Category: mindfulness

anxiety, humor, life lessons, mindfulness

I Was Only Kidding

mimijk

In the great big scheme of things, I’m not too surprised I didn’t win the lottery.  Recognizing that the odds weren’t really with me was the first clue.  The fact that I didn’t buy a ticket was the second.  I would have liked to have won though – and I don’t really believe anyone who says otherwise.  Come on – it immediately takes the term ‘winning’ away from Charlie Sheen, so right off the bat, it’s a good thing.

I think we kid ourselves a lot – and not always in a way intended to make us laugh.  The biggest fibs are not those we tell others, it’s the ones we tell ourselves.  The reasons are understandable – we don’t want to change something about our environment or ourselves, the risk of admitting the truth is too great – sort of like touching the house of cards upon which our ego strength rests.  Is it necessary to always be truthful to one’s self?  I think it’s a moot question, for I doubt that the most self-actualized person (Dalai Lama excluded) can lay claim to complete inner candor.  I do think though that as we face spring cleaning – of our yards, closets, garages, etc – we may want to do a little dusting off of some of the lines we’ve been repeating in our heads and see if we can’t box them up and put them away.  Here’s my top ten list so far – in no particular order…

1.  I’m my own worst critic (no I’m not – I only self-flagellate to the point where I feel some discomfort)

2.  It doesn’t matter

3.  I need those shoes

4.  I can handle it – whatever ‘it’ may be

5.  I’ll do it tomorrow

6.  I’m not good enough

7.  I’m too good

8.  It doesn’t bother me – rolls off my back like water off of a duck

9.  I don’t care

10. It’s just how I am

The corollary of course is that the flip side of such statements are undeniable truths.  The tricky part is figuring out where the two meet.  I’ll let you know when I figure that out – after all, spring cleaning typically takes more than a day if it is to be done well.  Who am I kidding?  I haven’t even started yet.

discretion, humor, life lessons, management, mindfulness, work life

Um..Are YOU Googling ME??

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Dear Young-Talented-Eager-Person-Seeking-Challenging-Employment-Opportunities;

Thank you for your interest in our company.  Your education and experience closely parallel that which we consider in candidates for employment.  I would also like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your recent Oscar win for ‘Best Short Film’ – the images of the hollers of Appalachia were hauntingly beautiful and Morgan Freeman’s voice overs provided a lyrical gravitas.  When I think that you are also under consideration for a Pulitzer, you should be applauded for accomplishing so much in your relatively short tenure in the work force.  As an aside, we are all beneficiaries of your full-time efforts while in college to discover the cure for the common cold.  You are truly an impressive individual.

As such, it is with great ambivalence that I must advise you of our decision to extend an offer to a candidate who we feel may enjoy greater success within our organization.  In the interest of full disclosure, the suggestive pictures on your Facebook page, coupled with the salacious conversations between you and your friends gave us pause.  Also, in the future you may want to Google yourself, for there are some rather unflattering comments about you written by some anonymous person claiming to have been held as your unpaid valet during elementary school.  We found the incident concerning the rain boots particularly disturbing.

In closing, I want to thank you again for your interest in employment opportunities with us.  We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors and great success going forward.

Best regards,

Will Nothire

There’s been quite a bit of press about the appropriateness of employers asking for the Facebook passwords of potential employment candidates.  On its face, there is nothing legally wrong with an employer asking for this information, just as there’s nothing wrong with you denying to provide it.  This is however a far thornier problem than access to a personal site, which may or may not have anything to do with one’s ability to perform a job satisfactorily (I can hear some employers arguing that such information can tell you quite a bit about one’s judgment, but so can really good interview questions…I’m just sayin’)

In the days of MySpace, employers could (and did) access people’s pages and discovered some very disturbing material that certainly impacted their views of prospective and/or current employees.  People would share confidential information about their employers, posted pictures of themselves in compromising situations, wrote about co-workers in ways that bordered on the libelous.  Under circumstances such as that, what would you have done as the employer?  The answers are complicated, and reveal a gold mine of questions pertaining to personal and professional integrity.

Do employers ‘google’ applicants?  I know that some do – and rarely consider that some of the information on the ‘Net may be completely inaccurate (like the ex-boyfriend who posted an article about his girlfriend on a professional web site, which became part of her technological footprint without her knowledge).  Most firms do background checks – carefully ensuring that the information they are seeking is part of the public record and relevant for the position being sought.

