“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit under an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” — Louise Erdrich
I had different plans for this post – we attended my daughter-in-law’s graduation yesterday, the day before was a banner day at the barn. I can’t get there right now. My heart returns to the unfathomable shock of yesterday’s disaster in Newtown. I can’t turn away for to do so would diminish the feeling of being inconsolable. I pray that these families tasted abundant sweetness and that they are enveloped in love and support. My tears drip on the keyboard – I can’t write about the loss of life itself…one can plan I suppose, though arguably it is better to hope.
19 thoughts on “When The Heart Just Hurts”
I know you do..
Yes, we’re with you.
Your post is appropriate and so understandable. There just no words for such tragedy. Jeremiah 31:15 – I am confident that God mourns such unspeakable evil, and has greeted these babies with loving, protective, warm arms. Grief.
It’s just too big to wrap my arms around..
This horrific senseless act has shaken any sane person to his/her core. Your hurt heart, your tears on the keyboard, the sheer inability to make sense out of something we probably will never understand was done with the same eloquence and grace you always bring to your writing. To be able to write these words when your heart is so heavy begins its healing. As if one can ever heal from this. Thanks for taking to the wheel at a time when it could not have been easy to find the keys today. Cyber hugs today, Mimi. To you, Andy and your “kids”.
I sat with the kids at brunch just now and kept wondering to myself, if they had enough sweetness when they were young. I believe intellectually that they did, but when the sorrow is so great, I couldn’t help but question..Hugs to you Jo, and to Ben and Jenna..
I believe it’s a question many of us parents with older “kids” asked themselves a gazillion times today. Yes, the intellectual piece validates us, yet the emotional piece has rocked our foundation to its core. I look at your kids, granted through your eyes, but I know what I see in your eyes and I am so sure there was sweetness aplenty. The proof is in who they have become. All there is my friend. All there is…
CAn’t seem to keep these tears and love under control…thank you Jo…all there is.
Yes, Mimi. I guess there’s nothing to do but feel it and hold each other in love and compassion.
You are so right, sweetie, there are simply no words. Hug someone and tell them ya love ’em, that’s the best I can do…. Love you so…
I love you too Lori…and that is the best we can do..xox
I agree there are no words….
So much pain and heartache and so many babies who will never grow up and yes I know they were not babies but in the eyes of their parents they were………….as any mother will understand
They were babies…six and seven – proud enough to be going to school and yet just starting out.
wow. i love that Louise Erdrich quote. and then there’s your second paragraph to deliver the left hook Mimi. sat me down hard. hope and devastation and hope …
Always hope Anake..always hope.