When The Heart Hurts
“There comes a time when the world goes quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you better learn the sound of it, Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.” — Sarah Dessen
Perhaps it’s just the uncertainty of the sky this morning. Long drives over the weekend punctuated by emotional family moments that are both joyful and sad. Certainly too full to be explained without further reflection. Maybe it’s just a day when the heart has to ache. The uncomfortable nexus where what we feel meets what we give and/or receive. Feeling the summer’s departure and perhaps not being ready to say farewell.
There’s a chill in my body that seems centered in my chest that radiates into my arms. As if they need to stay close to my body and not approach the day outstretched with anticipation. Sometimes you need to just hold yourself. Wrapping yourself up in whatever warmth you extend out; trying to retain that heat. And if one were to ask what’s wrong, the best one can do is shrug, perhaps whisper “I don’t know”. I’m just aching for what I miss. And I’m furious that given all that I have, I should even think of feeling anything but grateful. And yet…sometimes, even Pollyanna sounds insufferable to herself. Let it be. Tomorrow I may fly again. Tomorrow I will marvel. For today though, I am chilled. And I will listen to my heart, not diminish its longing or sorrow or misgivings – for days like this shouldn’t be denied, or they will last far longer if ignored. Time to grab a sweatshirt, accessorize appropriately and just accept the day for what it is.