But you need to know that nothing is private.  Whatever you put on your FB page; the article you wrote for your university that called for a boycott of classes until the administration conceded to lowering the number of required courses in order to confer a degree; the tweets full of epithets and disconcerting shout-outs to the judges on “The Voice” – it’s all out there for the world to see.  And judge.  Whether it is right or wrong is not the issue we will solve today – or tomorrow for that matter.  But the presumption of privacy when all of our information is dancing around on a cloud with everyone else’s is naive.  Think before you post, consider who may end up being your audience.  And if you really want to be safe – here’s a crazy thought – pick up the phone and talk.

humor, life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

When In Doubt – Be Grateful

mimijk

“You have brains in your head.

You have feet on your shoes.

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.

You’re on your own and you know what you know.

You are the guy who’ll decide where to go” — Dr. Seuss

Today for reasons I don’t fully understand, everything seems complicated to me.  Attribute it to lack of sleep, the relentless beating of the rain on the roof, the aches and pains that seem to accompany me uninvited with greater regularity these days.  Decisions are playing hide-and-seek in my head (so I’m choosing not to play, for I hate that game), the banal rituals that provide an outline for my day seem purposeless and silly (ok, brushing one’s teeth is always a good thing).  So, I’ve decided to write about these last three months or so and see if it can help define my day’s path – even if it’s temporary – something that produces more than my frustration with the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle.

I started blogging because I was curious to see what would come out of this crazy head of mine, because I now had the time to pursue alternatives which had piqued my interest in the past and because I am driven by this nauseatingly neurotic need to make a difference.  Let me clarify – a positive difference.  When I was working, so many people encouraged me to write a book – I’m not sure that will happen.  Blogging seemed like a logical step towards exploring the feasibility of publishing.  I could see if a) I was entertaining enough, b) had a message worth sharing and c) had the discipline to do it.  I’m still not sure I have these answers, but I am truly enjoying this experience even though I will likely never be a candidate for ‘freshly pressed’ (not sarcastic or wry enough, don’t use enough media links in my posts and arguably may not write well enough either).  But – in less than three months, over 2600 people have checked me out (figuratively speaking of course), some incredibly smart people have commented on my entries with cogent, inspiring wisdom (family and friends exempted ’cause they’re already pretty awesome) and I am slowly beginning to find my uncensored voice about work, life, leadership etc – I can only imagine what will flow from these keys once I feel my own personal FCC beginning to fade into the distance.

I have learned that there is so much friggin’ talent out there, that I’m humbled to be part of a circle of people who truly question and opine with thought and humor.  I don’t know any of you, and yet I look feverishly for your responses every time I put up a post.  And you never disappoint.  Every time someone ‘likes’ a post, I feel like Sally Field during her ridiculous Oscar acceptance speech (“You like me!  You really like me!”).  When I see a comment, I feel the same anticipation as I did when I used to get my report card in elementary school (that’s when the comments were kinder, but for the standard reminder that I’d learn more if I socialized less).

Specifically, there are bloggers who have kept me going, totally unaware that their generosity, opinions, and ‘atta boys’ were providing me with commitment to this exercise when my spirits began to flag.  These are people you should read – for their originality, entertaining perspectives, experience and life stories.  Props to them all – and my abundant thanks for keeping me engaged in this process as I figure out where I want to go next.  Here’s my list of tremendous writers – I hope you take the time to check out their sites:  kungfuleadership; manage better now; david kanigan – lead.learn.live; misunderstood genius; greg blencoe; rlagee; business coach steve; girl on the contrary; the good greatsby; where’s my T-back and other stories; never contrary and the middlest sister.  I could go on – there’s truly some terrific talent on WordPress.  But I know what I know and I said what I meant/Your talents inspire me 100 per cent.

That you for your shout outs on Twitter, your encouragement and ability to remind me of the beauty and insanity on this little planet of ours.  I feel like I have found an invisible, yet powerful cohort group, as understanding and accepting as my friends and family.  People who understand that on days like this, sometimes all one needs to do is breathe – and be aware of all there is for which to be grateful.  Consider yourself counted.

life lessons, mindfulness, motivation

Basic Inspiration

mimijk

“Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness.  If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most.  It is not complicated but it takes courage.  It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it.” – Pablo Casals

You can probably tell by now that Machiavelli and I wouldn’t get along.  I have a very firm belief in the fundamental goodness of people.  For the most part, I don’t believe people intend to be hurtful, mean spirited or relish opportunities to display their most unpleasant qualities.  This in no way runs counter to my earlier post about the abhorrent (and aberrant) bullying behavior that is evident in schoolyards and offices.  On the contrary, I believe that such aggressiveness is more environmental than innate, more learned than inherited (with a nod to the studies that support a heritability factor associated with aggressiveness).

