Oxymoron

Hi  my friend,

The night was sleepless and I’m wide awake…and the co-existence of contradictory realities seems to prevail.  I am a contradiction in terms – held together by the small inhalations between words.  You’d think that living within duality would at least offer up some deep slumber at the end of a day.  Ha.

Here’s one for you – I stopped believing in atheism a long time ago (yes, an oxymoron with a little hint of humor).  About the time I stopped writing everything in lower case and pretending that I was a potential hybrid of joni mitchell and e.e. cummings.  That said, I still belief in disbelief, if disbelief equals wonder and incredulity and stuff that’s just really hard to believe.

I believe in God.  I believe that there is something that I can’t adequately explain and seek daily, even though I know it’s there.  We have conversations (ok – I do all the talking, but given my profession and personality, that’s not too common).  Perhaps as my sister notes, the older we get, the more comfort we seek – whether it be in a more spiritual grounding,  greater connections with others, opening our eyes and arms a bit wider  – or all of the above.  One’s world may become more circumspect while one’s outlook widens….see what I mean?

I believe in humankind despite our reiterative behaviors of intentional cruelty and deplorable injustice.  It exists within the same construct as acts of graciousness and generosity that I witness everyday.  I cry over both.  And a sunrise can be as comforting as a sunset.  Go figure.

So much for the theory that it can be absolutely one thing or another.  Life is beautiful and unforgivably ugly.  We seek forgiveness when we find it difficult to forgive.  We ask for people to be held accountable and shy away from personal responsibility.  We’re a funny species – which makes me wonder why we came up with ‘oxymoron’ – it’s not a particularly appealing word.

And yet –

Faith is unassailable.  Small wonders are unassailable – the magnificence of a child delighting in the way a flower yields to its touch;  the silliness of dancing while taking a walk (me, with my earphones on, and yes, I did make sure there was no one around); those kinds of hugs where you feel completely surrounded by love and warmth; sunlight on spiderwebs…

And somehow it is through that prism that we look everyday – how we hold our days, each other, our lives.  Through its angles we are fractured and we are gorgeous,  a spectrum of dualities that make no sense and yet belong together.  So I repeat, go figure..

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50 thoughts on “Oxymoron

  1. Joni Mitchell’s, Both Sides Now played through my head while reading this. Lol. In all seriousness, finding the right balance in all this contradiction is quite a challenge.

  2. Always, always, dear Mimi, you are so profoundly honest, movingly self-deprecating and, as ever, an exemplar for your friends and admirers. I remember and recall so many of your written reflections with at least as much frequency as I hum Joni Mitchell’s sung ones. Thank you for sharing them. Thank you for owning and sharing “both sides now” … xxx

    • Would it be too far of a reach to tell you how often you inspire me to sit down for a moment and let these thoughts course through my fingers? Perhaps a literal reach, yes, given the distance between our shores..but on another very real level – it is so true..xx

  3. This :
    “I believe in humankind despite our reiterative behaviors of intentional cruelty and deplorable injustice. It exists within the same construct as acts of graciousness and generosity that I witness everyday. I cry over both. And a sunrise can be as comforting as a sunset. Go figure.”
    People sometimes dub my views on life as naive, but this, I so believe in this.

    • Naive? I am arguably of an age where naivete is not considered particularly understandable. And yet, I think it is a simple truth – and impossibly complicated duality – so, I’m right there with you!

      • Somehow and sadly, I think a lot of 20s year olds either need to be reminded of this, or they simply choose to see an incredibly skewed view of reality that is social media and the cynicism that revolves around our young (and awkward) dynamics and love lives.

  4. And perhaps that is at the heart of all of us really – we engage in cynical dialogue and judgments for which we would hate to be victims of and yet we feel so passionately about much that we see…Perhaps age tempers some of that cynicism for many; perhaps not. But hold on to the you that is wonderfully you – seeing the glorious and the inglorious – and feeling all of it..

  5. Your thought- and heart-provoking post reminded me about the duality that comes from cynicism and how easy it is to be cynical at any given moment or about any event, yet how hard cynicism makes the lives of cynics and others over the long term.

  6. Pingback: Oxymoron — Waiting for the Karma Truck | Eric Tonningsen's Awakening to Awareness

  7. I loved this, Mimic! My friend Roxanne (ironically, I wrote about her yesterday) was that type of hugger… first time caught me off guard as my family doesn’t (don’t?) do hugs of more than a fraction of a second..

  8. Thankfully they guide us ever inward, to find that ‘thing’ or ‘happiness’ that we seem to be missing in our lives.
    And being the yin yang of everything it teaches us so much…slowly showing love, where once hate resided…happiness, where once sadness lived.
    And in that balance a wisdom is found…and an understanding that ‘life’ is only a guide to that love of self.
    When we die, nothing else comes with us…but what we feel within. And after a lifetime of all that!…’Go figure!’ 😀
    Great post, it is well written, and a tale we must all face. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  9. Hellos! I popped in from Eric’s blog. I love your use of words!
    And well, we were born from a ONE-ness into duality…to experience the world and all that it has to offer. And I am guessing just as we re-learn how to become one again…so too will our experiences and this world.

    Thank you for sharing!

  10. So good to hear from you again Mimi. I immensely enjoyed both of your posts. Every word is poetic and meaningful while revealing the beautiful person you are. You are living and loving and sharing in a very spiritual way and I am always grateful to hear from you; you make a difference. xo Fran

  11. Hello my friend. I dropped in via Eric’s re-posting of your wonderful words.. I especially liked your perspective “And somehow it is through that prism that we look everyday”.. So true.. We look at life through our own perspective, And totally agree with this statement “So much for the theory that it can be absolutely one thing or another. Life is beautiful and unforgivably ugly. We seek forgiveness when we find it difficult to forgive. We ask for people to be held accountable and shy away from personal responsibility.”

    And that is a great key within our world We are so easy to blame everyone else and yet can not see the world is but a reflection of ourselves.. We fail to look in our own mirror and see our own faults of judgments and prejudices as we are so indoctrinated within our ways of thinking we can not even see our thought process is being in judgment most of the time.. We label and put into boxes and if they do not fit our own measurements we cast them out as outcasts..

    As you can see I could go on.. Sorry its gone on so long too.. lol.
    Lovely post and love your blog title… What goes around comes around.. 🙂
    Love and Blessings
    Sue

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