Nothing More Than Time Passing

Hi Dave,

Yup, the first post since April must be written to you – for you demanded I write  again.  You didn’t forget that I had this blog (even though I pretty much did, and assume most others have as well), you kicked me in the butt in your typically unforgiving-yet-most-caring way and caught me pre-coffee.  No defenses properly caffeinated.  All rationalizations fragmented in the middle of the night when one has the freedom to forgive lethargy, holding one’s doubts as a pillow while huddled in the corner of the couch.  Your timing is pretty damn good.

So what’s been going on in eight months?  Nothing.  Everything.  I’ve been graced and damned, overwhelmed with love and had my heart broken a little bit, thinking it would never mend and bowed my head until I felt it beat again.  I celebrated new life with such awe and humility, that I remembered what it felt like to be drunk with love.

Details?  You want details?  Not this first go-round, pal – the words are swirling around in my head arguing about which should be written first, debating how transparent I will seem, when my preference is to remain a bit opaque.

I can say this – I remain grateful, yet I no longer feel that I can write about it without cliche or some really sickening elevator music playing in the background.  The karma truck was becoming a paean to gratefulness.  Not a bad thing – but a personal thing.  It’s not a commodity.  I’m not selling it.  You are gifted with it or not.  You are blessed with the frightening awareness that there is nothing more ephemeral than this moment and you’re either going to foment some goodness in it – or not.  Your choice.

When I last wrote, I introduced you to my magnificent granddaughter Sienna Reese.  Almost four weeks ago,  my other son and daughter-in-law welcomed Sophie Ida into the world.  She is miraculous and magical, beyond beautiful and/or adequate words.  As I marvel at Sienna already exploring her world with determination and a smile that can change the hue of the sky and the color of one’s day, I watch her weeks-old cousin already turning from newborn to little baby, eyes alert, fingertips with special powers – as they curl around a finger she enters the bloodstream. Two of my sons now have families of their own.  And when I’m not in tears, I am laughing a song of life.

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Balance shifts, roles change, rhythms are re-calibrated.  Andy’s mom passed away in May, and though not unexpected, it is never expected.  Each of us responds to this part of the journey differently – and his story isn’t mine to tell.  But I watch, I wonder, I ache.  I marvel at his dad, who at ninety years of age, gets up every day with the intent to engage himself in his days.  Golf, bridge, speakers’ series, synagogue.  He has taught me how to grieve deeply and not turn one’s back on life.  How to open your arms to the day and those people who fill it.

Life – that’s what’s been going on.  What you do with what you have when you have it; what you choose to do when you don’t.   I guess in the span of one moment and the next, so much happens in the space in between.  The stories we get to tell depend upon the traffic in one’s head, the road maintenance on one’s heart and how close the image in the rear view mirror appears.

“We ain’t anything more than a name and some likes and some distastes, and a story we tell about ourselves.”  (M.T. Anderson) – And what others say about us too, I think.

It was good to write to you…let’s stay in touch.

 

64 thoughts on “Nothing More Than Time Passing

  1. Grateful to Dave for encouraging you to put fingers to the keyboard once again. Your words still make the music that touches my soul as I ride the roller coaster of emotions with you. Glad your words resonate with the positive spin because some dark moments won’t allow for that but you are special mimijk and I am overjoyed for the beauty you allow yourself to enjoy in this life. And, the circle of life continues… May it continue to give you more happiness than sorrow. All there is.

  2. “…fingertips with special powers – as they curl around a finger she enters the bloodstream.” Much as your words enter my heart every time you write. Always happy to share a spin around the block in the truck with you, precious friend, but also very glad that you are heeding the direction of *your* heart and writing only when, and if, it feels right. Whenever these missives appear, they are cherished, as are you…always…xoxox, l

    • How lucky we are…it felt good to exercise these fingers again – to see if they could sync up with some thoughts. What comes next? Who knows – well, you will…;-) xoxo

  3. I extend a personal thank you to the power that is Dave, for whatever he did to get you back to writing dear Mim…for this voice is what is missing in this world gone mad. It feels a bit like coming home. I am overjoyed for you and your growing family. The photo of your newest girl is absolutely beautiful. I can so easily imagine the joy in your heart as the tears flow from the overwhelming feelings of love. Hold onto them my sweet friend. You are forever in my heart…love you always. R

    • Hi WW – sometimes you just have to shut down to figure out where the hell you are, you know? Somehow too much was hitting me in too many places…But it’s awesome to hear from you again..and you are always in my heart, for I am you sk..

      • I do know exactly what you mean. I was just thinking today as it happens, that the holidays are so filled with the sights, sounds, smells of happy times and happy places, and adding the sorrow and sadness of loss to the mix makes for a distinctive emotional overload…but I also feel it’s okay. One day, one year, the newness of this will feel normal, be the new normal, and we’ll easily recapture all the joy in what’s here as well as embrace the memory of what’s not. And you are the best sk any ww could ask for. Ever! xoxo

  4. Oh, how I’ve missed your beautifully written blog posts! Please don’t stay away for too long again. Although life is always a mix of joy and sorrow, I’m so happy to read about the incredible joy that has entered your world in such a tiny package.

