I’m Blonder Than I Look

I was going to write about ethics today – and it was going to be good.  Notes in place, paragraphs in some semblance of order, and then I had one of my many blonde moments.  I couldn’t stop thinking about these random ‘duh’ moments of mine and remain amazed that I am here in spite of myself.  Full disclosure – I’m not a natural blonde, so I use the adjective loosely and more than a little disingenuously.

Anyway, I’ve conducted a completely unscientific study with a myriad of uncontrolled variables to skew the results and I am sure nonetheless that it’s results are correct – my IQ score drops precipitously at completely arbitrary times.  Clearly this suggests that I think at my own risk.  This gives me some pause, for who the hell knows what is going to come into this head of mine – and worse, what may come out of my mouth if the trap door between my brain and mouth is temporarily disengaged?

This morning I was listening to NPR while driving to the gym, thinking that it was far too cold for anyone to commit to this schedule of torture, when I heard the following from Cokie Roberts “…Mitt Romney has to get over the hump…”.  I swear to you, my first thought was ‘How does Mitt Romney even know The Hump?  And, is it really good for him to be associated with the Kardashians?’  Pitiful.  I am really pitiful.

I should be embarrassed to tell you this, but it happens all the time.  Years ago, upon receiving a job offer, I asked whether the salary was ‘negotiable up or down’.  Of the course the prospective employer assured me that they could go lower.  Sigh…My husband tells that story regularly just to ensure that humility is always within reach and my cheeks can be rosy without blush on.

When I was looking for a pair of shoes to go with a dress I bought, I told the salesperson that ‘I don’t want them to be too matchy-matchy, just be the same color’.  You don’t want to know the look I got – though the woman was very patient with me and spoke in a calm, soothing voice.

I talk to the GPS lady.  No, I argue with the GPS lady and still get lost.

Don’t even ask me how long I thought a reference to ‘six pack abs’ was a reference to how much beer a person consumed.  Parenthetically, I have never had six pack abs, so I think this is forgivable.

I recently taught myself how to knit by watching youtube videos over and over again.  I can’t get farther than knitting shawls and blankets because I can’t get what they mean by the ‘wrong side’ of the piece.  Which is the wrong side if I haven’t made a mistake?

Perhaps this is why I have such a great relationship with my dogs.  Admittedly, I anthropomorphize their behaviors, and believe that I have a rare connection with their thoughts.  I get it when Archie relentlessly chases snowflakes and is totally flummoxed when he fails to catch any;  I understand when Teddy looks at me with gratitude when I call him inside, because he’s completely spaced on where he is (despite the fact that he’s in the front yard).

The good news is that none of this has gotten any worse over the years.  I was this ditzy in my teens.  The occasional flashes of intelligence are merely that – brief occurrences in what is usuallya carnival in my head.  The bad news of course is clear – it really is unfortunate that Romney has a thing for The Hump.

4 thoughts on “I’m Blonder Than I Look

  1. I wonder if the connection between what my daughter, who is blonde, and the blonde moments that she too refers to, is the fault of the hairstylists of the world that convince us that blonde highlights gray hair better than any other color. So many of us “boomers” fully armed with blonde highlights, experience the,plummeting of our IQ (no offense to true blondes, I am speaking purely metaphorically). However, contradicting myself, it probably is that we cognitively are not as quick to abstract information, infer information and/ or pay attention to information for too many reasons to suggest here. This blog was great. No surprise there. I feel like you’re inside my head and wish, too, that there was a magic hand to cover my mouth when it opens and releases prior to the brain paying attention. It’s like being one step behind perpetually. As for Mitt, let him “hump” away. Whatever it takes to keep him out of the White House next January. 🙂

  2. Oh mimi, I’ve missed reading you for the last 3 blogs so today I sat down for a visit with my favorite sister ( ok, in law).. I get the big love, if it only weren’t so hard to maintain that constant awareness of it…on to the blond…no, as you know, I am not blond,( nor gray I might add), but I do have a problem with leakage from my brain to my mouth…Howard calls me a malaprop…I just like to think I’m a fast thinker and my mouth can’t keep up..I totally get the accessory “issue” as it is one which I of course share.especially with bags and jewelry…please don’t leave our group, you brought so many beautiful looks to it! Most of all I elevate you to “guru- dom”…I find that I need to visit the “well” regularly..you fill me up! Mwa

  3. You are too eloquent to be a malaprop (though I know he says that lovingly)…:-) I will always be an accessory junkie, I’m just an unemployed one now, so it changes the ability to cater to my urges.. So happy that you’re liking these posts honey – thank you and mwa back at you!

  4. Now I know what my problem has been all along….I have thought about it, debated it, wondered how it would be being a brunette, or auburn, etc….but the other colors just aren’t me..I guess I’ll have to live with it then. Being blonde is dangerous…they will either expect you to trip over your own feet, and if you don’t…someone will certainly help you do so, and say…well there goes the blonde…and yet…blonde they go….go figure. ;-).. … Hmm..do blondes get away with more than most…

    BTW, I thought you were retired…not unemployed…

    You should become a teacher at NOVA and teach in the Reston or Sterling campus….loot’s of differnt fun things you could teach…you have the background. Now that would be quality education!

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