anxiety, friendship, grandparenthood, leaving home, life lessons, love, mindfulness, moving, Uncategorized

Lost In Thought


How have you been?  I have been remiss in writing to you timely; the thoughts in my head refused to make themselves apparent when I sat down at my laptop.  True, I could have sent you some jumbled, free-form excuse for a post, but you would have seen right through it.

“Wandering and confused, lost to myself, ill-assorted, contradictory, pausing, bending and stopping” — Nicholas Sparks

Yeah, I’m good…thanks..

So – we have moved.  Not just around the corner – go big or go home – we moved to another state.  Renting a lovely little house until our new home gets built.  Ostensibly, this should be completed before the end of the year, but something tells me that’s a concoction of hope combined with good intentions.  Looks delicious to drink, with a surprisingly bitter after-taste.

I have found my toothbrush, coffee, hairdryer…the Sirs have found their favorite spots in the backyard, though their enthusiasm is tempered with a bit of anxiety.  Andy discovered his sweatpants, iPad and softest t-shirt.  All that we’re going to unpack for this temporary stay has been unpacked (let’s not talk about how much remains unopened).  I’d say we’ve made progress in a week.

I have found the supermarket, Target and HomeGoods.

I’ve had the delightful company of my almost-six month old granddaughter who discovers the world around her with a contagious delight.  We’re learning as we go.  My appreciation for the warm welcome from my son and daughter-in-law and her family is greater than my facility with the English language permits me to articulate.

So, I promise you it’s all good – remarkable really,  given that we just threw our lives up in the air a week or so ago.  And yet…

I’m so lost right now that if someone pointed the exit to a paper bag, I’m not entirely sure I’d find my way out.  Directions have never been my long suit.  I miss my other son, his wife and yummy daughter, I’ve lost the familiarity of faces that graced my days for years, the enveloping comfort of driving down a street that welcomed me for decades, the subtleties that define ‘home’ and gently imprint themselves on your heart.

Don’t get me wrong – it was time to shake things up.  Learn a new neighborhood rhythm, find alternate ways to embrace being lost and learn how to find one’s self (my GPS never seems to have those coordinates).   Grab onto some newness to life in a way that one is forced to in situations like this.  I’m going to learn how to play the ukulele, start moving these arthritic hips and see if I can at least make them a bit stronger.  Slowly wind my way around the maze of uncertainty and trepidation, bump into some privets along the way…I’m going to sit down and have a good cry some days and I’m going to get up and keep going.  And one day, we’re going to have a new house, and it will shelter new memories, its walls will contain laughter and love, and family get- togethers will be enhanced by the miracles of two little girls who will define their grandparents’ home in ways I can only imagine.

But right now, I need to figure out where the light bulbs are…



44 thoughts on “Lost In Thought”

  1. Ah … you got there! Well done. I have been thinking about you. I am in the middle of the same ‘adventure’ but i am not quite there yet. It has been heart-breaking all this packing in order to leave behind half my life.
    I wish you well in your new area, making new friends, and having exciting new times.

    1. Good luck Elizabeth! I truly know how wrenching it is to pack and purge and start anew. And I also know that when we get through it, there will be wonderful times ahead..

  2. Best wishes, Mimi.
    We are right behind you, moving almost half way accross the country next month. It is exciting, but there is only a fine line between excitement and terror. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey.

  3. So happy to see you back here! Miss your smiling face already, but your writing as always warms me all over. Enjoy the baby and getting to know your new surroundings. You’ve got this!

  4. Welcome back. Dave and I moved every three years. It was never easy and it always seemed to take about six months before I felt truly settled. It was mapquest then. Printed copies. Such excitement when someone called me by name for the first time….it will happen.

    1. Hi Susan…it’s funny – there was a period of six years when I moved eight times. I was younger for sure and had never stayed any place long enough to be rooted. This time however the roots were so deep…but with hope and good fortune, there’s still plenty of time to re-orient and continue growing. The beginning is always a little tricky, I guess..

    1. Thank you so much!! I just talked to Andy, who gently reminded me that it’s highly likely I will always be surprised when I end up where I’m supposed to be!

