organization commit to moral management or success-at-any-cost?  Are you developing people’s abilities to complement their career progression or are you focused on the immediate needs which you find critical to meet?  Are we defining our own personal success primarily by the amount of money we make (with the caveat that we are earning what we need to and perhaps a bit more)  or are there any other markers that we value as much?  More importantly, do we inculcate that philosophy to the people that we are charged with developing and growing?

What are the stories of compassion that balance the perpetual theme of acquiring stuff?  How well-rounded are the people we know and work with?  Where do the paths of wisdom and management-speak meet?  I may not be articulating this well – I am trying to avoid the cliché of saying that we all do the right thing everyday, and instead suggest that compassion, morality, critical thought are as essential to the development of a thriving workforce than any other issues of which we speak.  And it takes thought and planning and commitment to the larger theme of lifelong education.  Challenging our children, our friends, ourselves to consider where we are placing our priorities as we enter in and out of the chapters of our lives.  That to me, is what reading the whole book is all about.

inspiration, life lessons, love, mindfulness

Making Up For Lost Time

mimijk

I’m not exactly sure how one does that – make up for lost time.  Perhaps one begins by recognizing that future moments must be met with arms wide open and an abandon that we typically temper with reason.  While I was away I received two blogger awards which I wanted to acknowledge in a separate post, because both of these women are so remarkable that their stories deserve more mention than I could provide in yesterday’s posts.

I received the One Lovely Blogger Award from the remarkable woman who writes the blog workthedream.com.  danLrene is a woman with remarkable spirit and humor – despite or maybe because of – significant physical challenges that she refuses to use as definitions for who she is.  She realized her dream of living in the mountains and her journey often left me shaking my head with wonder and respect.  On her post is a quote which typifies her beliefs – ‘dare to dream of a greater thing than you can imagine’.  With bright red leg brace, portable oxygen unit and a heart that probably is larger than the mountain range itself, she moves forward with spirit and generosity.  I am humbled that she would find the time to read my blog, let alone accord me with such an acknowledgement.

The Illuminating Blogger Award was graciously given to me by Dr. Sherry Showalter who pens a blog titled keepinitreal.com.  Dr. Sherry is a spiritual wonder woman.  With a PhD and L.C.S.W, she has devoted her life to providing caregiving and advocacy for patients and families coping with loss, death and bereavement.  Serendipitously, I won her book “Healing Heartaches” in a random drawing – though I wonder now whether it was truly happenstance.  Her blog is a free form, stream of conscious shout-out to life and her loving exuberance demands that you smile – she will not settle for less.  The post she wrote in which she acknowledged my blog, was really more about a young man who is no longer receiving treatment for his terminal illness. I was riveted and sad and thankful that he has the power of Dr. Sherry with him.   He is a remarkable spirit and I wept for his impending journey and his family who are facing this reality with him.  Her compassion and passion envelop each word and each request that we hold this child in our thoughts.  Interestingly, this post was more formally written than usual – and appropriately so.  I think of him each morning and send up a little prayer.   Dr. Sherry is part Native American spiritual healer, part good ol’ girl from southern Virginia (and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways) and all live-affirming energy.

I know there are rules to these awards, but somehow inconsequential factoids about me seem to dilute the stories of both of these women.  This post is for them –  remarkable women who have entered my life through their words, spirit and wonder.  And I am very, very grateful to them both.

friendship, inspiration, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Which Way Wednesday – You Choose

mimijk

I love this story, having heard and read it many times before.  You probably have too.  The imagery put me off a little at first – using wolves as the metaphor for our two inner selves.  I associate wolves with aggressiveness,  fearlessness and a very hostile reaction to Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother, despite my awareness that they are also nurturing, protective and inclined to stay with their pack.  So retrospectively – it seems the analogy is perfect, doesn’t it?

We choose everyday.  Certainly in the law firm environment in which I worked, I saw far more self-serving behavior than anything else.  The intensity of the competition, the race to be the best, the ego needs that demanded assuaging, the unspoken reality that you ‘eat-what-you-kill’.  The challenge – which was honestly fun to accept – was choosing to remain part of the firm’s collective conscience.  Did I do this perfectly?  Absolutely not.  Was the lure of inferiority nipping at my heels – you’re kidding, right?  This is me.  Of course it did.  And did I act at times out of anger?  Yes although probably more in a passive aggressive way, because in that regard I’m wrapped pretty tight.

This isn’t about me though – it’s about you.  Do you realize the elements within you that aren’t aligned – the ‘ fight’ if you will for emotional sustenance, attention and control that wrestles within you?  Certainly it is far preferable to feed the goodness, cultivate it, share it – make it the stronger part of who you are, so that you look upon the end of each day as one you lived well.  Sometimes though, we do feed the wrong elements of our being – do you know when you’re doing it?  When at work?  At home?  How does it reinforce the perception that others have of you?  Thoughts for a Wednesday morning, considerations for a lifetime?  Choose well today my friends and make it a good day.