Where are my words

My dear friend,

We exchanged emails last night – and now I’m without adequate words.  This post will not do anything justice, and yet…I feel like there’s so much I want to say.

I’m sitting in my little office, surrounded by pictures of my family – parents who I miss daily, Andy, my boys who are now men, daughters-in-law, granddaughters.  This is where I feel most comforted, most bewildered, most loved.  I have one of your photographs framed here too.  An abundance, truly.  It can make my heart hurt.  I whisper “thank you, thank you” throughout the day.  I can think of no better mantra.

We’ve never met, yet I feel like we’ve known each other for years.  How do I console you when I am literally across the ocean?  How do I begin to articulate to you – a man of faith and family, deep love and incredible grace – that I have an ache deep within that exists with yours.  How I pray for a miracle, even though I know that you and your wife have made peace with something I am railing against.  Yours is one of those once in a lifetime loves – and though I believe it transcends time, I want you both to celebrate it together forever.  Petulant, I know.  Selfish, I agree – for this is not about me at all.

I pause to look once more at your magical new grandson, as he is held with some distractedness by his toddler sister.  Her eyes are luminous, filled with some whimsy and a little mischief.   You are literally in the midst of the alpha and the omega.  One struggles with this most profound of extremes.  Yet, you sent me peace last night.  How can that be?  In your deepest sorrow, you offered me gratitude for feeling the telepathic connection that has caused us to write each other out of the blue for a few years now.  How can that be?

Cherished friend, I wish you peace.  I am thankful that your faith is deep and your family surrounds you.  I wish your beloved wife time…time to delight in your love and the love of her children.  I wish she could stay.  What can I say, I’ve never been one for small wishes when it comes to those I hold so close in my heart.  Needless to say, I’ll check in again soon, perhaps with better words – though that’s unlikely.  What can one say when there are no words?  Only these random murmurings.   Much love..xx

40 thoughts on “Where are my words

  1. Ahh, honey, such thoughtful reflections, words that I *know* communicate the power of your love and grace across the miles, for I feel myself on a daily basis. As you point out, in these situations words seem terribly inadequate, but to the degree they can serve as vehicles for the love and compassion in our hearts, they must suffice. Joining you in your sorrow and the feelings of love being telegraphed towards these dear individuals….

  2. Sending healing hugs to you Mimi and to your friend. I know how much we bond with cherished friendships even though we’ve never met in person. Your authentic self shines in your letter and I send prayers for healing to all. Thanks for being you xo

  3. I like to think the universe assigns us angels to help us through our darkest hours. Sometimes an angel can come to us from the most unexpected places. Just so happens in this case you both are one of each others angels, which is always a blessing. Keeping you all in my prayers, that peace may prevail over pain for us all. ღ

    • Hi Mark…I too believe that I have angels around me, and this friend is certainly one. If I can be close to that for him, then again, how fortunate am I. Thank you for your loving thoughts…m

  4. Your words are chosen with such empathy and understanding, They touch me deeply. Thank you for bringing this powerful feeling into being for us to experience together 💕

  5. Here’s another piece of the triangle at the end of a long day full of presence and extraordinary light. I’m not sure which bit of our triangle – except to say that I’m the bit that knows that the other two bits are what enables me to be part of the triangle!

    Oh, dear ones, if you could know how thankful we have been for you today. ‘… do more to help’ …?

    I’ve said before: ‘tis the love that makes for our enough.’

    Thank you, with all our hearts. And thank you to all and for all who have written hereunder too xx

  6. Just jumped online, as I needed a WordPress fix. Choosing to stop by a few blogs that have always amazed and moved me. Thus, being here. But you’re not, at least as far as I can tell. I miss your posts, Mimi, that so often tug at our heartstrings and invite us to both reflect and count our friendship blessings. I wish you love and light wherever you are; hopefully in close proximity to your family.