What I love about Casals’ quote is the implication that honoring one’s goodness takes courage.  Doing the right thing isn’t easy.  Opening one’s eyes to the wonder that passes throughout the course of a single day requires a conscious shift in focus from all that we rarely notice – or worse still – all that we see that disappoints us.  So I introduce you now to one of my constant sources of inspiration – Archie.  This picture captures him in a moment of brief repose – or exhaustion – resulting from his relentless pursuit of happiness.  Archie approaches our driveway and yard as a constant source of amazement and surprise regardless of his thousands of explorations.  Today, the cherry blossoms are falling from the trees, and Archie pursues each falling blossom with limitless unbridled excitement and delight.  Of course, the wind blows them into multiple directions and he loses them before they hit the ground.  Nonetheless, he forgets any other reasons why he’s out there – he is on a mission fueled by sheer joy  (and a sizeable absence of grey matter, but none of our dogs have ever ranked high on the intelligence scale – except for Bubba the Wonder Dog – a story for another day).  Archie makes me pause and look around – I stop and notice that the buds on the Japanese maple are beginning to slowly swell under the warmth of the sun, hear the neighbors’ kids laughing hysterically as they try and double jump on their trampoline.  I sit on the porch realizing that I’ve been touched by more good karma than one person could ever take for granted.  I sip my tea and giggle as Archie is outpaced by his older, smaller and more dignified partner-in-crime Teddy (he didn’t want his picture taken today).  And in this moment, I am inspired to find the time in each day to pause and look around me.  To consider it an honor to be able to share my ideas with an increasing number of fantastically gifted people.  To make a conscious effort to make one person’s day a little better through word or deed (I have no illusions of heroics here –  just take the time to be slightly kinder than the day before).  Now Archie, Teddy and I are going to take a walk and see how many of their friends we can track down, kibbitz, sniff and play with, see how many blooms are opening on the magnolias and pause for a moment to experience the indescribable  inspiration that begins with gratitude.

life lessons, management, mindfulness

Back To Basics – Part 1

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my infamous mirrorI was going to write a little bit today about inspiration – those intrinsic, palpable exchanges or moments that propel us forward with renewed purpose and passion.  I realized however that two of my favorite bloggers – the authors of kung fu leadership and lead.learn.live, had recently posted thoughtful pieces in a similar vein.  Imitation may be the best form of flattery, but these guys stand on their own.

That said, it’s been a thoughtful kinda day and I wanted to share some basic truths which I invoke daily.  I have a mirror in the sitting room off our bedroom which used to hang in my office.  Framed in wood, there are nine life lessons which I know by heart, for they are now etched there.  My kids probably know them with similar confidence, because it has been around for so long, they’ve acquired this knowledge by osmosis.  My team at work knew that these were certainly the simplest life rules one could follow – if not because they came to believe them but simply because of their ever-present position on the wall opposite my desk.  So…I thought I’d share them with you.

On the right side of the frame the following squares appear:

– Seek peace

– Learn lessons

– Vote honestly

– Share

The left side of the frame holds the following truths:

– Stay on track

– Know love

– Be calm

– Dream

And at the apex are the following words “Do the right thing almost every doggone day of your life”.   I remember someone telling me that I “had full authority to do the right thing”.  We all have that authority.  We all get sucked into the occasional eddy that swirls around us forcing us to  lose our footing.  Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of ground to stand on, to allow us to re-balance and get back to the basics.  You can’t skip any of these steps in your path to personal and professional success – not unless you accept that by doing so, you are destined to slip and fall.  Simple truths on a beautiful day.

