Please note, I didn’t say I love Nabisco – I know nothing about the company, I concede that Oreo cookies are made of few natural ingredients and if consumed in massive quantities may erode one’s digestive track and certainly they can leave embarrassing clues on your teeth if you don’t wash them down with something.
I love Oreos because they don’t fall apart when you dunk them in milk. Oreos are tough, even though the stuff in the middle always stays soft (but never so soft that it falls into your glass mid-dunk). I carried two bags of Double Stuff Oreos in my suitcase when I flew to Riyadh, and not one broke (another story for another day – it was for work, and yes, I looked more than a little ridiculous in an abaya which I kept tripping over because there was no opportunity to get a normally sized one adjusted for a short woman, and blond hair poking out of a hijab didn’t help me achieve anonymity). That says less for my packing skills than it does for the cookies. I’m tellin’ you – Oreos are the unsung heroes of Cookiedom.
And I stand (ok, sit) before you today – the metaphoric Oreo. Yet somehow it doesn’t make me a hero among humankind, so please don’t view this as a flight of egoistic folly.
I’m a pretty tough cookie on the outside (get it? already the parallels begin to present themselves). Retrospectively, it took a pretty tough exterior to pick up an almost two-year old and four-year old and leave a toxic situation and have no job, no support system in the area, and no idea what the tomorrows would hold. What I had was an unbreakable belief that I was going to do right by my babies and figure the rest out later. No heroics here, just survival. And no perfect endings for there aren’t any – I made sure there was an account just to cover their therapy bills (I’m sorta kidding about this guys – there’s no account with some hidden cash in it). And at night when they were asleep, I would sit in their room just to listen to them breathe, because it allowed me to be as vulnerable as they were.
There isn’t a lot of room for the creamy filling on-the-inside when you’re working in a mega-firm either. There’s too much emphasis on the ‘mega’ and my office was the place where people came when they needed to emote, not for me to emote. Compassionate? You bet. Concerned? To a neurotic fault. Invested? To my toes. But if there needed to be a hard-core, put-your-head-down-and-just-keep-going kinda gal – I was pretty damn good at that. Fall apart? Not in front of anyone – that wasn’t part of the equation. Not because I am a woman, because law firms like the ‘play hurt persona’. They like the exterior that won’t fall apart no matter the hours, disaffection or compromised values.
And there’s definitely a need to be Oreo-like if you don’t want people to see that you have a body that is constantly fighting with itself. That’s just way too boring.
I will crack a joke (and they’re often quite good by the way), sound like Pollyanna, and never admit that I’ve lost the part of the sandwich that keeps the icing inside. Yup. Love those Oreos..Someone recently wrote me and said “you know, this is a two-way deal – you can talk to me about what’s going on with you too”. I love her dearly – and find the prospect of such disclosure so hard. I’m better in the other role, the ‘I want to see you happy role’. And you know? I’ve gotta get over this a bit – enough so that I develop enough affection for myself that I can be something other than perpetually ok. And my hunch is you do too (admit it, you’re nodding aren’t you?)
For at the end of the day, I do break like everybody else. I feel slights as much as the next person and though I rarely acknowledge it, can feel completely broken by another’s thoughtless action. Perhaps it’s why I pursue kindness so passionately, maybe that’s why I rail against communication that can be obfuscated and misunderstood – because I don’t want there to be hurt – intentional or unintentional. Petulant and childish – I know. But maybe there is something to it. I can be a tough cookie when it comes to dealing with the curve ball that can be thrown when one’s health is always compromised; when a crisis arises, I want me there; if someone needs another to have his/her back – turn around – I’m there. I have to learn that sometimes it’s important to ask someone else to have mine.
So when all is said and done…and I occasionally look at the losses or the hurts, the foul plays and the cheap shots, the downs that have to accompany the many ups – I realize that perhaps it’s time to develop an affection for another type of carb…I think at core, I am really…a Twinkie. And I think, I’m going to be ok with that, though I’ll probably have to go to the gym more often.
Waiting for the Karma Truck 
LOVE this! — I spent my whole life being strong because I thought that was what was required. Someone pointed out a while back that they like me better when I allow myself to be vulnerable. They can relate to vulnerable – or rather perhaps real. It’s just a matter now of learning where I can be my twinkie self and where oreo is better suited. Great post!
Exactly Deana!! I’m clearly learning that too!!
Mimi–I love the vulnerability in this. Okay, I also love Oreos, but you have just given me another reason to love them–for their metaphorical sweetness.
And if we love them metaphorically, then they’re low in calories too! 🙂
Hee hee–yes!
I am now touched and hungry – only you could do that! 😉
Right – so go eat something honey!!