    • Eric, the universe graced me with your words, with timing that is more than serendipitous. To keep a tortuously long story short, I have been ill, and with a hip replacement on Tuesday, will hopefully begin long term healing. The journey here has been months in the making, and involved hospital trips and tests that consumed my time and enthusiasm – replaced with fear and anxiety.
      Reading your words filled me with joy and delight – and I’ve been in short supply of late. Thank you with all my heart, thank you. I will be back soon, I hope and expect. With much love and gratitude, mimi

      • Serendipitous indeed, Mimi. I am saddened to learn of your being ill. However, I see a glint of promise in your hip replacement news. I had my left hip replaced on July 2nd. A much longer story shorter here, all went fabulously well. I, too, was filled with trepidation pre-surgery as there were high probability complications looming. In the final pre-op hours I simply let go and surrendered everything to my Creator. And He blessed me with a perfect surgery and prompt recovery. I’m having the right hip replaced on 1/21/19!

        And… I depart in two weeks for Safari in a Kenya.

        Sorry, I didn’t want to make this about me. What I do want though is to extend the offer to reach out to me post-surgery. I have both positive and humorous perspectives that I’d be more than happy to share with you. I even have leftover Oxycodone, as I weaned myself off that stuff pretty quickly. 🤪

        Please stay strong and be okay with shedding some of your anxiety. Besides, what purpose does worrying serve? Much love returned.

      • Ironically, my right hip will follow as soon as recovery on my left is complete. Knees are in this too somewhere. And I anticipate having some Oxycodone to voluntarily and happily surrender.
        I promise to stay strong and try to shed the big fears – will you spare some love and/or good healing thoughts on Tuesday? Thank you for checking in – and for being such a wonderful source of light and friendship. Have a magical time in Kenya – how fantastic! 😊

      • Prayers sent on Monday night and on Tuesday. I suspect you’re presently in a drug-induced state of rest, which is good. I don’t anticipate your reading or replying to WP posts. Simply wanted you to know that love and healing light ✨envelopes you. Now, get up and do some walking. 😉

      • Hi Eric – your thoughts have given me light and hope on a dreary day. My surgery has been delayed until Friday or early next week. I developed an infection which showed up in one of the pre-op tests, so I am on antibiotics and hope. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated more than words can say. 😊

  7. Hi Mimi. It’s been a month. I didn’t want to disrupt your recovery thus, silence at this end. I am hopeful you have encouraging news to share as your recover with a new hip! Time permitting, it would be good to hear from you. I trust you had a blessed Hanukkah. Peace and strength your way.

    • Hi Eric, I can’t begin to thank you enough for keeping me in your thoughts. I am very grateful and very blessed. I’m getting better, though I still have a way to go. They ended up replacing both hips during two operations – not what we had anticipated, but became unavoidable as soon as they x-rayed both hips during the first operation. So, a bit of a curveball, but not one that would strike me out.
      I’m home now, with physical therapy three times a week. I’ve graduated to a cane and hope to be driving again in the new year. My walks are increasing in length; arguably they don’t yet qualify as walks, for I am first able to walk to the end of the block! But, every journey begins with a step, right?
      Enough about me – how are you? Where is your wandering spirit taking you next? Are you home for the holidays? I hope this message finds you well and happy, warmed by the best of this season. With gratitude always, m

  8. Warmed and comforted to learn that you are making gradual progress, Mimi. And to your comment, indeed, every journey begins with a step. Even baby steps (often) reflect forward progress. So you are officially now part bionic woman. Bravo! I believe you will find that recovery is much about mind-set and that we heal, physically, in amazing fashion. We simply don’t see this as we are experiencing it first hand.

    Have safely returned from a beautiful Kenyan Safari with some family. Will be heading to South Florida this weekend to share holiday joy with other family members. Whence I return, it’ll only be a couple of weeks before ‘the other’ hip is replaced. Thereafter, who knows where the winds may blow my body and spirit.

    I will continue to keep your health and wellness in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, kiddo, the best is yet to come. 🙂

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