–

humor, leadership, life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Goal Setting – A Creative Approach

mimijk

After majoring in partying during my first two years of college, I got serious and then decided to double major.  Psychology and Education.  Did I envision being a Chief HR Officer?  Absolutely not.  My path to this profession was remarkably serendipitous (at least in my mind) and as it unfolded seemed to occur with what I perceived as very little input on my part.  Stuff just seemed to happen.  I realize now that this perception was inaccurate and skewed.  It allowed me to react with predictable self-deprecating dismissiveness at my successes, and passionate self-flagellation when absorbing my failures (in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve always had a flair for high drama – I’m particularly good at self-flagellation).  The truth of the matter is that I’ve always had goals.  Yes they were fluid, without question the path to their achievement was often more circuitous than direct and at times these goals were downright misguided.  But as my hopes for the future crystallized, the navigation of my ‘goal map’ became easier to read  – even when I was heading directly off course (have I also mentioned that geography was never my strong suit).

Just as advertisers use story boards when constructing a client pitch, I am a strong believer in using story boards to help determine what our goals are and how they may be achieved.  Think of the success of PinInterest.  Basically, you are ‘pinning’ and ‘repinning’ pictures that resonate with you on a visceral level – be they of places, nature, humor, etc..  Not only does it feel good to look at the compendium of your personal favorites, it’s self-reinforcing.  So…you pin some more – and if you look at your collection closely, you will see certain patterns.  In effect, it becomes a story board about you.  I used to encourage people to build story boards at work when training on the topic of goal setting (Creativity in a law firm?  A bit oxymoronic I suppose).

Try it – cut out pictures that inspire you, print off quotes or thoughts that excite you and tape them onto a piece of oak tag (if that sounds too dated, just stick ’em up on a bulletin board).  See what messages you glean from what may seem like a random display.  Don’t be discomfited by the pieces that don’t seem to fit – if it was all perfect, it wouldn’t be self-reflective.  What you will find though is that there is a pattern in that collage of yours.  And it can help define what it is you want  – in your professional and/or personal life (depending on what your story board is focused on of course).  One quote that appears on my current board, first appeared on the board I created when I left the firm.  Kofi Annan once said, “To live is to choose.  But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to go there.”  It fuels my pictorial narrative.

Once you get a sense of what it is you want and need to do – take a deep breath, have a glass of wine, revel for a moment in the clarity you have found.  Then communicate your thoughts – write them down, tell a colleague, share them with your team.  And this is where it gets a little tricky – remember that a goal is only as achievable as the objectives that support its completion.  Objectives are the discreet, actionable steps that are taken to make a goal attainable.  For big picture people this is definitely the harder of the two steps, for it’s where you break it all down into timelines, responsibilities and commitments.  When you write objectives, use verbs that imply movement – there is no room for the passive voice in the world of achieving goals!  I realize that this is no easy challenge I’m throwing out into cyberspace, but I believe that you can take your dreams, your unspoken hopes and turn them into concrete goals with clear, defined steps.  Perhaps the dreaming part is more romantic; the realization of a dream is more fulfilling and enriching.  And one of the gazillion wonders of life is that we can dream many dreams, understand where our values and life choices intersect and create as many story boards as we want to help chart our path.  And that, is pretty damn terrific

leadership, management, mindfulness, motivation, music, work life

The Rhythm Of Leadership (even if you’re tone deaf)

mimijk

“Where you lead/I will follow/Anywhere that you tell me to…”  Ah, Carole…I was a rabid follower – Carole, James, Laura, CSN&Y.  I followed them (and others) because I loved their music, their words, the way I felt when I sang along (some of my fondest memories include sitting in my friend Allie’s house eating Cadbury wafers and singing..she had a pure, clear soprano; I had a rich and sincere baritone, sorta).

I followed a speaker at a peace rally in NY after the Kent State shootings. He spoke Spanish (I didn’t), but the passion and conviction of his words crossed the barrier of my linguistic ignorance (ok, he was cute too).  Following him to the subway to head home, we both got pipe-whipped by some indignant construction workers – the commitment I had to him almost justified the consequences.  I will admit it was embarrassing to have to stop at my pediatrician’s office for some salve before heading to a production of ‘Damn Yankees’ at school that night (the closest I will ever come to being a baseball player).

I followed one of my professors from grad school as avidly as one might a guru.  He was so incredibly smart, funny, intuitive (a good quality for a psychologist) and persistently coaxed me to figure out how I was going to best care for my two splendilicious babies and myself in the face of some very real personal challenges.  He encouraged me to figure out how to re-take control of my life.  How do you thank someone for that?  Live your life well and pay it forward, I guess.