I like this plan but now I want Oreos… (and you think I am kidding but I’m not) 😉
Go for it Joanna!! And eat one for me – I can’t have them on my diet (damn)…:-)
You always amaze me Mimi,you have lived one full life! See you in less then three Weeks ! Eeks
I’m so looking forward to your visit!! Finally!!!
you have my full respect mims takes a strong woman to make that decision you are stronger than me and i admire you greatly
i understand (we are the same that way and i love that )
i adore that picture of that dog!
and
they always say you cant choose your family but they are wrong because i choose you as my sister, the sister i always wanted
loves you mims
🙂
Oh kizzylee, thank you for choosing me..I feel very special at the moment my dear – because of you. And I don’t think you can underestimate how strong you are. You are without a doubt one of the mightiest souls I’ve ever met…love you too…me
Another beautiful heartsong, M! You are a source of strength and inspiration for so many, I’m glad that you’re realizing that it’s absolutely OK to need a helping hand or a little ‘defensive lineman or woman’ behind YOU sometimes as well. “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle Love you, my friend….
Thank you sweetheart – and all you say is true. You have done more than you know to help advance my understanding, for you always seem to know when not to let me off the hook (in a good way)…On a separate note, how do you just have the best quotes at your fingertips on a moment’s notice? Another reason why you continue to amaze me…on so many levels..Love you, m
I’m honored that I could help, my friend. I am *always* here for you. And I’m glad that you like the quotes. It’s a ‘thing’ with me–I love finding *just* the right quote that will *eloquently* say what I’m trying to spit out. 🙂 One day I’ll let you in on my secret, grasshopper…. xoxoxox
Oh sensai, I wait at your feet for this lesson – for you excel at this skill!!! As you excel at so much…friendship being right at the top of the list..xoxo
well written and I can relate in so many ways – makes me feel better reading this
That’s wonderful! I’m so glad!!
Love love this! I swear you speak the words I need to hear with every post! Absolutely wonderful!!!
You advocate with such valor for Tuck, and your love and passionate devotion to him is nothing short of magical. If this gives you any support whatsoever, my day is made!
You are a beautiful Twinkie!
Nodding, nodding…nodding.
And what you said over at my place earlier..nope. It’s you, all you. I can’t think of anyone who could say this any better…and as my chem teacher would say…’just nod your head yes…”
xoxo
Whoever your chem teacher was, s/he has me laughing out loud. I hear you Bon, I swear I do..but I am grinning from ear to ear..xox
Mimi, this is beautiful. I imagine you are highly adaptable. That during that Once Upon a Time, you needed to be an Oreo. And now you see that a Twinkie might be a a better fit. It is the transition that is hard. My favorite yoga teacher says that you find the most room for growth in the transitions. I think it is both physical and metaphorical. Change. Grow. Be who you authentically are now.
Happy Tuesday, friend.
Thank you Christine…I wish I had come up with a healthier analogy, for I doubt that your yoga teacher would approve of my references to Oreos and Twinkies…:-) But yes, authenticity is a fluid concept, and it’s time to morph into something new…
Keep grinning, my dear, and nodding. It’s true.
I on the other hand, would adamantly, like a toddler, shake my head no at Mr. B’s constant urging that I nod to indicate that I somehow understood the lesson of the day. However, with you, and today’s ‘lesson’, I fully understand and nod my head…I get it. Can I play it out and complete the ‘assignment’ is another story and I am grateful for you sharing this part of you..it helps that part of me. xoxo
How lucky that I was able to write something that helped you too!! And yet, on another level it doesn’t surprise me – which is very very cool..xox
ps. I”m still nodding..
I’m the lucky one, Twinkie! And no, it doesn’t surprise me either which is indeed, very very cool!
Keep nodding! 😀 xo♥
I will 🙂 Though at some point, I will have to stop because I’m going to get dizzy…xox<3
Ok, fair enough! I don’t want that!! Just smile… 🙂
Done! 🙂
Perfect! 🙂
Another beautiful post Mimi. YOU are amazing! Happy Tuesday “you little Twinkie”. ha ha. That just came out, no offense please, just being silly. Love your words. 🙂 Renee
Laughing – no offense taken…you can call me Twinkie any time you want, and I know it is said with affection….
🙂
YOU bet it is! 🙂 We must always at least have a good sense of humor hey.
