In the Jewish religion, the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are called the ‘days of awe’. The hope is that as the Book Of Life is opened at the beginning of the Jewish New Year, we will be inscribed in it again when the book is closed. In other words, it would be a good idea to do a lot of apologizing (sincerely), and spend some time in self-reflection.
In the past, I have posted a global ‘I’m sorry’ in FB or Instagram – hoping that anyone I’ve hurt is willing to accept such a blanket apology, Somehow I don’t think that’s what G-d had in mind. It seems to be that Judeo-Christian religions offer us an out – recognizing that genuine sorrow for our less than gracious actions may be absolved if our repentance is sincere. That’s where I feel like I’m trying to wrestle in a spider web. Aren’t apologies for behavior we may or may not remember a bit less than heartfelt?
We all can admit to being unkind, selfish, duplicitous. We have unintentionally disrespected our relatives and friends, played cavalierly with our planet, offered up some really righteous indignation, etc. And this is the sticky part of the web – if one is unable to admit such thoughtless behavior in the moment and/or to the person who was the unfortunate recipient – then what are we apologizing for and to whom? (Yes, it’s me in the web trying to free at least one limb)
So I’m thinking about the act of contrition. Maybe it isn’t about the aggrieved person or people. Maybe it is what changes within us when we are genuinely rueful. Perhaps regret genuinely felt, alters our self-perception. Brene Brown suggests “you either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness”. And there’s the nexus – the point where we truly own our stuff – and in doing so, understand contrition in a different way.
“These are the days of miracle and wonder; This is the long distance call…” (Paul Simon). These are awe-inspiring days and I’m trying to own my stuff, including the less-than-pleasant moments. A little self-reflection does more for the soul, than blanket apologies. And it is in that ownership I think, that one can truly say “I’m so very sorry”
Waiting for the Karma Truck 