And I followed my boss for 22 years.  I was inspired by his confidence in me, relentless teasing, incredible work ethic, integrity and generous heart.  He wanted results and accountability and expected more of himself than anyone else, which somehow drove me to try and keep pace.  Lucky for me, he is now a dear friend who has also retired from the firm.

There is a nexus between the leadership qualities I learned from those whom I have followed and the music that plays in my mind all the time.  There is a rhythm to the dynamics between and among people, a way that we try to maximize the strengths and talents of our people so that together, the orchestration is full and rich.

If you supervise people and as such are responsible for leading others, do you ever think about those who you once followed?  Why did you follow them?  What were the qualities that you most admired in the people who shaped your professional success and enhanced your development?  What were the deal breakers?  If you strove to emulate any one of them, what elements would be of greatest importance to you?  Imagine holding the conductor’s baton gently and assuredly in your hand as the orchestra warms up.  Your job is to make the music of your work days reflective of the talents of those waiting for your guidance, watching for your timing and interpretation of the notes.  I was once compared to Mr. Holland, the character from “Mr. Holland’s Opus” – a higher compliment could never have been bestowed upon me in the world of work.  At least not for me.  The sections of the orchestra parallel the unique talents of those with whom you work.  Lead them with the qualities and dedication evidenced in those you once followed.  The magic of that music will always remain in your head – and theirs.

anxiety, life lessons, mindfulness

The Art Of Confrontation

mimijk

Let me say upfront – I never developed this skill.  Not only don’t I have any talent for confrontation, I have so studiously avoided it that I think I show some real ability in this area.  It’s somewhat ironic that frequent moments in my career required that I confront people, my passionate belief in my professional purpose fueled my provocative challenges at times and it’s hard to get through the adolescences of three boys without having to go toe-to-toe every once in awhile.  But, I have never sought out such exchanges preferring more peaceful resolutions (which admittedly took longer and arguably required more patience).  This wasn’t because I’m such a great person – honestly, it’s because I really can’t stand vitriol and words spoken with such hostility that do-overs are impossible.

But boy oh boy, this weekend I wanted to rush Limbaugh.  Literally.  I wanted to rush the guy and wither him with my superior vocabulary and make him cower in fear of the scorching venom that would drip from my fangs.  Oh, and I wasn’t planning on providing any anti-toxin either.  I am not going to write about my political persuasions – I’ll leave that to people to the left and right of me who write more capably.  I do think the guy should be fired, and in the interest of equity – feel similarly about any shock jock who delights in the extreme denigration of others.  With all the devastation and heartache that is evidenced in the news, my palpable reaction to his idiotic cruelty was off the charts.

The kids were over for brunch yesterday and my son provided the voice of reason.  He’s a very smart guy, and perhaps a little more absolute in his perspective than I. Typically he is more inclined to opine and do so with confidence and bravado.  Although one of us leans more to the left and the other more to the right, we respect each other enough to know where our buttons are and we leave them alone. I was the one who raised the topic, unable to shake my disgust with the Limbaugh narrative.  We agreed that regardless of one’s political beliefs, there’s too much hyperbole, blustering b.s. and not enough substantive discourse for informed decisions to be reached. And for reasons which defy me, if there is nothing sensational to discuss, we will create it.

And I admit – when I’m standing in line at the supermarket I look at the cover of the National Enquirer, though I can’t bear to pick it up (although I was once tempted as a kid, when the cover story was about Martians landing on earth and they had these grainy black and white pictures of extra-terrestrials).  As I’ve written before, I guess I avoid situations and discussions that reflect the worst of our human nature.  It assaults my senses.  But then again, I’m clearly part of a minority. Full disclosure – I’ve never watched reality TV either  – maybe it is more than the real deal…maybe it is sensational.

life lessons, management, mindfulness, motivation, work life

Groundhog Day – Again

mimijk

Some may think I get cranky because I’m out of estrogen – oh no my friends, no.  I got cranky long before my hormones became an acceptable excuse.  In fact, it’s entirely possible that my crankiness was the catalyst for my body’s ensuing wackiness.  It got tired of me railing at some of the more inexplicable, passive choices we make on a daily basis in the name of ‘doing our best’.