    • Thank you so much for this warm welcome back (after far too long, I’m afraid)..This new little bundle of joy is truly a blessing and delight, and I can’t believe that she is actually here!!

  5. I’m delighted to read a post from a dear friend once again. I’ve missed you, Mimi. At the moment my tiny home is wall-to-wall love, laughter, noise, tears, and people. We’re hosting a rolling family reunion this month, and for ten days our home has two two year old’s and a one year old their parents (our sons and their wives), plus our daughter and her husband. A whole lotta crazy, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Thank you for the glimpse of your world and your lovely newest member of it.

    • Hi Russ – your house sounds like a bit of heaven – chaotic thought it may be. Enjoy every moment!! It’s heartwarming to return to the wordpress friendship circle..

  6. Mimi ~ I have missed you truly. So grateful to see you posting again. Feels like home when I read your blog. And yes, we noticed you weren’t blogging…but I was hoping you’d return and voila! Here you are. Welcome back dear friend. xo

  7. Hi Mimi

    Yes, you have been missed. Life is interesting and we need to go with the flow it and capture every moment.

    I too just celebrated the birth of a granddaughter, my first grandchild. Too hard to put into words the awesomeness of her presence in our lives.

    So glad to hear from you. Please take care

    Tina

  8. Ahhh….love to be reading your words, as only you can string them together so lovely. You captured the largeness of your life as you know it and embrace it in such a perfect way. I echo what everyone is saying – it’s good to see you here and yet at the same time, I know you know that I so completely get the tenuous nature of fingers to keyboard these days. What comes next? As life would have it, it will come. I especially love your part on gratitude. Love it. and you, of course. xoxo

  9. Welcome back Mimi! I find your words so moving. You had me tearing up on more than one occasion. Worth the wait but please don’t keep us waiting quite so long before writing and sharing again. 🙂

    • Hi Susan…kindred souls I think…for at times tears overruled my writing. Full, wonderful, difficult, exhilarating times. I am so grateful to see you here. Thank you…

  10. Oh, Mimi I am so incredibly thrilled that you have posted again. I am so HAPPY for your new little granddaughter, and for the joy that is so meted out in such abundance. Thin king of you and wishing you much love and joy.

  11. Oh Mimi, I am so glad you are back! I truly missed you. I am so sorry about your mother-in-law (I think you mentioned that to me when I lost my mother in May), and am happy for you that you have been blessed with two grand-children to adore.
    I am doing well and am about to enjoy Christmas with the whole family together for the first time in six years.
    Much peace and joy to you and your family for Christmas.

  12. So, I’m sitting next to Susan who is sobbing and I ask her: “What is wrong with you?” She comes back with: “You didn’t read it?” I say: Read what? Then I get after it.

    Beautiful.
    And then throw a Baby picture on top of that, and I’m a ball of mush.
    Welcome back Mimi.
    Wonderful post.

  13. and it was lovely to read your words again. what a wonderful addition to the family these two babies are. and the loss, and going on with one’s life. all of this is what life is. the ebb and flow of life continue, in spite of what we do or don’t do. 0 many hugs and congrats to you and yours, beth

    • Hi Beth – thank you…you’re right of course – the ebb and flow and one’s ability to remain in the boat. I hope all is well with you and yours…I appreciate your thoughts..hugs, m

  14. We have all had a turn sitting in that chair…the one in the corner facing the wall. Sometimes I feel mine is permanently placed. Chair leg carpet pock-marks glaring at me. Some how we know when it is enough. When it is time. The right time…
    Welcome home.

  15. Oh Mimi…my loving sister…you are so right , I think that in the span between one moment and the next, so much of life happens…that has stuck to me. As so much of what you say does. Thank you for having you in my life and thank you for your words of wisdom!

  16. You are the most graceful thinker and writer. When I read your posts, it always feels as though we just had a conversation as I feel the same now as I do then: calmer, happier, and thankful. I love you 🙂

    • Ah Cakes, I love you too…and your praise is so generous. The thought that I can make you feel happier or calmer – or anything better than you already are (which is pretty damn impossible in my view), fills me with joy. I love you..

  17. Nice to see you over at my neighborhood so thought I’d visit you in yours. Seems we were both “out-of-the-office” for a while but sometimes you just gotta hit the road and go where that karma truck takes you. So just one more connection made and another strand to tie into the fabric we weave. Looking forward to more to read! – J.

  18. Happy New Year, Mimi! And Congratulations on the arrival of your beautiful granddaughter. This is a beautiful post. As one life ends and another begins. That your father-in-law has the grace to live life fully and grieve deeply–that is truly a gift.

  19. Pingback: A Dearth of Words | BonsEye

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