Dozing Through Life
“The universe is not short on wake-up calls. We’re just quick to hit the snooze button.” – Brene Brown
There are some days when I think I have done absolutely nothing of value and can’t understand how the hours got away from me. At that point my self-talk is particularly harsh – ‘Idiot, you wasted a day’, ‘is this how you define living?’, ‘you have no excuse for such inertia’, ‘what are you waiting for?’ (I did censor these thoughts – I usually throw around a few expletives in my head too).
And even though I self-flagellate with impressive vigor, it’s beginning to dawn on me that I’m missing the point. I’m not snoozing through life – I’m wide awake, acutely aware and learning how to be in this skin without apology. I believe that my senses are calibrated more sensitively than ever before. I can find a chirping wren in the top of a tree, discover the mystery in a song I’ve listened to a thousand times and never really heard. I am increasingly attracted to people who have a curiosity about anything other than their own navels. It dawned on me the other day that there are some people who think of me fondly and/or with friendship and have never asked me anything that would suggest they really had any interest in who I am. And that’s ok – as long as I’m asking myself the questions that matter, I don’t need to be queried. I like inquiring better.
I am aware that life delights in such elemental ways that I can’t wait to wake up in the morning. The rich silence in the pre-dawn hours punctuated by the occasional grumbling of a bullfrog, the decadent smell of fresh coffee and the morning air fresh from the nights’ rain. I’m awake. I’m getting the message – there is no dress rehearsal, so make sure you pick up your cues. Life isn’t waiting for you to begin, it just wants you to notice.