“Mediocrity is climbing mole hills without sweating” – Icelandic proverb

How much do we do just to get by?  How often do we attach the Velcro to the back of our hand, affix it to our forehead and sigh “I just can’t do one more thing?” (insert a consumptive cough here if you feel it will add to the drama).  How frequently do we invoke the words of some enthusiastic coach (“You can do it!  There’s no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’!”) and act like an over-burdened pack mule?  And how quickly do we accept the status quo just because it’s easier.

Avidly pursuing LinkedIn chats, lobbing an occasional question on Twitter, reading the articles in journals written by and for business professionals – I see the same thing.  We are challenging ourselves to climb mole hills.  Do we keep re-hashing the same topics because we can’t take one more thing and feel that at the least we’re sharing ‘execu-speak’?  To take a line from Joan Rivers – “can we talk?”

Let’s go with some assumptions already – it’s time.  Everyone, on three – get out of your comfort zone and let’s start feeling a little itchy together.

Assumption 1 – If you don’t know how to effectively listen, engage and collaborate with other people, hear disparate views and opinions and encourage that kind of communication, then go back to square 1, don’t collect $200 and consider yourself very lucky that you’ve gotten this far without developing a critical foundation upon which to grow your career and your relationships.

Assumption 2 – If you are truly of the view that as the leader of your department, company, silo, etc your perspective is the only perspective with any merit – see number 1.  Bill Welch was a bastard and prided himself on being a bully, but when someone had the mettle to challenge him, he gave them a shot.

Assumption 3 – If you’re doing the same thing you did last year, let me remind you that Groundhog Day was a movie, not a lifestyle.  If your people are doing what they did last year, then they are doing less than they did last year – and that’s on you.

Assumption 4 – Not everything is confidential, even though it may be very exciting (and sometimes necessary) to create an ‘inner circle’.  The values of your department need to be shared.  The future career strategies for your people need to be discussed and developed with your people, not in a soliloquy you engage in on your way to work.   If you dig the whole bureaucratic, layer-upon-layer thing – fine.  I’m just saying that the plans need to be disseminated to everyone who has a modicum of responsibility for their disposition.

Assumption 5 – Just because people nod their heads and agree with you, doesn’t mean they agree with you, trust you or even have confidence in the direction you’re heading.  Their B.S. meter may just be registering at the high end, and they don’t trust you enough to respond differently.

Golda Meir said, “Don’t be so humble….you’re not that great”.  The only thing worse than inflated, insincere humility is sincere hubris.  At this point we have a long way to go before we can afford either affectation.  I want us to push past these tired conversations which find us opining in tired clichés and commentary that is becoming trite in its content.  Aren’t you a little itchy for more?  Wouldn’t you like to challenge the endless loop that plays and replays providing us with little more than one more stimulus to ignore as we do elevator music?  When are we going to look in the mirror, greet the image with a rousing ‘how the hell are you?’ and get excited about what we really can become?

anxiety, humor, life lessons, mindfulness, work life

It’s Your Choice

mimijk

Cash or credit; paper or plastic; wheat or sourdough; grande or venti; bootcut or straight-leg; warm or cool; volume or length; matte or gloss; MSNBC or CNBC…It’s not even 8AM and these are just a few of the decisions I’ve had to make just to get in gear.  And I’m retired now – what was my morning like when I was working?

If this is indicative of the ‘new minimalism’, I don’t get it.  I consider it a paradigm for insanity.  I don’t want to make any more decisions, it’s hurting my brain and making me cranky.  Perhaps this is why I find shopping malls so punitive – just parking is an exercise in over-stimulation.  And once you walk inside (choosing one of a hundred different alternatives for egress) there are too many stores, too many people, too many colors…If I go to Nordstrom, am I an ‘individualist’, ‘savvy’, ‘tbd’, ‘petite’?  Do I want firm control or moderate control?  Anklets or tube socks?  Yes.

This is my response going forward.  Yes.  Do with it what you will, but it seems far better to me than just responding negatively to everything and winding up with nothing and never leaving my house.  Yes.  I cede all decision-making authority to the salesperson, grocery store cashier and Starbucks’ barista.  It’s all fine with me.  I just want a cup of coffee, the perfect pair of jeans, a blush that brightens my face so I look naturally healthy and a moisturizer that erases wrinkles.  I want a handbag that holds everything and weighs nothing.  I want to know which is better – counting calories or protein loading.  Are we Lin-ing, Tebow-ing or Winning this week?  Yes.  Just tell me the lexicon-of-the-moment so I can feel like I know what is going on.  It’s fine.  I’m overwhelmed with choices and underwhelmed with the results.  So whatever you choose, it’s fine with me.