I meant to add! I was trying to put a video on my post and I couldn’t. ha ha. I was thinking, “Oh if only Mimi was here she would show me how. I remember your post when you figured it out and how happy you were. I will learn how, soon too!! If Mimi can. I can too! Right! 🙂
You can – Oh Renee, if this Twinkie can do it, you most definitely can do it!! If ‘copy the url’ means anything to you (which it didn’t to me), it will happen for you with far less effort!! Good luck! 🙂
YOU have me laughing out loud and no one is here but me. Okay Twinkie. lol.. I do know what “copy the url” means but I didn’t know where to put it. ha ha. I will get it figured out later hopefully. 🙂
When you go to upload pictures, click on the second tab which will bring you to a screen where you can type in the url address…Oh, now I’m laughing out loud cause I can’t believe I’m sitting here trying to tell you how to do this – I’m probably totally screwing up the instructions!!
lol We are too funny. I will try it out later. It makes sense on where you told me to click. I will let you know kay. Have a good afternoon. 🙂 Thanks so much.
Love it Mimi, all while I was reading it I kept thinking, nope I certainly am not a tough cookie, more like a Twinkie! And yes the gym certainly does help 🙂
Well Tina, if we’re gonna be Twinkies, the gym is a requirement! 🙂
Oreo or Twinky, you’re sure are one tough woman. Wow. Love this post. Your posts are always full of enthusiasm, fun and energy, yet always with deep message. Can’t get enough of your blog, Mimi.
Thank you so much Joanna – it means so much to me to think that you enjoy the blog. And yes, I think I’m probably more of a Twinkie at heart – but I arguably look more like an Oreo (which is why I need to keep going to the gym!) hugs, me
Just so you know, I NEVER allow myself to eat more than one bag of oreo’ cookies at a time, gotta use restraint.
That shows laudable willpower and self-control!!! Good for you! 🙂
It’s your inner Oreo that tugs at my heart strings and it’s your vulnerability and self-awareness that keep me in awe of you and the “karma”, if you’ll allow me, that led our lives to connect, intersect and travel parallel roads at times. I am so touched by this. Beautiful job of letting the reader see your strength – evident in so many posts- coupled with the vulnerability that also makes up the fabulous mimijk. Took a lot of courage to reveal the inner Oreo. I am so proud to be your friend and privileged to be part of the journey we call life. Love you, kiddo!
Our reunion was definitely karma Jo – the universe decided it was time for both of us to receive a gift. I’m not so sure about the courage – sometimes it seems more crazy than brave. But the inner mush? Definitely Twinkie-worthy, underneath it all. Love you too, me
damn, i thought an oreo was a baltimore baseball team
Laughing – oh my Kyle, so much to explain, so little time…Though, on second thought a baseball team with Oreo cookies as its logo might be very entertaining..
Oh Mimi, this is a fantastic post – let your inner Twinkie shine!
Well Andrea, I think now that I’ve opened the package, it’s pretty much a guarantee that this little Twinkie is out of the bag (so to speak)…:-)
I have never tried Oreo cookies and yes you can buy them here in Aus but I have never tried them I don’t eat a lot of biscuits………..this post did bring a smile to my face though thank you for that it has made my morning a little more happier………but before I go I have to say what is a a Twinkie we don’t have them here…………lol
I’m sorry Joanne! A Twinkie is an oblong piece of soft sponge cake (with enough preservatives in them so they never become hard) with icing in the middle! I’m glad you enjoyed the post despite my failure to provide a definition!
This post really spoke to me. There have been times in my life when the tough exterior held me up and together, but somewhere along the way, i grew too dependent on that shell. Learning how to let go and share the soft gooey stuff is hard, but so worth it!
Your posts are always so creative. I really relate to what you’re saying about feeling you have to put up that face and be ‘perpetually okay’. It’s easy to be a tough cookie, and much harder to show the soft, vulnerable center. It takes courage to be authentic with your emotions and it’s an admirable quality!
Thanks very much!! It certainly takes me outside of my comfort zone – a place I’ve lived for most of my life. It is a process – as are all things worth doing – and a challenge – which I really want to overcome. So Twinkies unite! 😉
Maybe a twinkie, but you’re my twinkie, and I’ll cover your soft side.
Thank you Andy, but I think that soft side needs to see the sun…so maybe you can just help me get it out in the light of day?
Twinkie? Really now Mimi. Move up the food chain. You ain’t no Twinkie.
Laughing…souffles are too runny on the inside, meringue pies offer too many consistencies, a multi-layered cake is intimidating…I fear the highly preservative laden Twinkie is my best option. And it’s fodder too, because when the time comes when I once again provide a doltish response to one of your posts, you can call me a ‘Total Twinkie’
I love this, just love it. I love the cookie metaphor too. Oreos are one of my guilty pleasures too and so true they don’t crumble that easily. Found your blog through Ivan’s posts. 🙂
Thank you so much – for the kind words and for stopping by!! I follow Ivon regularly – he is one of my favorite bloggers!
I’ve seen you in action my friend and you are a smart, strong, loving and very funny cookie. I love my Oreos, but you’re pretty delicious too!
Aw Jill – it’s cause you’re biased (thankfully)…hugs, m