  5. Dearest Mim…I empathize and most certainly sympathize with the jumble of thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing right now. And say too, that your compass is true in your belief that, when all is said and done, your new ‘news’ (hometown, favorite hangouts, musical talent 😉 and especially, your new, heavily used by little feet, welcome mat at the front door of Grandma and Grandpa’s house), will go a long way in helping you re-find and re-define ‘home’. I’m happy you found your toothbrush and coffee (and I’m assuming you didn’t find them in with the toilet cleaning brush as I did) and can only sigh the sigh of a wife relieved, at the news that Andy has found his own must haves already. The Sirs will take their lead from you, so if you’re okay, they’re okay. So do go out and get lost Mim…though these days of cell phones and GPS take fun out of it. But, you could always leave them at home right? Lol…have some fun my friend…sounds like you could use it before it’s time for the next big (and last!) move. So wonderful to see you…can’t wait for the next drive-by. Forever in my thoughts, always in my heart…xoxo

    1. I know you went through this too WW – and I know that I’ll get my sea legs soon. I take my lessons from the Sirs – once they mark their space, it’s theirs. And though it will be a good few months before I get to make my mark on my new house (so to speak), I am truly grateful that we’re able to begin a new chapter..always in my heart WW, sk

  6. Mimi! So good to see your post, and I hope the new house comes along quickly. Change…that’s a tough one, but one day at a time is perhaps the best way to embrace it.



      1. Home is where ever you are when you are with people you love. Baby steps. You and Sophie will Navigate together. And at the end of the day, the joy is in the journey. EnJOY every deserved minute. Xoxxoxoxo.

  7. Congratulations on your big step into a new world ahead! I’m so jealous, for one day I hope to grow the kind of braveness to just up and move away to a whole new environment. Please keep us updated on your wonderful new world and enjoy those grandkids!!!

  8. Thank you Marquita! An exciting, overwhelming time for sure!! Not sure how brave I feel at the moment, but thank you for your good thoughts!

  9. Hi, Mimi. I reacted to seeing your post listing in my email browser the way many kids react to being offered a favorite candy bar. Thank you for your touching update regarding your great adventures. I missed you. My the pain you experience in having a new home built be greatly outweighed by the gain.

    1. Oh Russ, you are so kind – thank you. Transitions are always bittersweet and I remain hopeful that there is much to anticipate with joy.

  10. Though not leaving our state my family I are in the process of uprooting, renting and building a new home…so much of what you’ve described are many of the thoughts that have crossed my mind. I’m choosing to believe that way is inside of us…

    1. Whether moving far or near, the emotions attached to it are profound and upending. Your eight of course, the way is inside us..thank you for stopping by!

  11. Ahhhh, my precious, precious friend….I know what an unsettling time this has been for you, and my heart has ached at every bump. But I also believe, with every fiber of my being, that you are home and home is you, wherever that is. Your warmth, love, intelligence, generosity of spirit, insights, intuition…they will guide you as you navigate new terrain and find your way in this new place. For all the love, laughter and goodness you leave behind, there is all that and more ahead, of that I am certain. You are love and light and goodness, and peace will find you wherever you journey. Always in my heart, sweet friend. Cannot wait to visit in your new digs…. All there is…xoxo

    1. Can’t wait to see you! And you have witnessed this journey first hand sweetie…gently nudging me back on the road as I veered off course. Thank you for your faith and friendship…all there is..xox,m

  12. Good to see you back! You have completed the (for me) hardest part of the journey — packing and leaving what you know to be home. Now it’s all excitement looking forward. Best of luck.

    1. Thanks Kate! Much will remain packed until our house is built…but I agree, the hardest part was purging and driving away. I’m very lucky we have one set of kids here…

  13. Arthritic hips eh? Arthritic pretty much everything with me! But what a joy to find your post, and to know that a big hurdle has been safely traversed (not bad for arthritic hips!) – and now be able to say “happy new home” – and send you both all imaginable love and encouragement across the ocean. Remember talk of grilled cheese, coffee and reminiscin’? Still on our wish list. Some glad day, dear friend. Some glad, glad day. Keep writing Mimi K. We need you. Damnably inconvenient and undue pressure I know, but we do. Finally, for now, if the new Florence Foster Jenkins (Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant) comes to a movie theatre near your new homestead you absolutely have to go, both of you … and report back afterwards. Love and peace for you, and happy, happy days. S&J xxx

  14. So good to hear from you. Touching post. Felt your heart yelling out and settling in, all at the same time. May you find comfort and joy in the transition, and keep rolling with what each day brings.

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