No wonder people don’t feel like working once they arrive at the office.  I always thought that the deferral of difficult decisions was a result of a collective abhorrence of provocative dialogue.  Wrong – it’s exhaustion.  It’s easier to have a cabal of ‘yes’ people around.  Ok – it’s exhaustion and ennui, but the latter is a topic for another day.  Of course here we are expending all of this energy just to get to wherever we  need to be, and if one pauses for a moment it’s clear that none of the choices made along the way really matter.  In hindsight, all of these decisions are elevated to a level of importance prompted by the urgency of the moment, not the urgency of the matter.  It’s all a bit embarrassing.  When I consider the offenses I may have caused by being thoughtless, I’m both rueful and redeemed.  I now have an excuse.  I had run out of mental energy.

So I guess this means that when we really need to step up to the plate and connect with the ball, it very well may be a swing and a miss.  I don’t want to miss the next pitch.  From now on it’s ‘yes’ to everything that really isn’t going to matter to me tomorrow.  And in response to the more thought-provoking questions?  I’ll get back to you on that.

anxiety, life lessons, mindfulness

It’s Enough To Make You Crazy

mimijk

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once” — Jennifer Yane

Apparently April is National Anxiety Month – I had no idea.  If someone had told me that I had the option of deferring my anxiety, collecting and storing it in one of the many compartments in my head pending one outrageous release from April 1st – 30th, I can’t imagine how much more organized my thought process would be.  I really think this deserves more publicity, which is why I’m telling you in February instead of waiting to celebrate in April.

My brain operates much like an active ball in a pinball machine.  I know this because my husband has a pinball machine from the 70’s (the kind that make a racket), and he is able to keep a ball in play, hitting multiple targets and causing that damn bell to ring for ridiculously long periods of time.  He plays for hours (ok, it feels/sounds like hours).  And that is the perfect metaphor for the processes in my head (which could explain the genesis of migraines, but probably not).  I tried to follow my thoughts this morning for one minute – one flippin’ minute – and here’s just a portion of the cacophony that plays in my crazy little head…

“I wonder how D is feeling/should email her/Did S get home ok…damn, I’m going to be late for the gym/I don’t want to go to the gym/I have to go to the gym/when do I start looking like I even go to the gym…should stop at Whole Foods and pick up some tilapia/it’s 6AM, who the hell wants to think about dinner…look the sun is rising earlier…Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning (the Beatles)/Good Morning to you, Good Morning to you, You look kinda drowsy, In fact you look lousy, Is this anyway, to start a new day (who taught me that)…Tragic about Whitney Houston/Enough about Whitney Houston…I haven’t called the kids/should I call the kids/does that mean I’m being too intrusive/don’t be stupid, call the kids…I need to get milk too so that it doesn’t snow tomorrow..I never knew there was a place called Chagrin Falls, Ohio..Tin soldiers and Nixon’s coming, We’re finally on our own, This summer I hear the calling, Four dead in O-h-i-o/Do I have Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue’ on my iPod?/There’s no way I could exercise to CSN&Y/I look like an idiot on the bike…maybe I should have some more coffee..

You see, this is just a snippet of the free association with musical accompaniment in my head.  I operate at all times on two mental tracks – a song is always playing in my head along with a concurrent blend of disconnected thoughts running on another loop.  Ambidextrous thinking.  My hunch is that I’m not unique in this regard (well, maybe about the music part).  And if that assumption is correct, then it’s no wonder that anxiety gets its own month.  Depending on how much perseverating is going on, it’s entirely reasonable for anxiety to be given its own year.

The funny thing is, I don’t consider myself an anxious person – rather one who has a mind in perpetual overdrive.  This thought alone does make me anxious however, which logically suggests that if I stop thinking I won’t be anxious.  Well, that’s impossible, for I don’t take well to terms like ‘airhead’ or phrases like ‘if you get too close to her you can hear the wind’.  Not that there’s anything wrong with the wind..makes me think of the Joni Mitchell song ‘Twisted’…Bette Midler did a terrific rendition as well..Ah, here I go again.  And my husband wonders why I’m tired.  I think I need a nap…go into the arms of Morpheus…dream a little dream of me/Mama Cass, loved her. Never mind – I’m going to the gym.